The Wet Bean & Cheese!!

Mechanics

2010-07-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

The way we move is unique. We often do many of the same tasks. Open the fridge, snap our fingers, flush the toilet. Yet even twins don't kiss the same exact way? Mannerisms and the like make each of us unique and that is what interests me. I'm unsure if I stated this before but I think I'm gonna get my Masters in Social Psych, Cal Lightman style. People watching, interests us all (I prefer it with sound OFF) and in large part voyeurism is becoming ingrained in the American way of life. As my good buddy Mike pointed out, the main reason I want to learn about people and the ways in which they interact is because I ultimately want to know more about ME and the way I interact. I know it's usually awkward or over thought but why? Why do I insist on the rules? Where do I begin and the teachings from my parents end? I want to know what you think about me when you read the stuff I write. I swear finding out why people get into fights at the swap meet more often when the temperature goes up or why alternative kids always decided to wear black is more interesting to me than my own crazy, but I'm biased.

What I know so far is that I'm not your average guy. I'm the kind of guy who at work isn't going to flirt with the girls in Cosmetics, nor am I going to be the type of person who can see fit to give two shits about anything played on the radio. What I will do is wander into the Juniors section at my store and clink the hangers together because I like the echo in the atrium. Sitting in front of my laptop always seems more preferable to going out to the bars, and for some reason I just can't seem to ever let myself "take it easy".

Take for instance this recent reading assignment I had. Cyber Bullying is some newfangled form of shit talking that kids are doing these days. Kids are sexting which is a new form of hanky panky, and gossiping which is a tried and true method of it, and combined we have this problem where teachers are having to settle disputes between people that never actually took place. No one can see the transcripts of these conversations without access to the mobile devices involved. Teachers being far from having subpoena power or the strength of the Patriot Act behind them usually have little more than the he said/she said to go on. Now all this is quite interesting and though the legal implications are interesting I would like to point out how utterly dumb and boring this all seems when you take a step back. I was a kid once and I recall being on both the giving and receiving end of such childish drivel. It is commonplace and I doubt that at any point in our nations future will this not be the case. So like I was saying I do my own thing. I actually have learned that I can't really talk as much as I would like because the more I say the more clear it becomes I am doing things just a bit differently than everyone else. It's not that I'm better by the way just different. Take for instance this July 4th. A friend I was with pondered aloud, "why do we even have fireworks on Independence day?" Now to me this question transcends dumb into a realm of civilly disobedient of knowledge. It's like she didn't want to appear intelligent or pretend that this was even a big deal. I wept inside for her grade school education. I meet people all the time in college with not even a cursory understanding of basic school facts that make me realize I'm not long for this world. There really is nothing to be salvaged here on Earth. (Like I said, taking it easy isn't my forte) In my head I thought to tell her about the constitution, or the end of the Revolutionary War, or the National Anthem. Instead I sat quietly in shock, humbled by the presence of such a sheer void of knowledge. it was like standing next to Steven Hawking...only in reverse.

Life is hard, enjoyable, but hard. Sometimes it is no wonder why I prefer things more by myself. It's also quite obvious that I'm more Howard Hughes than P.Diddy when it comes to human interaction though. So it's not all your fault. Often times I know for a fact it's my fault why I'm incapable of dealing with the public. Though in my defense I've been doing all this without the aid of any chemical mood alterants my whole life so kudos to me for lasting this long I say. I feel like this has been another incredibly self indulgent and egocentric post and for that I apologize. This is afterall an exercise first and foremost in self dissection so that on the off chance I do leave my room when you meet me I will be a better person. Enough blabber for today. I'm going to go outside and enjoy the sun.

Allow me to Reintroduce myself

2010-07-27T00:06:00.000-07:00

Mr Miyagi. I call my new heart Mr. Miyagi because though I'm never quite sure exactly what he is doing, I trust it is for the best. I have to say it's been a year of close calls. There are times when I feel sick, tired, and unstable. But this year is done, and I'm here. So this must be what it feels like to achieve something..I mean technically I have achieved something before, but because I have this aversion to drawing attention to myself, today is the first time I feel special about it. I absolutely love the fact I get to be here. I know literally what it is like to wish I were dead. I know what hating waking up is. It seems outstanding to me that I feel these feelings because in my whole life I've never really wanted to let people know how happy I was. I've never done anything someone else hasn't. Birthdays, high school, now bachelors degree ... What is so remarkable for me about those things? I don't know anyone who hasn't done 1 if not all of those things. But now I get to feel unique for just one moment and in all honesty I feel like I'm standing back in awe of the accomplishment just as you all may be.

These are the moments life is made of. We all are fairly free in each day to do as we choose but there are also those days life decides for us. Sometimes life gives you a hurdle and sometimes it gives you a shortcut. The game of life is all about maximizing the short cuts and trying to avoid the hurdles. Even now I don't think there is a single thing I've been through that I would ask not to have to repeat. I mean sure there's a list, but no one thing stands out as purely bad. Conversely there is also nothing I think I could do again and I continue to be amazed a lot of it happened the first time at all. This blog started out of the mix between old habits and new inspiration. I suffered loss and experienced new joy. Today is a another marker on the road that left from the convergence of fate and willpower.

My family and all they've been though, my friends and all their love, my own fucking mind for willing the body to do things no one expected it to. I have to be grateful for each. The variables that went into my success are so great that I don't doubt the butterfly effect could have toppled me completely. One different nurse, seriously. One different doctor. One different decision by one of you to call me or show your support. I am so much less than I appear to be because so much of what I am was given to me. I cannot stress how meaningful it has been to hear well wishes and support. I try to use my gifts to return the favor and the second any of you feel I'm not living up to expectations, I expect to hear about it.

I've never been less sure something was going to happen than when I first saw the 1st year survival rates for transplant patients. Anyone who knows me, knows I am cocksure and self confident to a fault. I can do no wrong, I often think I'm invincible. I have no such delusions anymore. I just want to say thank you one last time because I don't plan to make this a yearly event. It is momentous and it is impressive but what I've done I will always continue to say was expected. I had all the support and help anyone could ask for and so much of it I feel guilty there are others attempting to do what I'm doing with less.

Batata Quente

2010-07-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

I've never done a .gif before. I tinkered with the settings so now only 3 posts should appear per page which will help with the load time considering all the multimedia aspects I like to use. This also marks my return to regular updates. I got called in to work on July 4th so even though my wallet was happy, I certainly was planning on using that day in a way that would put me back on schedule sooner. Enough chit chat though.

Now as for Prince, in this moment, he emotes such that you almost forget he is 4 ft tall and has better heels than half the girls in LA. *snaps twice* I love Prince and I think in a lot of ways you have to look at him as an example of how to live your life in a very Macro sense. I say macro because he is obviously crazy. Heels, boas, capes, and ass-less chaps aside he is always busy and always fabulous. Prince has no time to be seen in public shopping. He isn't ever at the hottest club mingling. The man lives in a mansion and cooks pancakes for his guests at 4 AM from time to time. He is the most interesting man in the world and all because he doesn't have the time to tell you about it. Dos Equis definitely has an ingenious marketing strategy but they're missing one key element. Interesting people are always doing and rarely have time to fill in the little people on the deets. As far as I'm concerned I'm ok with living my life a bit closer to Prince than maybe you are. I'm not going near heels under any circumstances nor will I ever wear the ass-less chaps but purple is a nice color and I'm a big fan of scarves, so if a boa is going to land me a mansion then this blog is about to be renamed the JT-Rex Boa conservatory.com

Life beckons and as always I feel like I want to hit snooze. I want to travel the world but in this day and age that can be an expensive thing to do. So I'm promising myself one in state trip and one out of state trip before the new year. I'm thinking Portland in Late August for a whole week would be nice, then from there perhaps Chicago sometime to see a grad school this fall? Sounds fun I think but as always I'm planning trips I want to take alone. I have a horrible track record with trips so hopefully I can sign someone onto the Chitown or even the out of country trips. I'll be with and surrounded by friends in Portland which is kind of why I want to go away. I love all my friends and I'm luckier than lots of people because they all want me to do well and seeing people get genuinely happy for you is a touching thing. However it's insulating and with that much love why would I look anywhere else right? I think a tour of Cardiothoracic medicine wards might be cool. Though off the top of my head that would take me places like Minnesota (Mayo Clinic) and Maryland (Johns Hopkins) so not exactly the most tropical locales available. We will see what happens. Right now it looks like I won't be moving home until after Christmas so I have time to plan this stuff out before shit starts to get real.

I've been out of the house more and more lately. I think in the time post 12/09 I was in a major funk and just didn't want to go outside or see anyone. A lot has changed since then and I'm finding the need to sit in front of my computer happening less and less. I feel bad though. I go whole days doing actual activities and and hanging out with actual people and then I come home to a cold laptop that's been neglected all day. I feel bad but I'm sure it's for the best, it's about time I regain some people skills. I certainly don't intend to let the rat race come between me and the WB & C but I can see a difference already between the way I look at events during a day. Much of what happens I could write about but it's not unique in anyway. When I was moping through life random events seemed more quirky and odd but now that i'm back in the world of the living it seems like life is good but not noteworthy. So all I have to say about summer so far is that... Jonah Hex was a surprisingly good movie as was Lovely Bones. Toy Story 3 however was unnecessarily dark and sad. I want pets, a house, and a family but screaming babies/children are as close to instant birth control as is available right now. Retail can be tedious, boring, and stressful. It can also be a lot of fun. I miss Mr. Wellington like the Dickens and soon I will have him replaced.

I hope you all are doing well and maybe just maybe one of you will leave proof that you were here? Comments are now turned on in case you wanted to leave one.

"Heaven Restores you in Life"

2010-07-25T02:17:00.000-07:00

There are wars going on in my head that no one is winning. No one will ever win them. I always win, but to me winning often looks like losing feels. It is a selfish sort of victory. Cut off the nose to spite the face. I am a spiteful bastard who wants to always be even with those he deems adversaries. Trouble is when you get "even" with someone who's torn you down everyone just ends up in a flaming wreck. I really don't know how to end this loop but I know I just started cooking with Rosemary and may be my new favorite thing since I discovered twitter #hashtags.

If you're a fan of Interpol you've got to be a bit upset. The group has been hard to follow. Plagued by rumors of turmoil and a revolving door of moving parts, this now Trio is about as consistent as a broken clock. Always right every so often, but with long gaps in between where you're never too sure. Carlos D where are you? I find Interpol strange to write about because the ratio of how much I care about them to how much I like them (The Care:Like quotient) is amazingly small. (1:100ish) I really like them, but know almost nothing about them. They aren't my band, I didn't discover them for myself. I was introduced. And so as such an acquaintance was made I am able to fully enjoy their sad mopey music and feel unaffected by it. Cee-lo belts one ominous chord in the background of a song and all of a sudden I'm in shambles but Paul Banks can drone on all day in that monotone yell of his and I feel just fine. Perhaps it is better this way. I suppose it is important to mention that Interpol is the only thing BJ ever introduced me to I didn't hate. It was actually sad how many things I've later rediscovered that I realize I didn't hate so much, but for some reason if she liked it I HAD to hate it. But never these guys. Perhaps it is a testament to them? By contrast however, I couldn't stand to see a band of mine switch its parts around. D.A. and Max birthed Chester French. If either of them ever left I don't know what I'd do. And trust me Max is just as silent on record as Carlos is but they make their presence felt. Julian Plenti what are you doing here? I swear to christ I would punch Dan Auerbach in the mouth if he came out as Ryan T. Sanders and did a solo project. For the record Serge Tankian did a solo effort which sounded exactly like his System of a Down stuff. When I see him, to be sure there will be words exchanged. Music for me is pretty sacred. I love it, I need it. If you're good at it you're a higher being in my eyes, and if you understand it and/or have a good ear for it then I am more likely to get along with you. Don't come at me with any of this lowest common denominator stuff, these radio records. I want to hear about B-sides and live shows. And his name shall be the remix.

I'm getting back on my feet. Pretty soon I will be a whole year out of surgery and I will be able to really put that chapter of my life behind me. I don't think the timing could be worse. So much of my life, all the boyish thoughts and dreams died even when I wouldn't. I made it through the fire to appear on the otherside without anything or anyone familiar to me. Here I go as always planning to go through my life without an accomplice. No man is an island. Call me Gilligan. I'm not really lost but I know I not a mediocre person doing exceptional things. Quite the opposite. I'm a big ball of potential who has amounted to little or nothing. Maybe now that I'm a bit more isolated I'll be able to start turning the potential into output? Who kn0ws? Everyone I talk to sees someone in me that I don't fully believe is there. I think Mandela was right, fearing not what we cannot do, but that which me are meant to be and all that jazz.

I promise that as soon as I figure out what I'm doing you'll be the first to know. Maybe you can tell me? Comment if you think you know what I'll end up doing with my life! DO IT!!

And then I found $10

2010-07-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

What a summer this has shaped up to be. I haven't shamed myself too much these past few months and after a nice celebratory trip home with my main squeeze Drew, I'm ready to get to business and put Eugene in the rear view. I realize I just used a colon in a post title for the first time...it feels strange. I haven't been able to sit down and write in a while so I will now get back to basics and share a story from work.

My job is an interesting one. "Sales" as we call it is kind of like an exercise in primal instinct. Marks...I mean customers need to be courted and catered to, tracked and pursued. No matter which way you slice it selling things to people is a lot like hunting. I often see someone across the room poking at luggage and you might assume that depending on how close I am to my daily sales goal I am more or less interested in helping them. Because making this goal is never all that important to me I usually decide to go over based on how confused they look. I genuinely enjoy meeting and talking to people all day and commission takes all the fun out of it. During a recent sale we were having I sent tons of patrons to other registers because they would end up waiting for me. It was sad to see. So when it comes to "sales" my motive is a social one. I've already met a lot of interesting people and I hope the trend continues especially after one recent group of folks came through the store.

A family came in and I noticed them ambling towards me over the shirt I was folding so I stayed still to allow them to reach me before I went to put it back on it's shelf. The mother and grandmother seemed a tad lost and as I prepared to explain where the restrooms were (it's ALWAYS the restroom) one of the little cherubs they had in tow hit a hanger rack and hit the deck. The noise was abrupt and sharp but not overly loud and there wasn't any odd of fleshy thud so I was pretty sure he hadn't hit his head. Yet in true customer service fashion I got overly worried and asked right away if he was ok, when in fact for the most part, I did not care. His mom fussed at him as she stood holing who I assume to be his sister and G-Ma bent down to investigate.

What is remarkable about this is that the boy the entire time peered up at me from beneath the rack and stayed there, unflinching. He wasn't crying and he didn't seem hurt. I think for him this was just a chance to take a respite from being drug around the mall by this matriarchal duo. I actually had nothing but sympathy for him. I stand all day and watch men lose their souls as women drag them around the mall. My ex's for the most part have never wanted me to go with them to the mall. It's not like I have any sort of remarkable taste in women's clothing. (less is better ladies) Cha-Cha would always try to get me to go to Vicki's Secret with her but at 18 I had some weird aversion to it, so I always fought not to. Needless to say, I respected this kids gangsta.

Regardless, this young fellow was quite content to lay there and so after a few silent moments from him on the ground they finally got him to his feet and stomped off in the direction of what they actually wanted... A stroller. I guess they knew 5 minutes before they found me that this kid was in no shape to keep walking but I'd wager it had nothing to do with him being tired. If I recall this was on the prelunch side of my shift and a spry young man like himself could probably have run circles for 18 consecutive hours that day if it suited him. Instead he was being forced to shop and so in pure passive protest he simply lagged. Keep up the good fight guy, you'll make Ghandi himself proud with passive resistance like that.

This day was pretty good if I recall. I also gained a compliment. I don't actually care about them, but the source is very important. A man came in to buy an omelette pan and so I began to show him the individual pans we have in stock. Almost all are 9" or 12" inches and all are either non-stick or stainless. He wanted a non-stick pan in the 10" or higher range and so I began to uneasily show him the wares. At this point I knew little if anything about cookware and so I feared he would quiz me beyond my training. The questions were fairly rudimentary and I slowly walked him through each. He paused a moment to examine a rack of pans and for no reason at all I walked to grab the first pan we saw just so he could do a side by side comparison. Most folks in my line of work would start the upsale here, and consider my move a good way to really get the customer thinking. "Get the product in their hands" they'll tell you. I did this because we were hanging out and to be honest I felt I should be able to tell them apart because up til this point I could not.

He made a comment that he was glad I'd brought the first pan and then came the kicker. "Which pan would you recommend me?" I was in no position to say which I liked more not owning either and I didn't even know the price of this new one but I felt like the first pan we saw was just mediocre and if memory serves the reason I picked pan #2 was because it had an insulated grip. I hate picking up hot handles. A pause and then he says, "really, this one? even though it costs more than the other one?" Fuck, now he thinks I'm trying to upsell him on a more expensive piece when thats the last thing I want to do. I clinch up for a second reaching for a reason besides "rubberized handles that I can point to and then it hits me. The pan he's got now is non stick, and the one he wanted was nonstick. "Do yourself a favor, throw in the extra and get stainless, you won't be back to replace this. I promise."

I, right now have absolutely no idea if this guy makes pots and pans for a living but I just told him something which I know is at least 38% made up so it's hot under the collar to say the least. I'm sweating quite a bit under the black cashmere. Luckily for me and my self esteem he actually smiles and says "yea I was thinking that too, I'll take the stainless." We walk over and as I ring him up he asks me if I would believe that 60% of the execs atop Fortune 500 companies got their start in sales. I told him that I had no clue but I'd believe it. He said he knew it was true because he was one of them and then mentioned that I was a good salesman. So good in fact that he offered to hire me on the spot.

That was a lie. He didn't offer because he is retired now but we did talk for a second about sales and selling and he was very nice. I was for once able to take a compliment because the 90 seconds prior were so filled with tension that all I could feel was relief and say thank you. I guess I learned one more thing about selling that day too, it's about bullshitting as much as it is about hunting.

Working For The Weekend

Hulk Smash?

2010-07-20T00:06:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be accused of something you haven't done. On T.V. whenever I see people in shows being accused of crimes they haven't committed I always laugh. Why get so upset? If you didn't do it, then the court will see that and I'm sure you'll be set free. The way these people act is just hilarious though. I'm sure in part it is theatrics, but another part of it mirrors true human emotion. In my head I tell myself I would smile and laugh. "You think I'm the one who killed that hooker? I don't even like sex that's offered to me oftentimes, so why would I be paying someone for services? Detective, you've got the wrong guy." In my head this is the calm refusal I would offer. But I think in reality it would be hard to deliver this speech as calmly as I've dreamt it up. Imagine being a kid in class accused of cutting the cheese, or a boss reprimanding you for a mess at the desk when you've just shown up for work. Imagine tripping over a dead body and when you stand up you're surrounded by police. Calm isn't exactly the prevailing emotion in most of these situations. What you want to do quickly and firmly is assert that this accusation is false. You want to make known quickly and if need be loudly that this is wrong. No NO NO! You've got the wrong guy here?! But what if someone is accusing you of being contrarian, or stubborn and argumentative, or always trying to be right?

Now you're stuck. Especially if this person is not all that calm themselves. It can sometimes be an untenable situation to try and tell someone forcefully and with all due care, that they are in fact wrong about you needing to be right all the time without seeming to prove their point. It's not impossible but I've come to realize I don't have the patience to pull it off. If I know I'm right and you're mistaken the Aries in me tells me to just shut up and emote "fuck off" towards the person. I've got stories of at least 3 people I still talk to on a regular basis who put me in this position. I tried to tell Franklin that Ben Rapelisberger won the Super Bowl as a rookie and once the wiki proved me wrong I spent 15 minutes apologizing. I think I'm the only person who does this. No one who tries to set me straight ever apologizes which is quickly climbing the ranks of things that annoy me. A long list indeed.

Most of all I find this situation funny indeed not just for its Catch-22 like segments but also because I simply cannot tell you how often I have to explain to them that I in fact am sure I'm sure because I only really speak when I'm sure. I hate sounding like a dumbass I apologize for 15 minutes not because the other person was right but because for 15 minutes I sounded like an idiot and they had to endure that. I used to bet my brother exorbitant amounts of money on things when we were kids. He'd try and tell me things like the sky was Green or that Raphael was the Blue Ninja turtle or something. (He's obviously the red one) And so every time he lost a bet he'd laugh hysterically or something and I would be incredulous. He still owes me like $252 Billion or something. I took that shit serious and he never won a single bet. Jerk.

I'm just going to shut up. When people accuse me of being stubborn or an ass they're never really wrong. I just don't think many folks have seen me melt down completely. Few people know just how "bad" i can get. And for someone who is willing to bleed for his loved one's I don't even think I wanna know what I'd do if someone really tried to get me on some false charges..? It couldn't go over well for anyone involved I know that much.

The Reeling (Miike Snow Remix)

It's all very simple

2010-07-17T00:51:00.000-07:00

The heart wants what the heart wants and all I want is someone to put up with my shit so I don't have to..and watch Aquateen with me. It's only been 355 days with this "new heart" so I will give it time to lead me where I need to go. In the meantime I'm home now so this will have to be quick. More/better updates are soon to come..including the 100th post wrap which is now 32 posts late and the end of college wrap which is a month and a half late or 9 months early depending on how you look at it. Tomorrow we go to Huntington Beach and if I'm lucky a visit with the Bodhisattva. See you soon.

I want You: Plural not Possessive

2010-07-11T00:44:00.000-07:00

Last Friday night didn't go quite as expected and I've learned a lesson I ought to have long ago. My words are a weapon and their biggest victim is myself. I pop off all the time. I'm quite unafraid to write or say certain things and this usually works only to make me out to be a bigger ass hole than I need to be. I think I've said it before and I'm going to say it again. "When the only tool you have is a hammer, to you, the whole world is a nail." I think I often use my writing specifically to do a job better done sometimes another way.

It's summer time, which means it's time for grody, sweaty sex and movies. This isn't that kind of webpage so for now I will just stick with movies. I don't know what happened to this video and why it looks so trippy but I actually like it. Otherwise it's just 4 Frenchmen standing awkwardly while a bunch of Liberal Hippies cheer them on. Please enjoy.

Ed. Note: Apparently the video uploaded in a very normal and boring fashion; the trippy and much cooler version on my computer was never seen. I continue to apologize that your life is not mine.

The Mgmt.

Geek Life

2010-07-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

I'm going out tonight, and I have work tomorrow so it will be a while before I get a chance to check back in. Until then I offer more proof of my utter Nerd-dom. I am so much more concerned with downloading this new song by Dave Sitek than oogling Daisy that I can actually tell you what book she was holding towards the end of the video. And it only took me like 3 views to decide I don't care for her dancing.....Yea I said it.

No Pants Dance

2010-07-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'll bet you can't guess who I think looks best in this shot. No really you can't.

"The girls I used to chase round were nothing but looks"-Chester French

I could easily do this for the low, low price of $20

Yeen knOW!

No matter how bad it is now I'd rather live in 2010 than 1910.

Absolutely gorgeous...Ladies, you look nice too.

Kim I fucking hate you and your horrible taste in men. Take off that silly ass hat!!

Hey look at this.

Made enough for two boy, Stunt Double

Trannies

Life is a party

Be still my beating heart.

"As a father your only job is to keep 'em off the pole."

No checked Luggage

Fuck what people think. I do what I want.

Oh hello there. #lordhavemercy. El oh El smiley face.

She has a great GPA.

I had a post go up last night which I'm pretty sure no one saw. If you did then that memory is worth it's weight in gold because I don't think it's going back up. It wasn't anything dramatic I just was unhappy with its quality and after mulling it all day I didn't get to it in time to take it down. My bad. Instead I hope you like the pictures.

Shout out to all the people with nothing better to do. Don't watch me, Watch tv.

These Things-She Wants Revenge

We Are Sparta!!!

2010-07-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

This is an old snapshot but it warms my heart to see that I get hits even when I go days and days without posting. Thanks for always checking in for updates. I also recently noticed I have a reader in Anaheim and I didn't know I knew anyone out that way? So hello to you I suppose.

Thanks,

The Mgmt.

The Rabbit

Gag order Pt.2

2010-07-06T00:55:00.000-07:00

I'm back..a little late as always, but I trust you all had a good holiday weekend.

Thanks,

The Mgmt.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The older I get the more I realize why people don't want to talk to each other, and why mind reading though improbable seems like a highly overrated talent to have. Let's all take a second to think of the things we think about during a day.

Now lets all promise never to discuss any of that with anyone...because that was just disgusting. I know I have thoughts I wish I could forget all the time. All the time. I wish I KNEW HOW to QUIT you!! No I'm kidding I quit you already...hehehheeh. Shouts to Pruane2Forever.

All I'm saying is that the other day I walked home with bullets and condoms in my pockets. Well actually I went to dinner first at a family restaurant and all I could think was, "if only these folks knew I was so prepared to both end and prevent life right now.." In reality I had just helped a friend move and the two things he had most of in his place were just that- Bullets and Jimmies. I have no clue why an abundance of either is truly necessary but I'd like to think that he just anticipated the worst and that needing a lot of either means either something very good or very bad and so it would be best to be fully prepared for such a moment. Anyway as parting gifts and the down payment on my days work I was afforded a sample of his cache...That's what she said.

I have a spider's bite on my inner thigh. This upsets me in a way that is quite like finding..mud... on your white shorts.... before Wimbledon. God that was an awful analogy. I suppose it's somewhere north or a trip to the dentist but awfully far south of finding a quarter on the ground. As random daily occurrences go, for me, finding a bite of any kind is at it's base a symbol. I, as I'm sure we all do, find my body adorned in every manner of scratch, bruise and sometimes even bites, while putting on clothes or during showers . (My ex used to bite me..HARD. I don't bruise easily but I did often. The perks of long distance relationships are few though, so I'll count bites as one.) But they were all signs, markers, of the fact that someone or something has been on your body and when you get bitten by a spider it almost always is in your sleep and almost never does it yield super powers. So in my opinion they are a a wholly dissatisfactory thing. I do not like it and no matter what Kate says about them eating pests I've never sought out to harm a spider and I'd appreciate if they showed me the same respect.

US Soccer finished as we all knew they would, at home watching like everyone else. There is no hope for the US side to ever contend for a top spot in world soccer competitions because our best athletes are doing every other sport but this. My own brother for instance would make a great body double for Oguchi Onyewu but he is now riding the pine all so he can keep getting a free education at one of the top universities in the nation. I don't disagree with his choice completely. I think it is a safe, smart move. If I had his talents I might try to play at the highest level simply because our team is so piss poor and it would be a nice exercise in exploration to see just how much better we could get by adding talent alone. Never mind our grade school tactics or the complete lack of team alchemy on field. Oh well. Brazil has been bounced and so they too will sit by and watch. Funny how two overhyped teams have been ousted by more upstart competition. I don't read the Portuguese news but I'm pretty sure one of the biggest endorsers of the Brazilian side is actually an american company. Nike and all the oodles of soccer fans here stateside adorned in the Azul y Verde latch onto them because our own team is so incompetent. Hungry to latch on to a winner more so than most othe countries we eschew patriotism and root for Goliath instead of our own burgeoning David. It is hard to root against a team like the Brazilians but there is no reason why so much talent should fizzle out so readily. What they have in talent usually makes up for the lack in perseverance but in the sad reality of things the US and Brazil are at opposite ends of the same truth; One is too talented for their own good, the other just thinks they're too good.

I know I shouldn't but I'm going to anyway.

I don't know who makes these but they make me feel like I'm on the Truman show.

Let's Find out

2010-06-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

Though if that dream I had last night is true, then this isn't actually true.

"Gag" order Pt.1

2010-06-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

Jay-z said, "Triple entendre don't even ask me how" but I think I just figured it out with that, there title. Smiley Face, Wink, haha I'm kidding. I'll be happy to tell any of you who care to ask. And here's a hint: Yes, one meaning is definitely NOT a request for Sonic Burger though their food is quite gag worthy. In other news I've been getting feedback from friends and family who all say my writing is good but I know you're all lying. People who are good at things get hated on, asked to stop, told they're no good. I haven't a one hater...that I know of. So anyway through the various channels I've been asked to not discuss who or what I want so much so I'm here to verify that since I last washed my sheets on Monday the best thing that's been in my bed besides me are these tickets. Aug 13 @ the Roseland Theatre...it should be a blast. See Part.2 to find out more. (The hair tie is unrelated. They just keep popping up when I clean?)

I don't believe in sampling yourself, so instead of including some reheated stuff I wrote a while back I'm giving you a whole new update. And speaking of which as I write I noticed Big Boi has a sample of his own voice in a song from Sir Lucious Leftfoot: The Son of Chico Dusty. And while I can appreciate the prolix nature of his album title, it gave me pause to see such an amateurish maneuver on his first solo album. It was then that I realized Kanye's newest song gives us the explanation when he says, "I don't need your pussy I'm on my own dick." The initial song is a banger and this new track is one as well so in Mr. Patton's eye's it was simply a matter of himself being the best one for the job. Repurposing material has a decidedly second hand feeling to it because said material will never stand truly apart from it's initial use but the song sounds great and the album as a whole sounds amazing so if one song sounds like it came from a mixtape then I can forgive.

A request was recently made for me to censor myself and I had been meaning to expand my subject material anyway so I'd like to share for a moment the fact that I've just seen Hot Tub time machine. Normally an occurrence as run of the mill as this wouldn't merit a mention but the message I took from it was shockingly narrow and offensive. I know...shocking I took issue with something, what a surprise. This like a lot of other movies was made simply to get people to see it regardless of whether or not they would leave pleased with the experience. Some gratuitous nakedness and profane jokes were thrown in to make the majority of people happy they saw it but little else is even in this flic. It seems like artistic vision was not a word thrown around much on set. I enjoyed the comedy of a flashback to the 80's. It's amazing how much of a decade I only lived through 4 years of is so ingrained in my life. I was also pleased by the original takes on time travel theory and comedic elements found within the film. Wondering when and how the bellhop would lose his arm brought my great joy as did the scene where Craig Robinson's character is "forced" to have sex with a groupie in his jacuzzi. (a different one) This was also a rare instance in which I liked all the actors involved. And most of all I loved the way past and present were contrasted. Over and Over and OVER the point is made that communication in the past ten years has changed so much that we couldn't even talk to people in the late 80's about HOW we even communicate. It's awesome and funny and sad to think about all at once. The point is made when Rob Cordry's character mockingly laments, "Oh, what? You worried you'll have to actually talk to girls with your actual mouth?" It was like the director was screaming "Look! See! It's right here in front of you! Now internalize this and do something about it!! I know this feeling well. Smiley Face. What disappointed me was that each character was portrayed as a modern day version of a common story of failure. In this land where we are promised freedom the only thing we truly have the freedom to do is fail.

Success is a possibility but failure is a guarantee for us humans. Anyway all these guys were pissed and sad with life. They go back in time to the "good ol'days" which don't fucking exist by the way, and were charged with sitting there and not doing anything different. Now lets stop for one second and think about this. Does anyone think about the past in the context of "boy I hope that shit is just the same way I remember it"? Fuck no. If things were good you'd want them to start sooner and end later, and if they were bad then the inverse would be true. So expecting these men to go back to their formative years and make the same mistakes with none of the consequences readily apparent what were we to believe they'd do? It's not like things could get worse right? By the way the whole ominous warning thing with Chevy Chase was stupid. I don't think it made any sense considering they all vastly varied their behavior and nothing bad happened because of it. So to get more to my point the movie seems to say it's ok to hate your present because we all wish we could have done things differently and it's never too late to start changing your mindset. The thing is no one goes back in time and does this. Instead they leave behind a member of the crew who then goes on to use his knowledge of world events to make himself into a mogul on the scale of Bill Gates Multiplied by Tom Cruise. So instead of this being a movie about something redeeming, like not living with mistakes, instead it basically says the only way to be happy is to realize the parts of your life that you don't like, focus on them, then send a buddy into the past to change the future for you and then hand you happiness you did nothing to earn on the backend. Sweet idea? Yes of course. Plausible concept? Not in the least. Rationality be damned, but this movie didn't have the comedic value nor the Breasticular content of wedding crashers so why I wasted my time with it I will never fully know. Next on my list of movies to see is Harry Brown. It's about an old guy who gets pissed and then starts killing people while looking for revenge. Sound familiar?

Here is another story from my time in the hospital:

One night the nurse came in to take my blood and she literally pulled out a manual and a flashlight because she didn't want to wake me. I called the head nurse into my room the next morning and expressed my concerns about the matter. I never saw her again. True story. I wonder how many nurses I got fired?

This is bloody weird. I'm not sure what to think about this picture. I do like gummy bears. But I don't like heart transplants soooo...yea?

That's all I got kin'folks. I'm gonna go write Part.2 and It should be in the next 24-48 hours.

My own dick

Solamente Ti

2010-06-27T00:15:00.000-07:00

Here lets start with your very own gallery. It'll be fun.

Obviously. And a nice attempt at depth. #stillgay

This is true. I was broken as they come. Now I'm T-Rex. It fits.

Not really. #justmoregayshit

I'm serious. All women don't have sex drives like you. #BOGUS

#Gay shit goes here

------------------------------------------------------------------

You are a bit more important than anyone else. It is a shame that so many adages came true between us. The one I think of the most is "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". I honestly wish I could have paid as much attention to you when you needed it as I did at times this year. I have been harsh and unfair but that is just the place I was in. I just got done writing thank you letters to my doctors and my parents and everyone I could find contact info on. But there is really one person who throughout this we know I needed with me. I was selfish...as well all would have been. I'm not even the hero people make me out to be, I was just too stupid and arrogant to even know the danger I was in. I want this for you because you were there and you deserve my thanks as much as anyone else. I want to let the past be the past and stop being so bitter. I can't really continue to live that way as even now my acute memories of you start 6 years ago and end some 3 or 4 years later.

I walked by the exact spot I was in when I first heard Adam's name and I laughed almost out loud at myself for being in that situation. It didn't feel good to remember don't get me wrong, but I felt like I was laughing at the younger me for making such an obvious mistake that May. You loved me more than I deserved and more than anyone could. I certainly don't expect things to be fixed or be better just because of this but to me it was necessary to do. What I wrote to you I meant. Do good for this world, better than it ever did for you. I hope to do the same for you and the family too. There is a ton I want to say because more than anything I miss our conversation. Now all I see are the products of peoples pasts. This girl is standoffish, that one is careless. You were the last legitimately open and "honest" person I've spoken to in years. It is weird to see so many people feeling so many emotions. This world just needs one big fucking hug. I obviously won't say it but it's always there. I don't know what I want, I don't even think I know who you are, all I know is that this had to be done.

Would you please? I don't want you to witness this one. But I would like to be sprinkled onto my laptop if at all possible.

Sinister Kid by Jt-Rex

Goddamn

2010-06-26T23:49:00.000-07:00

But I know I shouldn't

"I said NO PICTURES"

2010-06-25T01:41:00.000-07:00

I miss the shit out of this girl. Last time I was home I gave Esther my number and perhaps by coincidence now I get calls from strange 562 numbers all the time. Finally got a chance to answer one the other day and their was no voice on the other end. I realized it was most likely my godchild. Who in her entire earthly existence has never spoken 3 consecutive English words to me. But no matter, her mom thought it was a good idea and I don't think I can say no to the possibility of hearing her voice. It was ridiculous of me to have given Esther my number but I love her so I did. Such a pushover Let us pray.

Gift and A Curse

2010-06-23T23:51:00.000-07:00

It is nice to have the sun out and the weather warm up, but summer is also the season when sleeping with someone in your bed becomes...problematic. Not for me though..I don't sleep. The heat does foster my one true favorite thing though..sleeping nude. I love PJ's as much as the next guy, but is there really a feeling better than being nekkie? Nope didn't think so. I have seen a lot more sun ups than I think I ever imagined I would. I literally thought today, long and hard about asking my doctor for Ambien. Partly so I can see what Tiger Woods was all excited about and partly so I can function on a normal schedule.

I wrote a while back about how I have a distaste for American soccer, and I very much still do. However there is one thing that makes me happy and that is seeing them win despite the blatant robbery going on. Soccer is probably my favorite sport to play but it is getting close to my least favorite to watch. It is like the rules say you have to overreact and bitch out at the slightest sign on contact. Soccer players get hit and hurt legitimately a lot, but there is an advantage to be gained by pretending you have when in fact you haven't and what's more is that players will forgo opportunities in the moment by flopping to set up a free kick and a new possibility later. I hate it. I can't stand it. It's pathetic. The best part of american football is that the play isn't over until the ball carrier is knocked or dragged to a stop. Falling is something to avoid. Watching players give their all to avoid falling or try to inflict the hit to make a tackler fall first is awe inspiring. Watching good athletes duck and dive is sissified and frustrating. The Americans have had to learn it to keep pace and I think to gain me as a fan they will have to learn a new fully American style. I want to see a team that plays through hits and gives just as much as it gets. I'll bet MONEY that this translates to more goals. It also depends on the assumption that ref's don't penalize this aggressiveness, but with 2 goals disallowed in a span of 2 games it doesn't seem FIFA or the refs could be doing anymore to fuck us over anyway. Oh well, at least I have this to cheer me up. 0 goals. 0 wins. A country that's #1 export is quite clearly....Losers.

Now let's have another story from my time in the clink:

I was taking a cocktail of pills for about 2 months and part of the regimen was a series of electrolytes. The balance of those vitamins in your blood are essential to the bodies ability to conduct electricity. I was under massive diuretic treatment so I was peeing more than I was allowed to drink back each day. The resulting situation was a "need" for supplements. Most pills are fairly uniform in size but I've learned to be wary of two types...the very big and the very small. Potassium is a very large pill. It also has a very distinct taste, an unpleasant one at that. So when it came to taking them I was never excited. I tried and forced myself, other times I simply threw them out. One day I was made to take a Potassium pill against my will and subsequently vomited. Needless to say I was feeling murderous and the nurse who forced me never got assigned to my room again. I swore then that I didn't care..I wasn't going to be taking any more Potassium. Weeks later I went in for a checkup in the VAD clinic and part of that process is to check the 'scrips list. We go down the list and make sure that what I'm taking matches what they have written down for me. We got to Potassium and as per my "do not lie to doctors rule" I said no...I've stopped taking Potassium. In fact truth be told I had never taken Potassium on a consistent basis. I had taken less than a handful of pills during the entire 2 months up to that point when I should have gone through at least a few bottles by then. Like I said...it didn't suit me. I fully acknowledge I can often be too smart for my own good and that makes me a horrible patient. But my reasoning is sound. People will tell you to do stupid things because the risk lies with you and not with them. Just following blindly like sheep works for some but not for me. It absolutely just sucks. And to top it all off my blood tests dating back to the start of all this revealed....that the level of Potassium in my blood had never been low. NEVER! The doc's didn't care the pills were huge, or that it made me vomit. They were blindly treating a symptom that wasn't even there.

And people wonder why I don't listen to anybody... SMH

Cease Fire

2010-06-23T00:23:00.001-07:00

I want to take a step back and not attack anyone or anything for a while. It's not because I feel bad but I find that my rants are becoming to similar and no new ground is being covered. It's a great schtick but I would rather be Jon Stewart than Lewis Black. Instead I will go back to my roots as a debut specialist. You all should come here wondering what new and exciting things I've wasted my time mining from every corner of the Inter Webs. Tonight's entry to the debate is this video. It is silly, but music makes me happy. Play it loud and shake your ass...BENGA!

This Shit right here

2010-06-22T02:27:00.000-07:00

Look I'm sorry...I know I told you I was going to come with new inspiration and new subject matter but tonight happened first. I actually want to talk about race in a positive way. My goal is to make race like any other topic of discussion. It's a taboo subject that no one can speak on comfortably and those that do speak comfortably, usually do so poorly and in a manner that make you wish they wouldn't. Alas tonight brings about a cherished moment in which someone stumbles upon the topic clumsily at an extremely inopportune time. If you're unfamiliar with slurs being thrown at you then imagine being deathly allergic to bee stings and every few weeks or so someone either purposely or incidentally calls you the N word. It's feels something similar to that. What gets me the most is how casual people can be about it. It's amazing to me how easily some folks will allow themselves to just speak out of pocket. I've said it before and I'll say it again but I've lived in a place now for almost 6 years where on many an occasion I am the first of my kind someone else has ever interacted with and so in many ways I've lived 6 years as nearly an Alien. Different than a foreigner or someone of a different gender. Even on a continent where people look a lot more like me than anywhere else I am still different. People are no longer parading down a street dressed in garb specifically meant to signify their hate (not in lage number at least...well not all the time at least..at least not where I live..I hope) but the mentality is still there. "I think this and regardless of how that may make you feel I am going to carry on because to be honest I have no idea how you might feel and don't care to even guess." The title picture speaks volumes to me. Imagine walking down a street and passing a large group of people who wore clothes or some other way made it known VERY clearly that if they weren't busy going to the movies or just happened to catch the inclination they would kidnap and kill you without any provocation quite readily. YOU. READER. ARE SOON TO BE SNATCHED AND MURDERED. Why? Simply because someone else wants you gone. To pass that group by and just carry on with your day is crazy to me. What a mind fuck.

I think there have only been two occasions in my adult life in which someone proceeded to call me or refer to me as the N-word. The first time shouldn't have been that much of a surprise since my friends first comment about her initial trip to my house was shock at the lack of a specific smell and then later telling me she had a had a distinct personal distaste for black girls. Surely she'd forgotten whom my mother and grandmothers grew up as. But it was an honest mistake I am certain. Her friends and family probably share similar sentiments and within her circle of friends it is more than acceptable to speak like that. This girl tonight (guys seems to be more thoughtful around me?) I am less familiar with but what happened I am all too familiar with. I don't accidentally refer to my gay friends as fags or even tell them to stop being gay when they don't want to do things I ask them to. And for the most part Gay-ness isn't a visible trait...My Blackness however I like to think is. So as this person I'd never met before handed me a ping pong ball she said, "Here ya go Nigga..oh wait that might be offensive to you huh?"

What to do, what to do..? What would you have done? What is to be done? Why are we doing anything? Unfortunately I am accustomed with this stream of thought. The options are wide and varied, but in something I think abuse victims are fully familiar with, the prevailing interest at just that moment is mostly "Make this end ASAP" I don't want to defend my honor, or set people straight. I'm never out to cause a scene. To me what matters is making it stop because all other options seem longer and more painful even if the end result is better. It is never really awkward however. I always feel like whatever I do will be the right choice because it will be justified. Awkward is watching people who I know and like try to deal with the situation around me. Singing song lyrics, reciting raps, just telling jokes...people find themselves on radio edit mode and the pauses are filled with tension and pain. Most times I just laugh because it is like some unspoken agreement that if I left the room just then things would go on explicitly but as a courtesy to me I'll be spared.

The worst for me though, is hearing someone I actually like, talk out of their ass. I've heard again and again that most comedians aren't racist because they are equal opportunity offenders. This from a woman who's husband is Latino. I wish just once I'd dared to ask her if calling me a Nigger would be okay as long as she called him a Spic? No Melissa that logic doesn't follow. I dunno what people think but this all just shows me that my life's work is laid out for me and there's nothing left but to do it. I can't count the number of times now I've been pushed to write on a topic ahead of schedule with something already in the works and here we are again. I'll soon have the full diatribe up but for now just know that if you are a friend of mine your speech will be as free of racial slurs as mine is and that when you are reciting text, lyrics, or movies, it is up to you what form it takes coming out of your mouth, but I will never find issue with the repetition of copyrighted material. It's not my place to tell you what bears repeating or not. I hate writing these. I'm going to do a Blog-cation where I only post pictures, videos, and write about things I saw on TV for two weeks. I'm starting to depress myself.

We Are Rockstars by Jt-Rex

Just for Fun

2010-06-20T23:23:00.001-07:00

I'm working on some new angles. New inspirations, and with summer here and at least for the moment I can do as much of this as I want guilt free. So enjoy the flick's while I cook up some more text.

Re: Jane's Addiction what I meant to say was that I wish I still had someone to confide in not so much that I wish I could still or want to now, confide again. Anywho...to make a horribly broad and not all that accurate comparison I feel a lot of times that my mind works a lot like a nuclear reactor. It's got a great capacity for output but creates a lot of waste in the process. It's power can be harnessed for a lot of good things, but has equal potential to melt down and destroy quite literally. And of course each need maintenance and supervision to continue to run properly. I think it is no small coincidence that when I lost the person I was able to talk to everyday to keep me grounded and in check that it wasn't long before I started writing publicly. I have no where to go with these thoughts a lot of time and when I had no one to tell them to it didn't stop them from coming. Now that I'm better they only come quicker. I have vivid dreams and nightmares all the time and they bother me. People die, I hurt people, things are always based in reality and instead of the unreal shocking me I get scared at how close to reality things can be. I think I'll take my weird, unshakable, Fentnyl dreams over these nature made nightmares any day.

Why so serious?

2010-06-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel villainous, immoral, and malevolent. It makes me act in a way that doesn't reflect the person I'd like to be. I may do bad things but I feel better making than breaking, giving than taking, and certainly much better by forgetting than forgiving. =)

As for you, Youtube, and greater Capitalist America at large...I could not give a flying fuck about Robert Pattinson and which cereal he eats while Swedish Hookers take turns swapping his Brit-Jizz back and forth in a Hotel room somewhere. I am saddened and offended that this would entice anyone to click the link though I know it will because there are 5 names I can think of right now that would make me do the same thing. (kanyemayajetergnarlsrex) So I'm as always no better than the rest but it still is like a swift kick in the nuts to see drivel raking in money while people with actual valuable ideas sit and suffer.

I try not to support anything I actually hate deep down inside. I believe at one point it was called morality, and when you just couldn't resist it was called a guilty pleasure. Being a revolutionary is hard work. I'm not soap boxing every day, I don't live in a commune...I don't even really recycle that much. This country had about 265 years of political inertia going before I was born and so I've quickly learned I'm not gonna be the one to turn things around. But at this time, on this day I fucking hate that what we are selling is Robert Fucking Pattinson. Not him, but what he is part of. Hollywood at large, crappy Disney Movies and the mind fuck they are for kids, People Magazine, and on and on, etc. It isn't even that I hate those things so much. It's the feeling of knowing my friends and neighbors all consume it. We as a people will not go down in history as a great civilization. We are going to go down as a fat, unhappy, immature, group of folks. Most of all I'm mad at myself for not caring more, or doing more, mostly for resembling this remark, for being part of it all. Wall-E was a great movie because it so accurately evoked the present through a lens even a child could understand.

So don't sell me R.Patt, sell me something I can use. Sell me the patience to put up with the general public so I can go run for office and try to do some good without having a goddamn stroke. Sell me the cure for bad driving so I can fly a crop duster over the goddamned 405 freeway. Sell me a way to be a better boyfriend so my girlfriend won't go get corn holed by some Coke head because he "is the right accessory for this outfit." I would love to buy the cure for cancer so I don't have to watch my friends brother text me updates about how they're discontinuing life support today, I didn't ever think I'd watch someone die via BBM. If you could just find a way to mass market tolerance so we don't see people blowing each other up over a patch of dry arid land in the Middle East that would be sweet. It's been a long time, but if I sound whiny or uninformed. Misguided or aloof. If right now you're asking me to come off my high horse, you can shut the fuck up because I'm not talking to you anyway.

Now you know why I want to fly to space so bad. Let's watch this and cool out now.

Jane's Addiction

2010-06-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Over dinner one night last week I got to talking about my Heart Surgery and all that entails. The question I get asked most is also the one I have no answer for most of the time. Until now that is. People always want to know one thing, "how did you get through it all", which to me is a funny question. No one ever asks how you persevere past a cold, or what it took to come back from a broken bone? Sure heart failure is more serious but it is just as unpredictable and hard to prevent right? I've come to the conclusion however that my success has as much to do with medicine and a strong support system as it has to do with my horrible attitude.

Jadakiss said it best I think. "Fuck Boys do Fuck boy shit/ I never have and still ain't nothing to fucked with." It's really quite poetic I think. As a man and as part of American culture I've long idolized the Hero character. The Lone Ranger, Tony Stark, Greg House, and Richard Branson. You'll find that for the most part they all mostly faked it until they made it but did so as an art form. They were so adept at asserting their will that each day the character in question would get up and never question for one waking minute whether or not he could face and conquer all that came at him that day. It is an irrational belief for anyone really but it doesn't stop them, that is why they're revered in our society. So to answer the question of how I survived this harrowing adventure all you need to know is that to me it wasn't a task at all. I honestly am unimpressed by it and continue each day to be unimpressed. I suppose if you told me that you had done the same thing and I never did I would consider it a feat. And even though I have gone through it I still do find it incredible others can and do each day. It's just me I'm unexcited about. However that doesn't mean you shouldn't be excited about your own achievements and so to help you achieve them I give you...

The "Rules to live by", not to be confused with my "Rules for being Human".

1) Don't overcomplicate things. The more nuance you give something, the higher the probability that you find a way to mess things up.

2) Be clear of what you want. The last thing you need is other people deciding for you. Assert yourself. Took me a while to learn this one but once you get it down then you'll be in the drivers seat.

3) Women: Make them smile. Get them in a good mood then keep them that way. You are really only ever safe when they are happy. Women.Happy.ALWAYS.

4) Don't follow the pack. If the majority of People are doing it then you don't want to do it. Trust me. When was getting a degree a fad, how about curing cancer, is that a fad? No, so do you and be unique. Do your best to not resemble what you see on TV. (Unless it's E! Because if you have the ability to make yourself or anyone else resemble Kim Kardashian then I'll never stop you.)

5) Test folks. Disagree or contradict people every now and then for no real reason. Their reactions to this will tell you who is with you and who is against you.

Now back to the topic. Let's look at one of the first arguments I ever had with Ex pt.3. I told her one night that I wasn't a "nice" guy because "nice" at that point sounded like "chump". I of course proceeded to piss her off in an attempt to show just how tough and all that I was but the problem I was having was feeling my ability to stand up to a challenge was fully appreciated and what she was having trouble with was understanding why I wasn't comfortable with the label. Years later as I demanded French Toast and juice whilst intubated, I'm sure we all figured out tough wasn't nearly strong enough a word for me.

Simply not giving a fuck is my key to success ladies and gents. It either will or it wont be.

Speaking of BJ (she loves these little shout outs), I saw her on my last trip home. She's graduated it seems. If not then the quote I left on her Cap'n'Gown photo is a bit premature. Oh well. Is it weird I miss her sometimes? Yea I think so too. Not 2009 her though anyway. 2005-06 was a much better vintage and I missed that even while we still spoke. So...yea. I miss lots of things by the way... Sushi, California sun, smog. It's familiarity I crave so don't judge me. Speaking of Gowns I find them incredibly fun o wear. I have no intention of being a judge but I think on my next trip to a show in Portland I'm gonna rock mine so just a heads up Patrick.

Bonus Rule- Take off that silly ass Hat!

Fulfill your duties young man

2010-06-15T03:22:00.000-07:00

Some nights provide stories that don't need to be written. Mainly because they're all stories in the end. This one may happen to contain streaking at 3 AM after closing down the bar, or a mother in full cougar mode at a party after a few drinks, or perhaps best of all Sir CockBlockington III of Cockblockshire; who told me in plain english come nights end that he was staying with me because I was the only person left whom he knew. But so what, it's still just a story about a night. The night also included me getting the most legit ride home ever midway through my walk across town which does deserve some pub' so shouts to my girl Holly and the Oregon Taxi co.

Tonight was definitely a good night so don't get me wrong when I say it's nothing to write about. It was just nothing out of the ordinary. If anything it was as much like anything I've ever done as any night in my life...except for the streaking...yea that set it apart but that's a different story altogether. Speaking of things staying the same I have given up sleep for lent. It is neither Lent nor am I Catholic but what I do want to do is stop sleeping. I get a lot more done and though my daylight hours tend to drag at the end of a 40 hour pull or near the end of a week in which I've only accrued 20-25 hours of sleep, I still find it preferable. I also did most of my sleeping post coitus as a monogamous man but lately I don't see that as the end of my night. This night went well though I feel bad for leaving Sir Cockblockington at some random house party. Though then again not really. He and the tool bags at the door deserve each other. Oh by the way...I graduated today.

Gimme the night

Just let me do what I need to

2010-06-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

This post could get real deep, real fast but...well let me stop there. Everything I write has that potential. What I mean to say here is that no single piece of television has influenced my life quite the way Breaking Bad has. The characters all make me hate them and then respect them or some iteration thereof. I honestly have to say I can't tell you how realistic the show is due to my limited experience in the drug game but I can vouch with absolute certainty that the lessons the show teaches are beneficial in the life game. I mean lets take Marie, Walt's sister in law. She is a kleptomaniac, she's selfish, and she can be irrational. She also is loving and devoted. Her man was gunned down by some hitmen working for the Juarez cartel and instead of being consumed by fear **coughmomcough** she stepped up her expectations of herself and everyone around her. Of course to an equally irrational level as you'd expect but still no bed was too comfy and no silverware was too clean. She fought and advocated for her man and best of all...She was there to kick his ass when he didn't want to work. When he had given up on himself she reminded him there were those who looked up to him and relied on him. The scene is perfect because it actually illustrates a piece of advice I've given several of my girlfriends*. (*Not lady callers, female amigos.)

"Whenever you want to say something and be sure your guy hears you, make sure you're gripping his balls when you say it." I guarantee with 100% certainty that even if your man is dumb enough to not do it, he will be able to recite word for word what you told him. If by chance he doesn't recall then guess what...He's not your man.

If you're curious, the scene revolves around Hank not wanting to get out of the hospital because he was embarrassed to need help walking. She was giving him a bed bath and decided to take things beneath the sheets. She dared him that if she could get him chubby then he would have to agree to come home. Like a fool he tried to get out of the bet, but talk about bets you simply cannot lose. So he gives her one minute to try and stroke his pole into tent making status and sits back daring her to succeed. To his shock and hers the lil' soldier stood at attention like we all knew it would! Smash cut to the next scene and he is being wheeled out and right behind him with a smile of perfect content is his woman. Kudos to you madam. You may be a thieving, whiny, bitch most episodes, second only to your sister Skylar (more on that hoe later) in Cuntiness. But this day you stood tall and proud as you helped your man...also stand tall and proud. {Sidenote: the only true place for a HJ is the hospital...or the movies #worksforme #truestory} The list of derogatory terms for this is long and colorful. Bottom bitch, main hoe, down as broad. But I reject those mainly because they're demeaning but also not fully accurate. She in that moment was more like the team captain.

Not always the star player, but someone EVERYBODY listens to. She saw the star of the team moping and did what had to be done, not just to pleasure this guy but also to get the team back on track. For any of you who are athletically inclined this is the role Derek Fisher plays for the Lakers. Probably the only one who has a shot in hell of getting Kobe to even acknowledge him in the crunch but still not all that important in the grand scheme.

So you see what just happened there... I wanted to tell a story of how this show in particular makes me feel like no other show (and very few people) have ever made me feel before but instead I got into a 600 word tangent. And this is why I said I couldn't let things get deep. Otherwise I'd still be explaining how there are more stars in the sky than grains of sand on all the beaches in the world and what that means about you and me ultimately. But that makes my point in a way now doesn't it. I did and often still do begrudge people based on taste. If you listen to certain music or watch certain shows, I just can't fuck with you. It's not in my nature. But I think I'm starting to relax that stance a bit. I was at a point where even though the drama is entirely constructed within the script and the show fits perfectly together because it is all planned and pre-made... I just couldn't help but be overwhelmed with emotion. And to that end I feel like anyone who can get that same feeling from something needs to indulge and be left to do so in peace. I will most likely still question your ability to be moved by Edward and Bella, or Frodo and Golem but I don't want to deprive anyone of that feeling art can sometimes give us. Goddamn this show is nuts. Catch the Finale this Sunday night.

(You've Got) The Magic Touch

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Told Ya! -The Mgmt. 6/9/10

it's an honor and a privelege

2010-06-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

The world cup is soon upon us. I absolutely love soccer and the world cup in particular. The Olympics are cheesy, over produced, and mostly composed of sports and people you've never heard of. Unless I'm in the Olympic Village, partaking in the true "Games" I really have no interest in most of what goes on. There are just two teensie, tiny, little, problems that exists for me here.

1) I have no one to root for.

2) Soccer doesn't love me back.

My soccer career was short lived to say the least but the sport captured my imagination and every time I would pick up a new game I'd still look back on soccer with reverence. The reason I have no one to root for is because American soccer is by and large shitty. "100% Rat Ass" as they say. The ODP program in the states is meant to glean the best talent we have and turn it into the future of soccer here. Like most national programs in any country this one is by all accounts corrupt and largely useless. What we need is for all of our best talent to FIRST stop playing baseballbasketballfootballhockeyortrack and then we can talk about soccer. Right now simple market forces draw any talented young man into team sports like football and basketball because they have proven to be great ways for some kids to get to go to college for free. Soccer is the opposite. It takes a lot of time and money to support a burgeoning soccer star and even with success the payoff is minimal in comparison. I'm shocked even $250 million was enough to lure David Beckham stateside. If I was the British Michael Jordan of soccer I'd be DAMNED if I was going to sully my good name for less than a Billie.

Anyway American soccer in my eyes is cool except the star player is Landon fucking Donovan, the poster boy for entitled, boring, $50,000 a year HIGHSCHOOL soccer. I can't root for that. Clint I-Grew-Up-In-A-Trashcan Dempsey I can root for but Landon Timothy Donovan...? Naw man, cain't do it..that's right I caIn't.

The other issue, is one I can never seem to get away from. It is after all Happy Black Girl day and though I haven't even scratched the surface of my thoughts on race, this story works out perfectly for the occasion. There have been oodles of new posts popping up across the Net talking about the World Cup and trying to sell it. This one in particular caught my eye for obvious reasons, but it wasn't until I was done reading all the way through it that I realized why it was so eye catching. Now the title DOES say 7 women, 7 titles. But when there is that much pootie-tang staring me in the face I am even less want to read than I already am. So I perused the pages of the post linked above and finally got to the last page.

Perhaps the most gorgeous woman I've seen ever let alone the most gorgeous of the 7 was there staring me in the face alone...all by herself. Now I understand that there are those who could contend they were saving the best for last or that this was simply a matter of mathematics but I've seen plenty of ad campaigns and this is clear.

EVERYTHING in an ad campaign is planned out. You'll notice in the group shots Charlene is the only one who doesn't really overlap. (Read: crops out easily) She also happens to be one of only 4 women that represents a country whose won the cup in the last 50 years. So how is it she is a perfect pair for contemporary champs but gets left out of the greater display? I mentioned to start that this was a well thought out ad campaign and maybe now you're thinking it's simple matching. "She happens to be the only dark skinned women and so to match her up with a girl who looked so different might have thrown of the look of the shoot." Yea thats possible but why is that important? These girls are just eye candy we can drape jerseys and socks over. How they look should really be secondary and to be honest I'd be more concerned with the jerseys clashing than their hair or skin. Calling out racism is hard because it is so ingrained in the way we do things here on Earth that people can look right at it and not see it for what it is. It's sad really and the malice here is of the most benign sort. I'm sure the models were all treated equally well and they all had fun supporting their men and countries. What does suck is that someone at the back end of the process thought it to be more profitable to downplay the appearance of this one girl in particular because for some reason seeing an unimaginably beautiful woman who is a bit darker than your average European apparently might turn people away.

Better Business

2010-06-06T22:09:00.000-07:00

I swear this Blog is the worst thing for my GPA. I put far more time into this than anything else really. One of the new innovations I've decided to employ here is the use of "bumps". Anyone who reads me regularly knows that the photos I include often correspond to the points I'm making in the text. Now I want to do the same with sound. Just below is a post about my last trip home. It's probably the only story I'll include being that so much time has passed and a true recap isn't really relevant anymore. What is going to happen from now on is that when my page loads you'll be greeted with a soundbite that relates to the newest post. (What you're hearing now corresponds to the post below) Obviously there are always subliminal or subtextual plot lines here and I think a lot of times the music will play on that. By the way for the uninitiated a "bump" is the radio industry term for sound playing into and out of breaks during a show. I like this idea better than having entire songs mainly because it seems most folks aren't here that long and those that are probably have their own music playing. I don't know how many of you check this from a mobile device (shouts to Sis and her Nexus) but I know there may be issues getting Soundcloud to play on an iPhone or iTouch. As always your comments are welcome. Now as promised a story about the hospital:

There is an epidemic of incompetent switch board operators in hospitals. I can’t tell you the number of times I have gotten a call sent to my room asking for Sheila or Barry or Lourdes. I always try to be polite and tell them to try again, no I cannot transfer you, yes this is the hospital, No I do not know what room they’re in. So on this night as I lay staring at the ceiling when the phone rang round'about 1 AM I didn’t think to answer it. But it rang and rang and there was something about it that made me think something was up. So I reached over and grabbed it. That’s what she said...

It was Dr. Kwon. “Hey Murray?”

“Hey Jerome, I have to ask you about something so listen first then tell me what you think.”

“..*sweats* ok doc, shoot.”

“We may have a heart for you but there are some things I’ve gotta let you know first.”

This is the first time anyone has ever offered me a body part and I’m unsure the proper protocol so I just sit there nervously.

“The CDC (yes that one) mandates that we advise anyone who may receive organs, of the risks that come along with them. We have a 43 year old Male who is a good size match for you.”

“Ok...”

“Well he was incarcerated less than a month ago and so there is a chance he was exposed to Hep C or HIV while inside and it may still be too soon for a positive test to show up on the blood work.”

Now imagine you need a transplant and the first fuckin one they offer up belongs to an ex con. Definitely was something I considered beforehand and it was probably the only thing I didn’t want. Murphy’s Law in full effect. Oh but it gets better.

“Babble, babble, Doc I don’t know what to say? Am I allowed to say no? I wasn’t expecting to get an offer so soon. It’s 1:48 Am and I’m by myself, I wasn’t expecting to have a choice?”

Dr.Kwon calms me down, slows me down, and assures me that this is all standard and really a function of our good relationship. He feels we can talk constructively and I deserve to have some input.

“..*my government name*…I feel that I have to let you know something else before you think any further.”

“Oh, Great”

“This guy…he died from a self inflicted gunshot wound.”

“..Oh? Do tell?”

“Well he was out on parole and I guess he raped a woman..”

That sentence doesn’t trail off but in my head I instantly begin to assume I’m going to end up with a rapist's heart because I still am not sure I get to say no. I die a thousand deaths in that second.

“…and he was on the run from the police. Apparently there was a stand off and he shot himself in the head.”

“Oh, well that isn’t good.”

Dr. Kwon begins to reassure me and talk over other details of the situation pertaining to what would happen if I say yes. He informs me that this call is because if we go forward with this he is going to have to start calling people and waking them up, namely the Chief of Medicine to get the final okay. I do apparently have the right to decline this offer but with a hall full of people waiting I feel it would almost be rude of me to pass up this opportunity we all are waiting for. Then again saying no frees up this heart for someone else to take. Now I’m not sure if I’ve made it abundantly clear but there is only one crime on this earth that I truly care about. I think rape is the most heinous, truly reprehensible crime on the planet. I would rather have Enron snatch my retirement out from under me than watch anyone be raped. I just simply cannot abide it under any circumstances. To think that I could get out of the hospital and end the waiting game right then and there was scary enough. But adding in the fact that in order to do so I would sign up to live the rest of my life with a heart once used to rape someone…I just had no words. I mulled over in my head if I was even ready for surgery. This along with the more legitimate HIV and Hep C realated risks led me to eventually say no.

Then I went back to staring at the ceiling with plenty more to think about.

Steve Irwin x Barry Bonds = ?

2010-06-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I played T-ball. Being a 5 or 6 year old, despite the balls stationary demeanor, I was often unable to hit it very convincingly. Ken Griffey Jr. at the same age probably would have knocked that shit out of the park. He’s Ken Griffey Jr., that’s what he is good at and that’s what he does. I was not. He is good at using a stick to hit a defined object in space. I am learning. Phallic metaphors aside, taking a stick like object to hit a target in space is a skill every man (some women too) should have. Truth be told we all need to know how to “hit it”. What? Have you never eaten before? If you’ve ever taken a bite of food off a fork that wasn’t being guided accompanied with airplane noises or a bib, then you know how to find an object in space. Raise your hand if you think you could keep eating even if you had no arms…thought so. I’ll bet we all could. We know what food looks like, what it tastes like, and in an emergency what it smells like. You act like you’ve never had to wrap those lips around a...lemme stop, you get the point.

My problem is that I need to take more “batting practice”. Metaphorically speaking I think I can tell a ball or a strike when I see one, and I’m less afraid to swing when I see a pitch to hit these days, but at the end of the day I still strike out more than I make contact. I love writing this right now because I’ve long said baseball was a perfect allegory for life. Look at all the baseball related analogies we have. Getting to third base, striking out, scoring!, the list goes on and on. If you couldn’t tell, think I can tell my story here completely using only baseball analogies, lets find out.

I’d been waiting to face this pitcher for quite some time. I think she’s gaining command of her fastball just now after being kind of shy and quiet in high school while I’ve just begun to get my feet under me in the batters box after taking a pitch in the ribs on my last at bat. (Yea this is gonna work perfectly!!)

She only really throws heat with a change up every now and then to mix it up but there is no breaking stuff. What you see is what you get and everyone knows it. The mindset she takes on the mound is basically this, “I’m gonna throw it and if you can catch up to the speed, you’ll connect, if not you’re going down on strikes.” What I forgot in this instance is that pitchers like this don’t wait around, they don’t try and trick you, they want to get you out. So when I stepped in to the box I expected to take the first pitch and see what I was dealing with. She told me she’d change in the car and meet me back in town. When I saw her strike one was in the glove before I even saw the pitch go by. In my head I was just giving her the benefit of the doubt, “maybe she’s always this put together I thought to myself?”

I learned my lesson from the last girl, so the conversation here was almost purely about the books I was looking to buy and HER. The Bodisattva’s birthday gift got the ok but my book on cover letters got nixed. Everything was cool and I was feeling good. She laughed when I joked, and she looked just like she does on Facebook so I’d say the count was 2-1…all even. The next pitch was a swinging strike. A very hittable pitch came as I offered this, “Tell me everything that’s happened in the last 6 years.” There I was wasting time again. Get to the point, save the small talk for later. Huge whiff. What’s sad is that it wasn’t even my homerun swing. I basically tried to take what she gave me and just shoot it in the gap to right field. Lame. Hitting with two strikes isn’t hard but I barely realized I had two strikes. Her birthday came up. “Happy birthday” I said. First smile I’d seen in ten minutes, ball 3, full count. Sidenote, girls who get extra happy at minor compliments have baggage, it’s a fact. Girls deprived of the little things in life grow up to over value them later. So we talked some more and she was throwing heat right down the middle, I must have fouled off three or four pitches. Her ex this, her haters at work that. I wasn’t going down and had managed to learn quite a bit but I needed a HIT, not a walk. Heres gods honest truth, women don’t want to know or even think they can strike you out, they want to maybe perhaps hope one day it will be possible but if they know they got you, not only will they strike you out but in embarrassing fashion. This is where it gets nasty. She is pissed I’ve just been fouling off pitches, wasting her time. I could easily have taken any of them the other way for a double and so she decided it was time to get me out. In my defense just having all her teeth and being fine weren’t enough to make me want to take another swing, I had to know if she was ready...ready for what I don’t know, maybe I mean find out if I was ready. Anyway here we are, inka por mi brazo came up... So did her shirt. She turns away from me and raises the back of her shirt all the way to the bra strap to show me her floral tat. Then for added effect (think of the zito walk off after his curve in ’02) she shows me the bow tatted on her hip bone, just northwest of what I can only assume is a perfectly clean shaven lady cave.

Yea…she was ready, Strike three looking and in my head I can still feel my eyes locking in. Now maybe I swing and get a dropped strike three or foul into the glove. But im frozen. She broke out a changeup right at the knees that I swore would break over the plate and just never did. I was out and didn’t even know it yet.

I think batters who swing at everything strike out a lot, but also get a lot of hits. Good hits, bad hits, bloop singles and off the wall doubles. Me, I get a lot of the same…K usually one looking back at me.

Swinging, most times looking, but either way I end up back in the dugout watching. From now on all women too me are going to have to be the one thing I really love and understand, beisbol!

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!!

2010-06-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it's because I've been studying all day for the first time in weeks or because I'm following up an 8 month drought (medically induced) with a 6+ month drought (attitude induced) but Ladies...I am feeling alive tonight.

No llores

2010-06-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

Jt-Rex is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. There's been too much death around me lately. I lived 15 death free years and really even then I made it all the way into my 20's before I was able to really say I met death face to face. It's raining, it's cold, I'm fully unprepared for my finals next week, Cee-lo has a song on the fucking Twilight soundtrack, this job seems like zero fun, the Bodhisattva brought me to my emotional knees and now ...Smallz may be gone.

I'm glad you're pain is over, but tonight You're killing me Smvllz.

Sabes que te quiero pero te mataré si me dejas

2010-06-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

They don't call it a romance language for nothing. =) I was stuck in a room by myself all day today. Well not really by myself, "Maddie", the Anthropomorphic cartoon representation of the average shopper at your local Macy's location was there to guide me through my training. I spent 7 hours today trapped inside the mall and hated most every minute of it. The ladies who work in HR are actually extremely nice so shout out to them for helping me blindly fumble my way through a job I had to keep reminding myself high school kids can do. See this job would have been a lot more appealing if I wasn't moments from a Bachelors degree, but I just spent over $100,000 and 5 years working so I'd never have to do shit like this but here I am with a summer job all lined up. I was actually warned during the portion of our training that outlines the code of conduct that anything I do or say on my own time "may" be used as grounds for dismissal but to be honest 1) You'd almost be doing me a favor, 2) I dare you.

I'm kidding, I love Macy's and actually found their history to be quite intriguing. The average shopper there is a middle aged woman, in the work force, perhaps with a kid, perhaps not. So I imagine my time in the Men's Wear department will be mostly tranquil. The funniest part about today was that the computer system I was on crashed and I actually had fun setting it all back up so I could continue to drone on with my mock transactions. I'm just a teachers kid is all.

The bigger issue is so close I won't be able to write about it until after it's happened I fear. I may find a moment to really bust out this end of school post I've been equally dreading and loving but the P-units will be here in force by next Sunday so I may actually just commit suicide instead and save myself the pain and suffering that is sure to come. I haven't really even done a true recap of my trip home I don't think (there are LOTS of drafts sitting on my desktop right now) and that means no one, except those who were there, knows about the job offers I got. But what about Grad school? My ex dumped me because I selfishly wanted to chase my dreams to go to law school on the east coast and she was sick of waiting (can you blame her though?). It'd be a shame to lose both her and the dream but CA is just so damn sunny how can I resist? Until I can collect my thoughts I'm just going to say I have a choice much the same as the chick in the Notebook. My two great loves are pulling me in opposite directions and I cannot pick where I want to end up. I know I've got some good ideas started elsewhere so I'm going to stop babbling now and go work on them so I can get something done. Until then..the job I'm glad not to have.

Te Extrano

2010-06-02T23:20:00.000-07:00

Technically this doesn't count as a post because I didn't make this video but I miss this and I miss you so I'm just going to throw this up so I can get a small dose of whatever it is I get from running the WB&C. There's no subliminal tonight, just straight up good music. Enjoy.

Success for me...doesn't have a face yet.

2010-06-01T15:06:00.001-07:00

My 100^th post! I will commemorate this moment when I have more time, but for now I just want to leave a marker, a memento, an earmark. I’m just trying to bring some levity to the bullshit that comes with day-to-day life. I certainly don’t ever want to be trivial or petty and of course all things are portrayed as I see them so I’m sure you’ll read things that sound cray cray.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this as much as I have so far and I look forward to continuing to put you all up on game. The Wet Bean & Cheese, like me is not infinite, but also like me, for as long as it is here, the will stand for above all else, what is good, what is sexy, and what makes sense.

Come Be My Friend

2010-05-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

**Written on the plane 5/26**

Today I take my last trip home from school ever. It would be a bigger moment for me had things worked out differently but to be honest this trip has everything to do with life and nothing to do with school and for the first time since I was 5 years old those two aren’t the same thing. I’m a teachers kid, an honor roll student, a school boy. I’m also an Academic probate, a rebel, who for lack of a better term is basically stealing his degree this term. I really miss the days when all I had to worry about was my GPA but I look forward to the days when I don’t have to cram every ten weeks. It’s been fun. I have no regrets about going to school. I just did a Net Present Value assignment for my Econ class and I had to compare the value of a job I could have gotten out of highschool with the value of a job I could get with my degree. Assuming a certain interest rate, adding up my fixed and indirect costs and spanning a 20-year period, I am financially better off for having gone to school. In one of the analyses I did, the dollar figure was actually pretty close. Education isn’t cheap, but I was happy I chose school anyway. Maybe I won’t be any richer after I pay off all these loans but at least my Bodhisattva will get to tell people her Nino is an Astronaut and not a city construction worker. And to me that’s the point. I would be just as well off either way but to the people around me and those who need my support; I owe it to them not to take the easy way out because I see no shame in working for the city...matter of fact I’d get better holidays. If I had it to do over again I actually would have studied more. I spoke with a friend from high school and we just kind of talked about how the dudes in school who all the girls wanted to bone back then are now fat with three kids. Not that I couldn’t see this coming in some instances (I see you Tate’r Mac!) but for the most part this shocked me. I mean men get more distinguished with age right? Maybe so, maybe no, but I guess it feels good to have made it the other side of things with my hairline static and what little sex appeal I have still intact.

I'd like to give a shout out to all girls right now. When guys come home we ALWAYS smell like whatever they were wearing...for better or for worse. Tonight wasn't a bad one but you end up wishing they were still there or being glad they're not. Smell is after all, the strongest sense tied to memory so maybe they're onto something. I have another random story from the Hospital but it is so long that It will be it's own post. So instead I offer you this.

Things that happen when you start a blog

1. Random people from Europe will send you highly unacceptable pictures like this:

2. When you witness craziness you will react with joy not the usual remorse for the decay of our society:

3. Realize that if you replace "Andy" with "T-Rex", this is a reenactment of an actual conversation I've had:

Now you See me Now you don't

2010-05-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

I'm going home this weekend to see about a girl. It's her birthday coming up and I wouldn't miss it for the world. I expect great things this weekend. The Wet Bean & Cheese will be back with updates starting June 1st and then I will break again until after Graduation on the 14th.

-Be Easy

Working for the Weekend

2010-05-24T03:31:00.000-07:00

Okay so I don't know why I didn't post this when I wrote it and it is now like a month outdated so expect there to be missing links or unfinished thoughts. But no matter, now just for you here it is, digging in the crates....

[The Mgmt.]

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I hope everyone has been having a good 2010. I have been focusing a lot of energy looking for good stuff to write about and just like that these past 5 months have flown bye. For better or for worse I think I can say I’ve enjoyed these 4 months more than any other 4 in my entire life. There may have been a stretch back in 1998 but it’s hard to say. Part of the reason I’m having so much fun is that life is hard. Life fucking sucks and I have had just as much to laugh about as to cry about so instead of doing either I try to just enjoy each moment. When things start to get epically bad, I curl up in bed and don’t move just like anyone else might but when things are good you had better believe I soak up every stinkin’ moment of it. I don’t have any grandiose notions of life and what I can expect from it so the littlest things are starting to mean more to me.

Take this weekend for instance. It was filled with lazy days and sleepless nights. I honestly wish I knew how much fun college could be because right now this schedule is spoiling me rotten. I saw a world-class athlete run track at noon, a softball game with one of my best friends at 1, then watch a great film (Up in the Air) that night with some close friends.

I woke up around noon the next day and though I was woefully dehydrated from sleeping in front of a sun washed window, I still had a whole day to waste. I then played what would become my first games of Bocce ball ever. Awesome game that it was I then had to break to share a BBQ with a buddy who is going to ride his bike to Central America later this year. The night ended with a great playoff game between the Portland Trailblazers and the Phoenix Suns. This is the investment I made 5 years ago. The chance to have weekends like this, are why people go to college. Never again will I be able to invite a model and her friends to my place or any other for that matter just to chill. The good is always balanced by the bad but I have so much negativity reserved for other things that all I will say is this: sometimes you have good ideas, and sometimes you have horrible fucking ideas. Inviting Waffles to the Fucking BBQ was not one of my brighter ideas.

And now time for another random story from my time in the hospital.

I wasn’t always in just one hospital. I actually had 3 surgeries over a 5 month period so all in all, it came out to 4 hospitals in 2 states over 6 months. Not a bad total and for the low-low price of only about $1.5 Million you could take the same trip. I don’t think the miracle of my story has anything to do with my new heart at all. What is miraculous is that I made it that long in the first place. I came home in March to have an AICD implanted which basically gives you a jolt of electricity to try and get your heart back into rhythm. My heart would sometimes beat upwards of 160 times per minute so in order to get that back down to a normal resting rate sometimes shocks were needed. Without the device I was running the risk of my heart getting stuck at such a high rate, passing out, and eventually dying from VFib. So in March of 2009 I came home for spring break and had the surgery done. All went well and I had a pager sized bump in my left pec. I didn’t hurt and it really had no purpose except for in extreme cases. The morning of April 17, 2008 was one such case. That story culminates with me at Memorial hospital in Long Beach and a night in which I often woke up to a nurse standing over me in hysterics. See for me, the heart rhythm had nothing to do with my physical exertion so if I were to be asleep I could still experience these tachycardias. So apparently some nurse was given more than she could handle because apparently while I slept my heart raced wildly out of control. Now obviously this had been happening for quite some time before I’d had the surgery and I had no ill effects. Yet now I was hooked up to a monitor and someone was hearing a lot of alarms most likely because this nurse did what any rational person would do…She woke me up and told me to calm down.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Long Beach and will always consider it home. But in the end those nurses were about as far from competent as I think I’ve seen and TRUST ME, I’ve seen some incompetence in my day. I guess the on call doctor, who was not my doctor, did not want to be bothered. My real doctor was leaving for Europe that night and was unreachable. So these poor ladies were in over their head with a patient who seemed like he might just up and die right before their eyes and were too scared to call the doc. I have hazy memories at best of what happened that night and even then had far less understanding of what was happening than I do now so it’s unlikely I’d be able to make any conclusions of what was going on anyway. I made it through the night and no one had to be called in. I hopped in an “Ama’lance” the next day and made the most nerve-racking drive to Westwood I’ve ever made… yes more nerve-racking than even the one when I got the call.

Roofie-Yooo

2010-05-17T01:54:00.001-07:00

Life's an adventure. And If there were an opposite to the speed bump on the road of life it would feel like finding a twenty dollar bill in your jeans right before you wash them. Or finding out that you have proof you are happier now than you were a day ago. Both of which happened to me today. *smiley face goes here* I found the picture above while clearing out some stuff and realized I never posted that with a bunch of text explaining why It fits my current disposition. But seeing as I no longer feel that way I can go to bed smiling tonight because even though I feel just as crazy as I always do tonight I have HARD evidence that I'm not..at least for the moment. Sweet dreams Yall.

It Ain't easy bein' Green

2010-05-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

One of these days I am going to learn that I should not watch House anymore. I have some real deal PTSD stemming from my days in the joint and I really don't do well when I hear alarms going off frantically. On another note I realize that a main them of this blog is fidelity and the basic principle of staying faithful to someone or at the very least being honest about not being able to do so. But I'm working on something that goes in a bit of a different direction. It really revolves around the idea of the fallen hero. The character who we know has the noble and redeeming qualities so cherished and fabled about yet for some reason or another is unable to live up to their esteemed calling. Dr. Gregory House is a great example of one such character. This along with my own sudden desire to completely change my outward persona via this tattoo I'm coming up with are what spurned me onto this idea I think. Speaking of tattoos up above is my new #1 biggest influence on the matter...both for and against ironically. Skateboard-P got his ink removed even though there is little in this world he cannot have. So what was the catalyst for such a choice? It was a feeling inside himself, he said in the interview that "he's 30 years old with fire on his arms...".

If Alarms sounded more like this then I think I would be okay with them

As all guilty men do, You will rewrite your History

2010-05-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

I've got to assume that since literally 99% of you watch me work and never interact that you aren't looking to be heard, but are here to see what I have to offer. In that sense I feel better because I always felt bad for not including your vision here, but at the same time am sad because I have to admit I'm not entirely sure I can hold the audience. No matter I'm going to keep doing what I've always done. So here goes.

I went to lunch with a classmate of mine last week. Something I honestly wish I could have done more of in the past but that wasn't my journey so I don't stress it. The days post tense have left me thinking only one thing...I think I was a bit too comfortable in my own skin around her? I hear the way to handle these things is to just be yourself but when you're me that can be both a good and bad thing. It's a bit whimsical because there are obviously many interactions and so for me to assume that it was my openness that caused any glitch in the Matrix is a tad presumptuous but not completely unfounded. Lets hope this weekend brings improved results. I love my girl Ariana by the way, who once I informed her a cock block had appeared in our class out of nowhere, told me I was going to give up rather than increase my effort. From her, and only from her is that more a statement of fact than a putdown. I don't know how she got to know me so well but no of course I have to prove her wrong because as right as she may be I'm still competitive.

My idea for the sleeve tat' is basically at a standstill. I know I want it and I know where I want it. But the final two choices are much harder. Where to get them and whether to get them are pretty much road blocking the process. I have plans to meet up with a friend back in Long Beach in a few weeks and hopefully she can help shed light on all this and Melissa should be back from her honeymoon by then so I'm sure I can get an earful of sense from her too. Though...now that I think of it, she's had some "work done" so maybe she won't be as down on this idea as I expect. I have this weird urge to implode sometimes and I think it might manifest itself in a post soon. I mean True Hollywood Story type, tell all post about myself that may needlessly put things into the public forum that don't need to be there. I dunno why it is those things intrigue me in the least but..if I were like everyone else then I suppose I wouldn't be writing this would I?

P.S. - SEE YOU THERE!!!!!!

I only Lie if I'm paid

2010-05-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

I just finished the worst workout of this year I'm sad to say. It should be no surprise though as these things come in threes. I had the worst BBM conversation of the year earlier in the day, followed by the worst post EVER (Blogger #fail) so when the workout I'd been looking forward to crashed and burned it shouldn't have really shocked me. These things come in threes. When I look back on the lessons learned today I want to always remember that no matter how hard I try the world will always see me as what I am, not that I wish to be, writing is an organic process but that doesn't mean it has to be disorganized and most importantly as much as I enjoy it, my time would be best used in a gym that didn't allow scantily clad women in.

I'll make it easy on you, what a disaster

2010-05-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

No school for me today. Just wasn't up to it. I thought a lot about Michaela last night and her mom. It sucks to say and I feel wrong for saying it but I really do miss the hospital sometimes. There are plenty of people who would obviously love to trade with me so I don't for a second forget how lucky we all are to be on this side of the hospital doors. All this has also made me soften my stance. I don't think it ever got written here, maybe it did? But when I'm in the position to go back I really do want to go and see patients in the hospital. It is a shitty circumstance and if seeing me is any sort of consolation then I'm all for it. I don't know what Bill Sears is up to but I will be at UCLA to see Chris and everyone first thing saturday morning. I don't think I ever shouted out Rhodora which is a shame because she is one of my most favorite earthlings ever. You would be hard pressed to find a better person than her. Shouts to my man Newman while I'm at it.

I've seen this pose before, seems to be a female favorite?

Like I said graduation is right around the corner so the flights and hotel room are booked and P-Unit infiltration to my land of solace is exactly 30 days away.

There usually isn't any thing political going on here and for good reason. I don't like to run my yap on things that a) I don't know anything about b) seem mostly unimportant or c) aren't that exciting. But this is an instance where even in violation of rules B and C I have to speak on the matter. I was going to post a video from CNN featuring the dynamic AC360 but it's a big file that I didn't wanna sit around waiting to upload. Point is this. Some idiot whose name I will not even bother to go lookup is both a Doctor and an officer in the military. In what must have been his attempt to further prove to me, no matter what educational accolades you receive, you can still be a Dumbass, he decided to ignore his orders to return to war because he thinks President Obama is not actually an American.

What the Fuck is wrong with people. There's a rant inside me that I won't type out but just imagine the expletives landing like rain on a windshield and you'll get the picture. Part of me is upset that he is not deploying to Afghanistan. This feels like an overwrought plot to skip out on a trip back to the middle east and that along with this obviously blatant attack on the president for no reason really anger me. This punk ass looks the part too. He sat up on AC360 looking like the type of guy who would snitch you out in two seconds flat. Take it from me, I was raised a skittish, unassuming, weakling and only through experience did I learn to stand up and be a better person, so I can still spot someone with no heart from a mile away. The look in someone's eyes when they will sell you out for no reason at all is pretty apparent and this dude has it. I was livid to hear his argument but then when he popped up on CNN with a lawyer in tow who ended up doing all the talking for him I knew this was a gutless bastard the likes of which we've never seen before. If you truly were trying to take a stand for yourself and what you believed in, risking jail, professional ruin, and shame, you wouldn't let that ride on a lawyers lips. You would be marching hard trying to get the word out. This fool sat there and didn't say shit. He didn't even look like he wanted to...I'm just gonna take 5 seconds and *woosah*

Okay, I'm back. And the only thing that seems to make sense anymore is astrology. I love to make real life choices based on the power of the Zodiac because unlike actual religion there are no rules and as an added bonus it actually has some real life applications. Take 'Alex' for example. She was born on the last day of her sign just like i was so I know that though I could use the one set of dates most people would to figure things out, this one will be more useful.

That being said I don't feel beholden to this particularly dreary prediciton. Perhaps I am just still caught up in, "the powerful initial attraction" phase of things, but even still I get to laugh at ridiculous phrases like that. I've got enough self imposed rules of my own so getting to bend and break these really make things a lot easier for me to get behind. Besides if there is a single lesson I've learned it's that...

The Black Keys

I don't Smoke that stress

2010-05-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

The Girls Marina,

and Melissa and Jenn too

Nanoor you the most

Also the smell of

hospital soap, every day

bosom soft indeed

I want what Samantha Ronson has. She has this perfect mix of, "I could give a fuck less" and, "I secretly do care, but I'm so cool you could NEVER call me out on it". Plus she's foreign but her accent isn't from anywhere. It's pure unadulterated cool juice coming across those thin lips of hers. She, I am positive could pull far more women accidentally than I ever could on my best day. The funny thing about this is that random people love talking to me. All my close friends have an, "I was with JT, and such n' such happened" story. Everyone knows someone who looks just like me, or saw me at a party last week, or whatever. Samantha Ronson however has a mystique I am sure prevents any such thing. She is like a black hole almost, in that she belongs to an elite class of humans, who have an aura about them so disinterested in what we mere mortals are doing, that we feel the need to overcompensate by really caring about what they have going on. The other problem here is that I am fairly stable and fairly predictable. I think a big part of that aura is that no one ever really knows what she is going to do and that's what keeps things intriguing. I spend my whole day trying to enlighten you as to my thoughts and so right away there is a difference between her and I..among ALL the others.

Graduation is right around the corner as is post #100 so with all these momentous occasions on the way soon I'm feeling the heat like a glacier would. (I may sweat but it never changes my composure) Anyway the haiku written above in honor of Haikuesday are devoted to some things I truly miss.

Took my whole flavor, I call her Coke Zero

2010-05-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

Another post that rips off a Jay-Z lyric for a title is well underway and I'm happy to be back at the keys. The blatant product placement in his lyrics though disturbing is still effective. The man is a wordsmith, thats for certain, and it is my hope that I amount to be the same at some point. As of yet I don't feel quite that way but I found a story on the net that I think accurately shows some pretty great story telling. There is a big problem in this story and I want you to see if you can spot it. It goes as follows:

"My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.” And then the fight started…"

I'm not an expert or anything, but what I do know is that this is one of those moments when the perfect joke will get you in trouble. You had better have been extra good THAT DAY, if you think you're gonna pull this off. I don't mean you let her pick what you watched earlier that night, or you told her she looked skinnier than usual last week. You had damn well better have saved her from a burning building that afternoon then not gotten mad while she flirted with the fireman who showed up. I know this because this is EXACTLY the type of thing I would say. I absolutely would. I have no filter and it's been proven time and time again that I value laughs over consistent sex. Though in hindsight I do value loyalty and devotion. Those two however are finite resources.

Orbit

Now about this problem...can anyone spot what it is? Any guesses? Here's a clue, it has nothing to do with what he said...Give up? It's simple. What in the world is he doing with a girl who would say no to that question?!? Genophobic as I may be EVEN I know that there is no way that a relationship can work if she is saying no to that question. For disclosures sake I will admit that I usually date women whose libido exceeds my own and it's spoiled me but really..? W..T..F..? I am not sure I've ever even heard no so trust me this conversation would never happen for me anyway, because the day I do hear no I'm going to burst into laughter then say, "That's cute, I'm going to write that in my diary...You ARE joking aren't you?"

This is one of many things I've come to appreciate in my single days. I think being single has made me a better boyfriend. I finally learned to pick battles and I definitely learned to appreciate the good FAR more than I worry about the bad. I feel bad that there are some guys who will settle for this kind of behavior. It's like telling me there are 2 feet wide spiders or something, I believe they exist somewhere but I NEVER wanna meet one...NEVER.

I don't really have any advice on the subject of this argument because it is as I would call it, "A hypothetical Impossibility". But what I do know is that what I've had has been good when I had it. And I've certainly never been told no. I do know someone however who does have some good advice and I've posted her before so I'll do it again because Resha "gets it". She in my mind has the perfect sensibilities a GF should have. She says lots of outlandish things all the time yet often she speaks like she knows what it is like to be a man. For instance...

Guys who don't fully appreciate stuff like this are just as bad as girls who say no.

She is freaky but she also understands simple sanitation. I'm not against anything (anymore) but it is simple math if you ask me. *kanyeshrug goes here*

We agree on the important issues...like Kimberly K.

And of course she is no fool. Nothing is getting past this one.

All that said, the following is the only truth that anyone need be concerned with. It is a lesson I had to learn the hardest way and have been working hard to spread to the masses.

Damn I just want some Sushi

2010-05-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have been having cravings for sublime foods lately. I think the first thing I'm going to do when I'm home next is hit up the Lazy Dog, Roscoes, and Benihana in some order or another. the food here just doesn't stack up. Part of what makes being in Oregonia all worth while is stuff like this though:

My boy Neil has been singing with OTR for a few years now, so don't think this is some spin off of Glee. They've been good as long as I can recall and it seems like the attention the group is getting may be long overdue. I couldn't decide which version I liked better so I think I will just put them both up.

It's been fun here in school and I'm sad this is the last time I will be an official "College Kid" It has been the greatest experience of my life and I wouldn't have done it anywhere else. I think the friends I've made kept me alive and without them I'd be no where. I can just imagine the post I'm going to do regarding the end of days here. It's gonna be intense, tears will be shed, I'm dreading writing it already. I'll miss these guys the most.

This is actually starting to make me like her music I think? It's definitely an upgrade, I can say that much. Hope you enjoyed this all video edition of the WB&C. More good things soon to come I am sure.

These are the kinds of things that happen

2010-05-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

It's Cinco De Drinko so a good portion of my readers won't be reading this until the weekend most likely but I just got back from a workout and I'm tearing myself up at the seams over another eventful trip. I skipped the Rec yesterday SPECIFICALLY to avoid the Jersey Chasers who had shown up to "Git seen" by the football team. We just finished Spring Ball last weekend so that means all the guys are free to hang out after school now but still have instructions to lift from coaches. Year in and year out it is like the Salmon spawning, these dudes show up and the girls do too. Im old enough to remember when this was actually exciting..you know back when I was younger than everyone. But now these hooers are my little brothers age and not nearly as appealing. The signs are just a bit too obvious for me. A girl with a regular bra on and not a sports bra..tryin' to git seen. A girl whose shorts look like what the Showtime Lakers wore...tryin' to git seen. And of course, a full face of makeup to workout is someone deperately, tryin' to get seen.

He had a "Magic" "Johnson" Double entendres abound!

Now anyone who knows me knows I am not a fan of the hooers. I just don't do skeezer. I made this choice unfortunately at an age when I didn't even know what sex was and so didn't quite understand the implications this would have on me. Needless to say I am now mortally bound to stick with the decision because I have some romantic attachment to the image I saw for myself then and I do my best to live up to this antiquated idea no matter what. So today I went at a time before any ballers may be in attendance and got down to business. I saw the She-Aries and we chit chatted about the Lupe Fiasco show this weekend and then I was on my way. It feels so good to be tired from exertion again. Sitting in a hospital bed for so long robbed me of that joy and it's taken quite a while to come back to form. I went to get some water and someone walked up next to me. As I stood, I looked, and facing me is this brunette. I'm indifferent to what I see and so I turn to go about my business and what do I notice..? A red bra strap that matches her red gym top.

Now I am an admitted self saboteur when it comes to women so this shouldn't surprise any of you but my first thought was actually, "Fuck, I wonder how long I have before these dudes show up." The Jersey Chasers have some sort of intelligence network and often show up BEFORE the guys do which is scary in itself but I was enjoying my lift and didn't need to see 50 extra people start milling around breathing up all my air. It was just funny to me that she coordinated the bra and top. Had the two been mismatched I would just have assumed she'd forgotten her job bra or perhaps not cared, but this shit was premeditated and thusly an annoyance. So as I get back into my lift I realize she is an aberration, perhaps she thought the meet was yesterday or perhaps she was hoping to see a particularly committed fellow who came two days in a row. Either way, my fears were for naught because the swell never came.

He is a complete dork and even he gets girls.

I went back to see the She-Aries at her desk to sign up for a bike in between sets. Lo and behold look who is behind me? Yea red straps. Now I've noticed she of course wearing my personal favorite, yoga pants, and doing well in them; but I already find her presence annoying so it's really not as persuasive as it might have been. On a scale of Gwyneth Paltrow to Kim Kardashian she was probably Jessica Alba. (nice but only from certain angles) Nice as that thing was, I was happy to finish the rest of my work out without incident. That is until I went upstairs to stretch out.

Stretching and ab's always come last for me because I like to take my time. The mats were mostly taken up so I just found an empty part of the carpet, threw down my towel and went in on some medicine ball pikes. That was not very much fun. I usually try to just lift weights and not fuck around to much when I'm at the gym. It's a habit that made working in a gym bearable when I had a long distance relationship. So even now I just find it rude when people are on cell phones or playing around or best of all, trynna git seen. Go to the bars for all that! Anyways I'm done with the pikes laying on the ground feeling the pain while waiting for the gain and I see this chick on the mat across from me who must be a D-cup, but what caught my eye was the fact she was looking at me too. I was embarrassed because if you are like me, then picturing all of my 6'4" doing that pike then crumpling to the floor in an exhausted huff doesn't seem to graceful. I finish my ab's then get to stretching and now find myself looking over at the Busty Blonde. If it's not clear by now I want to make it so now, I am mistakenly living my life by trying to hold on to childish naiveté. I understand that every girl that smiles isn't a hooer and I could in theory just take it as a compliment. Buuut I don't.

This girl had some sort of creepy perma-smile which was nice but still...scary. I was done so I walked down stairs to get changed and walk home. This story ends as such. Somehow she made it to the locker room before I did, and so when I rounded the corner there staring me in the face was this perma-smile. Look am I a fan of above average sized breasts? Yes of course. Do I love a watermelon shaped ass just as much as the next guy? Well what was your first clue? My point is there is some physical reflex I have, that instead of allowing me to go up to these women obviously looking to be talked to, I make sure to walk as far and as fast away from them as I can. This chick with the tit's was especially troublesome to explain to myself when I asked "Why didn't you talk to her" mainly because there was no real reason. I'm just not into that sort of thing. And what thing is that you ask? Being happy. That's what. Some people meet me and have a hard time believing I don't drink or smoke, others have an even harder time finding out I can count the number of people I've slept with on one hand. And I'm talking honest disbelief, people think I'm lying to them. I imagine if they saw the neurotic physco-babble I just spewed they might find it easier to believe.

So yes, tonight, instead of motor boating the night away, I will instead hang out with my friends like always, maybe even catch up on some Hulu. I remember joking with my ex all the time in a self deprecating way and just saying, "Who is gonna bone me?" In some ways it's quite true that no one is, but it's really only true because even the ones who are trying, aren't going to be successful with the way I look at things. I think the next time I see either of these two girls I will approach them and see how it goes, not so much because I want to, but because I've no reason not to.... This sounds like no fun at all.

We love these hoe's.

What The fuck is wrong with me

2010-05-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

I truly suck at life. I definitely proclaimed this week to be the week of hate. And not only do I have my Hate posts ready to go but they are filed and ready...for the wrong week. I often write things and then schedule them to post at a later date but since I apparently cannot read a calendar they've been set for the wrong week. I will again have to make those of you who are waiting continue to do just that. This by the way is the problem the POTUS is having at the moment. When you give people specific deadlines for your tasks they expect you to be done by then even if you can't deliver and never would have expected you to in the first place. I'm less than pleased but again I apologize. Tomorrow is hump day as the giggly girl at the rec center informed me. Do you think she was hinting at something?

Today is Haikuesday

2010-05-04T03:01:00.000-07:00

The boss speaks to him

the gauntlet thrown we rejoice

a sight to be seen

Don't start none won't be

start none, then none there will be

I excited now

You cannot assault

The one who signs your checks now

Unless he cusses

Walking on A dream

2010-05-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

I just saw 21 grams and it made me miss my nurses. I didn't have it nearly as good as this guy but I suppose at least I didn't come out with a chemical dependency either so fair is fair. The movie is scarily reminiscent of my experience in that Sean Penn's character is in a weird position with his lady friend. The circumstances bring them together and the director did a great job of portraying an accurate depiction of what things are like for such a couple. The movie overall disturbed me largely because the characters take a mental and emotional spiral that is merely there to facilitate the rest of the movie. I don't know what I would do if I met the widow of my donor and she was smokin' hot but the wall of emotion would be substantial to say the least.

But whatever, Benicio Del Toro did his thing, the sex scene actually was pretty good, and the movie was super interesting and well done. Kudo's. I wish I was as good at ANYTHING as those people are at acting. Each of the 3 main characters each had a scene where they blew me away with their skill. I can't say enough good things so I will just move on.

The nurses are what is important. I have so much love for the women (and men) that helped keep me up and running that I ache not having seen them. I need them and they need me. It is outrageous that we've been apart so long. Jennifer and her new baby, My "personal PICC nurse" and the two son's she will never let out of her sight, and of course my BFF Forever, Nanoor with baby Henry, are all back home loving life I am sure just as I am, but what we had was special and I miss it. I guess I can tell you now since I already told my dad, but it should come as no surprise that I am considering doing something dumb. I want to switch my care back to UCLA medical. The nurses, the techs, and most importantly my surgeon are all still there and of course the people whose job it is to keep me from needing to see them are somewhere else. So I am very seriously thinking of FIRING my current staff. I find it hilarious I have doctors that work for me and that I could fire someone so much smarter and more qualified than I. BUT I'M GONNA! Especially if shit ain't on Point when I come home in a few weeks.

How about this for news while I'm at it. I want to do a full sleeve on my right arm now. As in Tinta para el brazo! I'm trying to gather ideas for a tatoo that will go from shoulder to wrist so if you have any good ones please find a way to get them to me. It's not a for sure thing and would wait until I could get to a good artist anyway so no rush. And if you're anti this idea then don't worry there is still plenty of time for me to lose my arm in a bear trap so you're covered too.

This summer is going to be very important for me because as I see it, this could be the last time I go to any shows for a long time. MIA, NERD, and Empire of the Sun will all be in L.A. and I just don't know what I can see that will top those guys in the near future so I might as well retire right? Empire of the Sun for the uninitiated, are a band from Australia and they sound a lot like MGMT. I'm most excited about MIA, but Empire of the Sun is special because I've not shared them with anyone yet. I saw NERD with Ex#3 so the memory of them is kinda tainted until I can see them again and the same goes for Gnarls Barkley, Chester French, and anything involving Josh Homme strangely. So I need to see Empire because it will be a pure experience. The Black Keys, Gorillaz, basically the core of who I am musically was all shown and now I don't have a single headliner band I really love that isn't tainted with her stink. Dramatic I know but it's really simple. Imagine the most perfect meal possible and now imagine a fly just to the side of that plate. Not touching your food, and quite dead. That meal is hot and ready (or cold if it's sushi) but you are going to eat it with less zeal now for just that one small reason. So as you can see, I am very weird about music and when I start to talk about a band with you, It's like sharing a part of me. Nevertheless it just makes me all the more excited to see a big time act like them live. The sound is unique, but the look even more so. Lots of intricate costumes and makeup go into everything they do and it makes me wonder what life would be like if I ever experimented with psychedelics. Speaking of which...

It is time now for yet another unsolicited story about my time in the hospital:

So the movie 21 grams reminded me of another movie, Across the Universe. And one funny thing about this movie is that there is a dance scene revolving around the use of morphine and the dreams it gives you. Let me go ahead and tell you that me and my good friend Fentanyl went through some hellacious dreams together but I am not sure I'd change things if I could. And my dreams definitely didn't involve half a dozen Salma Hayeks in my room so this guy was getting a great deal on his physcadelics I would say. One such dream is really beyond description it was a horror themed dream but only in the sense that it was dark and there was fear in the air. But so was I.

I was in some sort of M.C. Escher type room where the stairs ran up the walls and I just kind of floated to the top of each flight instead of walking. I felt like I was underwater but everything was lit with torches. I had the same dream each time I went to bed while on this drug which is what made things so weird. Instead of a random part of my subconscious leaking out, instead I was seeing something almost scripted? The details are kind of irrelevant only because there are so many. Not only did I see everthing clear as day while asleep, I retained the images when I woke up and can even now pretty much tell you what was happening and what things looked like. This never happens with natural dreams and I think that's a good thing. Point is..lets all say a prayer of thanks that I am not addicted to this wonder drug, because I will be honest. Fentanyl is a helluva drug.

-----------------------------------------------

Now for some women whom I do NOT love.

Killing Ants with a Sledgehammer

2010-04-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

You have probably heard me say it before, and you'll definitely hear me say it again, but as the saying goes, "If all you have is a Hammer, then the whole world appears to be a nail." I had the discussion with my good friend the other day and came to the conclusion that I'm only happy when I'm not. It's not that I like to rain of parades or invoke my inner Debbie Downer. What I enjoy is knowing that no one can ruin my mood, and so long as I'm comfortably upset it's pretty hard to shift my pleasure curve in a negative direction. (EDIT: "He who sleeps on the ground, cannot fall out of bed." Just saw this on twitter and found it pertinent. Carry on. 5/2/10)

Now that being said I think it is fair to say that there is also some measure of self indulgence going on because we are all good at different things and because humans tend to enjoy doing things they are good at it can be hard to get us to stop doing said, things. For me this is a problem because best I can tell I am really good at one thing but in 2 specific ways. But just because I'm naturally inclined to do them, doesn't mean I have to, mostly I just enjoy it more. I'm a master aggravator of people and I'm sure of this because I only actively try to piss off a small percentage, say 12%, of those I actually anger. And the one person I want to stop pissing off the most (myself) is constantly displeased. Imagine if Kobe were only trying to score 12% of the points he scores? Imagine if Paula Dean were only trying to clog our arteries with 12% of her recipes? That's how I feel about upsetting people, but as I mentioned it's only in two real instances.

1) Any woman who is a non-mother, under 40, whom I meet, has a 60% chance of completely hating me, this is most of what leads me to hate myself.

2) Anyone I disagree with is like a string to a kitten for me. I don't have to toy with them, but it's more fun if I do. The inability to pick my battles is the other part of what I do that irks myself.

So as you can imagine the group of people who should first be questioned upon my untimely demise would have to be any women in the Pacific time zone who like Sean Hannity. One of those Cunts is probably to blame.

Speaking of Killing people sometimes my blood just sets to boiling and I can't really do much about it. I met a girl at the gym just last week and we got to talking about astrology. Thing is we are both Aries and as such we fit out astrological make up more closely than any other sign. A lot of my real world friends may be confused but just like some women can be born in a mans body I feel like an Aries born in a Pisces body. (The conflict therein makes up nearly all the rest of my self hatred.) So as I mentioned when all you've got is one tool, you tend to try and use that tool for every job. If you're ex #3 of mine, then that tool is quite literally your vagina and you will use it to try and solve as many of life's problems as possible. (I think she came up with that slogan for USPS: If it FITS, it SHIPS!) If you are Barack Hussein Obama, you're weapon of choice seems to be the oratorical skills that you use nearly every chance you get. I don't know what my tool is personally, but as the She-Aries and I decided fixation is a HUGE part of who we are. Imagine the way your dog gets when he hears you open up the treat jar, or the way you stare down other peoples food at Claim Jumper when you thought that was YOUR chicken fried steak coming out of the kitchen. Yea...it's like that. So basically when I set to doing things the greater task for me is often the choice between doing it sufficiently and doing it as i'd have it done. Here is an example of my mind at work.

About a year ago there was a rash of Piracy stories on the news. West African Pirates had become increasingly aggressive and the western world was concerned. A ship was eventually captured that was worth enough (American) money that its occupation became front page news. Now right here is where I set to work because I actually don't like the feeling of people lasered in on something. It can be nice to have such focus but it's tiring and I like to be done with things quickly and decidedly. In my mind the solution was simple. The pirates wanted a sum of money in exchange for the crew, now at a separate location. In my mind the exact sum they wanted would be floated alongside the vessel atop a barge. I understand this probably isn't how ransoms are usually paid but I don't imagine they'd have a Paypal account so I'm floating the cash on a barge over to them. Besides it is now in plain sight which is what I want because next I am going to light that money on fire.

Yes that's right. Flame will meet bill and a bonfire of great economic proportion will ensue. Why you ask? Because I don't have time for this is why. I am not here to play games or hear out your political statement, but since the pirates felt it prudent to grab my attention in this instance then they will suffer my hypothetical wrath. I'd also probably blow up the ship they were holding captive simply to say money can be reprinted, and goods can be remade, but time is precious, and I'm not about to waste it dealing with you all. If that's how things had happened, I'm 100% certain no one would ever steal my boats ever again.

So yea...I guess I can be heavy handed at times, but trust me I'd enjoy a quick painless mistake far more, than a long protracted success. It's why I love Youtube and hate "Lost".

I've got nothing to say

2010-04-29T00:45:00.001-07:00

God Bless the Lakers.

I can't believe someone would ever lay a hand on this Angel and it is now my life's goal to find this man, then strike down upon thee with great VENGEANCE and FURIOUS anger so that he shall know his sins are not forgotten.

lol jk =)

Kid Sis' Yall. HousTalantaVegas in the house!

I'd move to cougar town if she were the Mayor.

It's funny, get it?

i have a surplus of this stuff

2010-04-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

Tell your friends, Hate week will be back soon. Next week, May 3rd. All new, right here @ the WB&C.

James Blake - CMYK by Funkism Soundcloud

And my first Begotten son shall be called...Bovice

2010-04-27T05:17:00.000-07:00

I wrote earlier this year about forgiveness. I found myself in a position where forgiveness became some sort of situational currency. To be able to forgive someone, they have to first infringe upon your rights somehow and to a lesser extent also recognize that they’ve wronged you. I could kill your dog because it won’t stop barking late at night, but if I don’t find that to be an incredibly horrible thing, then your forgiveness not only isn’t likely to be forthcoming, but I’ll have no use for it because I don’t see anything wrong with what I’ve done. That realization right there spells out the point, that forgiveness is an especially human thing. Prayer in some religions is said to be the means of asking Holy absolution for ill deeds but that clemency is more highly regarded because it is believed the dispenser is…well…God. If the big guy lets you off the hook then not only do you avoid eternal damnation but you take it seriously because you trust his judgment. Humans however…we’re a far less reasonable bunch. I feel like on balance there are more people forgiven that shouldn’t be than people not forgiven who should be so that’s good. But the reasons for people’s decision making is often far less principled than perhaps the creator or your run of the mill, average Lord and Savior.

So we have to recognize, and I say we meaning me but if you’re smart then you too; that forgiveness might be the least important thing ever created. Can you imagine if you did work but sometimes less than you expected came or none at all? Conversely sometimes you did nothing and a check came in the mail anyway just because you said you worked? This is basically the way forgiveness is dispensed on the individual level and so I put little value into it and I think we all should. In the end when you do something wrong and you truly feel remorse then you should know you’re probably forgiven by those that matter, and when you are wronged yet you can’t find it in yourself to let go, then you need to know you’re holding no power over anyone but yourself. I think as far as I’m concerned I learned that I’m incapable of real forgiveness at least in any sort of timely manner and that it is largely dependant on me feeling okay with a situation. Some things are just unforgivable and in the words of Michael Corleone; “Mistakes can be forgiven, but I’d kill my own brother for betraying the family.”

Shut up Cat

2010-04-26T00:25:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up roughly around 3 or 4 in the morning. In the predawn glow, from a short distance away I could hear the feline voice of someone speaking to me. It appears to have been my lucky day because Drama, our household 'fiend chose to serenade me with his song. Apparently he was hungry and wanted me to feed him. The sun wasn't yet up and in the dark his black fur made him out to be a Cheshire like character, just a voice, eyes glowing, and an outline. It amazes me that animals with such human characteristics can lead such inhuman lives. Just yesterday the neighbors dog jumped it's fence and chased him right in front of the kitchen window. I shooed the dog back home and let Drama come in only to find he was kind of a wreck. I didn't know animals could get scared like that. I mean do Zebras spend 15 minutes shaking and shivering every time they escape from a Lion? I have no clue but the point is Drama was having a serious emotional breakdown and I was having none of it. Perhaps this visit to my window was his way of retribution or perhaps he is just some sort of food crazed maniac. (It's definitely the latter)

I've said it once, I'll say it again. I hate cats.

Good Things on the way

2010-04-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

All this week there will be new stuff to check out here at the Wet Bean & Cheese. Lets hope senioritis doesn't kill off this blog in the coming weeks.

Hot N' Fun by Jt-Rex

I need a partner...any takers?

2010-04-25T00:06:00.000-07:00

Shall we

It's time

2010-04-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

Tell your friends, Hate week is back. First week of May. All right here @ the WB&C.

That is what she said

2010-04-20T22:51:00.001-07:00

So this is a hypothetical I want you all to play along with. It was posed to me as part of a homework assignment and I find it kind of an interesting take on a tricky situation. You might have heard it before and I’m adjusting it slightly to make it fit the WB&C just a bit better, but the story is still the same.

So in this scenario you are a person living on earth and things there are just as they are now here. You are just like everyone else, no better no worse. You happen to be single and your job allows you to support yourself, so for all intents and purposes you are part of the nameless faceless crowd that make up our metropolitan areas. In this world however there is an international star of some sort. Lets say this person is regarded like a Perez Hilton mixed with Michael Jordan. Everyone loves them, everyone wants to be their best friend. Basically in my mind (because I am a geek) this person figures out how to solve our solid fuel propellant problem and allows NASA to get to Mars with only 2,000 lbs of fuel. (usually it’s 500,000+ lbs)

They are of course rich, as their idea turns them instantly into a one person OPEC, they are charismatic, so they are like Tony Stark in that you see them as the face of their company and they must of course be good looking. It all boils down to Conan O’Brien’s personality and fame mixed with Richard Branson’s money and daredevil lifestyle with the looks of the sexually appropriate person of your choice. In my mind and for the rest of the story this person will look exactly like 1998 Salma Hayek.

Now here is the story. You are walking around one day and you happen to hear that Salma, this wonderful person whom everyone knows and loves is sick with some incurable disease. A group of especially crazed fans begin to scour the country looking for a cure stopping at nothing to find out what it is. As it happens you are the only person on earth whose blood has the antibodies to combat the illness though you don’t know it. And how anyone else knows it is unimportant but what is important is that on your walk home from work as the manager at the local Popeye’s chicken you are taken and knocked unconscious. Somehow this deranged group of super fans, intent on keeping their beloved alive, have taken you and when you wake up you realize you’ve been hooked up to Salma via some system of tubes and wires. The doctors apologize profusely and assure you that the people who did this to you have been arrested and are facing life in prison because their attempt to kill you was stopped short but not before they could connect you to Salma.

After you gather your senses and calm down from obvious anger you are posed with two options by the doctor. Unplug yourself immediately and walk away. Allowing Salma to die or maintain attached to her until such time they can produce a treatment, which could take months. They reiterate that it is completely up to you and there is nothing keeping you from pulling the plug on her but they also stress that without you she will die assuredly. What makes this scenario interesting is that you yourself agree that she is a much more important person than you. Her work has brought new discoveries to mankind. Men love her, women want to be her, she is a truly great individual and you are just a fast food joint manager. Salma is asleep and you haven't been able to speak with her since you woke up but you are told she is doing better already.

So…what do you do?

Prince-I would Die 4 U

Would it make a difference if you knew exactly how long it would take to find a treatment?

I don't know anyone personally who I think would disagree that getting up and unplugging yourself is an a good option but what if it was a trade though, your life for theirs? Maybe you get hooked up with a slice of the good life from this, maybe you get stiffed on the tip? I also made the story a little different in that this is a person who you may look up to and or be attracted to. The original author is named Judith Jarvis Thomson. What she was attempting to do was make an argument for the defense of Abortion. When I first read the Plugged in Violinist my instinct was to say screw it, I'm not chaining myself to someone against my will even if it is only for 9 months. This was mainly because I don't care about Violinists. But by making it someone I'd look up to like Leland Melvin, Kanye, etc there is an added layer of conflict. Also respecting the contribution this person has to society is something that cannot be discounted. I would love to actually see what people think about this. Comments ARE enabled so feel free to tell me how you would handle such a situation. As far as I'm concerned this is a flawed allegory for pregnancy because pregnant women don't have their uteri kidnapped and impregnated. Usually it is the result of some sort of bedroom, bathroom or backseat type activities that involve both her and at least one other male of her own species. It is no miracle how babies happen, so the whole kidnapped and woke up with some unwanted visitor line just isn't cutting it for me. I still don't know exactly what would happen to Salma if it were me she was hooked up to and the picture at the top of this post has only a tangential relation to my actual feelings so make of it what you will.