"Gag" order Pt.1

Jay-z said, "Triple entendre don't even ask me how" but I think I just figured it out with that, there title. Smiley Face, Wink, haha I'm kidding. I'll be happy to tell any of you who care to ask. And here's a hint: Yes, one meaning is definitely NOT a request for Sonic Burger though their food is quite gag worthy. In other news I've been getting feedback from friends and family who all say my writing is good but I know you're all lying. People who are good at things get hated on, asked to stop, told they're no good. I haven't a one hater...that I know of. So anyway through the various channels I've been asked to not discuss who or what I want so much so I'm here to verify that since I last washed my sheets on Monday the best thing that's been in my bed besides me are these tickets. Aug 13 @ the Roseland Theatre...it should be a blast. See Part.2 to find out more. (The hair tie is unrelated. They just keep popping up when I clean?)

I don't believe in sampling yourself, so instead of including some reheated stuff I wrote a while back I'm giving you a whole new update. And speaking of which as I write I noticed Big Boi has a sample of his own voice in a song from Sir Lucious Leftfoot: The Son of Chico Dusty. And while I can appreciate the prolix nature of his album title, it gave me pause to see such an amateurish maneuver on his first solo album. It was then that I realized Kanye's newest song gives us the explanation when he says, "I don't need your pussy I'm on my own dick." The initial song is a banger and this new track is one as well so in Mr. Patton's eye's it was simply a matter of himself being the best one for the job. Repurposing material has a decidedly second hand feeling to it because said material will never stand truly apart from it's initial use but the song sounds great and the album as a whole sounds amazing so if one song sounds like it came from a mixtape then I can forgive.

A request was recently made for me to censor myself and I had been meaning to expand my subject material anyway so I'd like to share for a moment the fact that I've just seen Hot Tub time machine. Normally an occurrence as run of the mill as this wouldn't merit a mention but the message I took from it was shockingly narrow and offensive. I know...shocking I took issue with something, what a surprise. This like a lot of other movies was made simply to get people to see it regardless of whether or not they would leave pleased with the experience. Some gratuitous nakedness and profane jokes were thrown in to make the majority of people happy they saw it but little else is even in this flic. It seems like artistic vision was not a word thrown around much on set. I enjoyed the comedy of a flashback to the 80's. It's amazing how much of a decade I only lived through 4 years of is so ingrained in my life. I was also pleased by the original takes on time travel theory and comedic elements found within the film. Wondering when and how the bellhop would lose his arm brought my great joy as did the scene where Craig Robinson's character is "forced" to have sex with a groupie in his jacuzzi. (a different one) This was also a rare instance in which I liked all the actors involved. And most of all I loved the way past and present were contrasted. Over and Over and OVER the point is made that communication in the past ten years has changed so much that we couldn't even talk to people in the late 80's about HOW we even communicate. It's awesome and funny and sad to think about all at once. The point is made when Rob Cordry's character mockingly laments, "Oh, what? You worried you'll have to actually talk to girls with your actual mouth?" It was like the director was screaming "Look! See! It's right here in front of you! Now internalize this and do something about it!! I know this feeling well. Smiley Face. What disappointed me was that each character was portrayed as a modern day version of a common story of failure. In this land where we are promised freedom the only thing we truly have the freedom to do is fail.

Success is a possibility but failure is a guarantee for us humans. Anyway all these guys were pissed and sad with life. They go back in time to the "good ol'days" which don't fucking exist by the way, and were charged with sitting there and not doing anything different. Now lets stop for one second and think about this. Does anyone think about the past in the context of "boy I hope that shit is just the same way I remember it"? Fuck no. If things were good you'd want them to start sooner and end later, and if they were bad then the inverse would be true. So expecting these men to go back to their formative years and make the same mistakes with none of the consequences readily apparent what were we to believe they'd do? It's not like things could get worse right? By the way the whole ominous warning thing with Chevy Chase was stupid. I don't think it made any sense considering they all vastly varied their behavior and nothing bad happened because of it. So to get more to my point the movie seems to say it's ok to hate your present because we all wish we could have done things differently and it's never too late to start changing your mindset. The thing is no one goes back in time and does this. Instead they leave behind a member of the crew who then goes on to use his knowledge of world events to make himself into a mogul on the scale of Bill Gates Multiplied by Tom Cruise. So instead of this being a movie about something redeeming, like not living with mistakes, instead it basically says the only way to be happy is to realize the parts of your life that you don't like, focus on them, then send a buddy into the past to change the future for you and then hand you happiness you did nothing to earn on the backend. Sweet idea? Yes of course. Plausible concept? Not in the least. Rationality be damned, but this movie didn't have the comedic value nor the Breasticular content of wedding crashers so why I wasted my time with it I will never fully know. Next on my list of movies to see is Harry Brown. It's about an old guy who gets pissed and then starts killing people while looking for revenge. Sound familiar?

Here is another story from my time in the hospital:

One night the nurse came in to take my blood and she literally pulled out a manual and a flashlight because she didn't want to wake me. I called the head nurse into my room the next morning and expressed my concerns about the matter. I never saw her again. True story. I wonder how many nurses I got fired?

This is bloody weird. I'm not sure what to think about this picture. I do like gummy bears. But I don't like heart transplants soooo...yea?

That's all I got kin'folks. I'm gonna go write Part.2 and It should be in the next 24-48 hours.

My own dick

Gift and A Curse

It is nice to have the sun out and the weather warm up, but summer is also the season when sleeping with someone in your bed becomes...problematic. Not for me though..I don't sleep. The heat does foster my one true favorite thing though..sleeping nude. I love PJ's as much as the next guy, but is there really a feeling better than being nekkie? Nope didn't think so. I have seen a lot more sun ups than I think I ever imagined I would. I literally thought today, long and hard about asking my doctor for Ambien. Partly so I can see what Tiger Woods was all excited about and partly so I can function on a normal schedule.

I wrote a while back about how I have a distaste for American soccer, and I very much still do. However there is one thing that makes me happy and that is seeing them win despite the blatant robbery going on. Soccer is probably my favorite sport to play but it is getting close to my least favorite to watch. It is like the rules say you have to overreact and bitch out at the slightest sign on contact. Soccer players get hit and hurt legitimately a lot, but there is an advantage to be gained by pretending you have when in fact you haven't and what's more is that players will forgo opportunities in the moment by flopping to set up a free kick and a new possibility later. I hate it. I can't stand it. It's pathetic. The best part of american football is that the play isn't over until the ball carrier is knocked or dragged to a stop. Falling is something to avoid. Watching players give their all to avoid falling or try to inflict the hit to make a tackler fall first is awe inspiring. Watching good athletes duck and dive is sissified and frustrating. The Americans have had to learn it to keep pace and I think to gain me as a fan they will have to learn a new fully American style. I want to see a team that plays through hits and gives just as much as it gets. I'll bet MONEY that this translates to more goals. It also depends on the assumption that ref's don't penalize this aggressiveness, but with 2 goals disallowed in a span of 2 games it doesn't seem FIFA or the refs could be doing anymore to fuck us over anyway. Oh well, at least I have this to cheer me up. 0 goals. 0 wins. A country that's #1 export is quite clearly....Losers.

Now let's have another story from my time in the clink:

I was taking a cocktail of pills for about 2 months and part of the regimen was a series of electrolytes. The balance of those vitamins in your blood are essential to the bodies ability to conduct electricity. I was under massive diuretic treatment so I was peeing more than I was allowed to drink back each day. The resulting situation was a "need" for supplements. Most pills are fairly uniform in size but I've learned to be wary of two types...the very big and the very small. Potassium is a very large pill. It also has a very distinct taste, an unpleasant one at that. So when it came to taking them I was never excited. I tried and forced myself, other times I simply threw them out. One day I was made to take a Potassium pill against my will and subsequently vomited. Needless to say I was feeling murderous and the nurse who forced me never got assigned to my room again. I swore then that I didn't care..I wasn't going to be taking any more Potassium. Weeks later I went in for a checkup in the VAD clinic and part of that process is to check the 'scrips list. We go down the list and make sure that what I'm taking matches what they have written down for me. We got to Potassium and as per my "do not lie to doctors rule" I said no...I've stopped taking Potassium. In fact truth be told I had never taken Potassium on a consistent basis. I had taken less than a handful of pills during the entire 2 months up to that point when I should have gone through at least a few bottles by then. Like I said...it didn't suit me. I fully acknowledge I can often be too smart for my own good and that makes me a horrible patient. But my reasoning is sound. People will tell you to do stupid things because the risk lies with you and not with them. Just following blindly like sheep works for some but not for me. It absolutely just sucks. And to top it all off my blood tests dating back to the start of all this revealed....that the level of Potassium in my blood had never been low. NEVER! The doc's didn't care the pills were huge, or that it made me vomit. They were blindly treating a symptom that wasn't even there.

And people wonder why I don't listen to anybody... SMH

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!!

I don't know if it's because I've been studying all day for the first time in weeks or because I'm following up an 8 month drought (medically induced) with a 6+ month drought (attitude induced) but Ladies...I am feeling alive tonight.