"Gag" order Pt.1

Jay-z said, "Triple entendre don't even ask me how" but I think I just figured it out with that, there title. Smiley Face, Wink, haha I'm kidding. I'll be happy to tell any of you who care to ask. And here's a hint: Yes, one meaning is definitely NOT a request for Sonic Burger though their food is quite gag worthy. In other news I've been getting feedback from friends and family who all say my writing is good but I know you're all lying. People who are good at things get hated on, asked to stop, told they're no good. I haven't a one hater...that I know of. So anyway through the various channels I've been asked to not discuss who or what I want so much so I'm here to verify that since I last washed my sheets on Monday the best thing that's been in my bed besides me are these tickets. Aug 13 @ the Roseland Theatre...it should be a blast. See Part.2 to find out more. (The hair tie is unrelated. They just keep popping up when I clean?)

I don't believe in sampling yourself, so instead of including some reheated stuff I wrote a while back I'm giving you a whole new update. And speaking of which as I write I noticed Big Boi has a sample of his own voice in a song from Sir Lucious Leftfoot: The Son of Chico Dusty. And while I can appreciate the prolix nature of his album title, it gave me pause to see such an amateurish maneuver on his first solo album. It was then that I realized Kanye's newest song gives us the explanation when he says, "I don't need your pussy I'm on my own dick." The initial song is a banger and this new track is one as well so in Mr. Patton's eye's it was simply a matter of himself being the best one for the job. Repurposing material has a decidedly second hand feeling to it because said material will never stand truly apart from it's initial use but the song sounds great and the album as a whole sounds amazing so if one song sounds like it came from a mixtape then I can forgive.

A request was recently made for me to censor myself and I had been meaning to expand my subject material anyway so I'd like to share for a moment the fact that I've just seen Hot Tub time machine. Normally an occurrence as run of the mill as this wouldn't merit a mention but the message I took from it was shockingly narrow and offensive. I know...shocking I took issue with something, what a surprise. This like a lot of other movies was made simply to get people to see it regardless of whether or not they would leave pleased with the experience. Some gratuitous nakedness and profane jokes were thrown in to make the majority of people happy they saw it but little else is even in this flic. It seems like artistic vision was not a word thrown around much on set. I enjoyed the comedy of a flashback to the 80's. It's amazing how much of a decade I only lived through 4 years of is so ingrained in my life. I was also pleased by the original takes on time travel theory and comedic elements found within the film. Wondering when and how the bellhop would lose his arm brought my great joy as did the scene where Craig Robinson's character is "forced" to have sex with a groupie in his jacuzzi. (a different one) This was also a rare instance in which I liked all the actors involved. And most of all I loved the way past and present were contrasted. Over and Over and OVER the point is made that communication in the past ten years has changed so much that we couldn't even talk to people in the late 80's about HOW we even communicate. It's awesome and funny and sad to think about all at once. The point is made when Rob Cordry's character mockingly laments, "Oh, what? You worried you'll have to actually talk to girls with your actual mouth?" It was like the director was screaming "Look! See! It's right here in front of you! Now internalize this and do something about it!! I know this feeling well. Smiley Face. What disappointed me was that each character was portrayed as a modern day version of a common story of failure. In this land where we are promised freedom the only thing we truly have the freedom to do is fail.

Success is a possibility but failure is a guarantee for us humans. Anyway all these guys were pissed and sad with life. They go back in time to the "good ol'days" which don't fucking exist by the way, and were charged with sitting there and not doing anything different. Now lets stop for one second and think about this. Does anyone think about the past in the context of "boy I hope that shit is just the same way I remember it"? Fuck no. If things were good you'd want them to start sooner and end later, and if they were bad then the inverse would be true. So expecting these men to go back to their formative years and make the same mistakes with none of the consequences readily apparent what were we to believe they'd do? It's not like things could get worse right? By the way the whole ominous warning thing with Chevy Chase was stupid. I don't think it made any sense considering they all vastly varied their behavior and nothing bad happened because of it. So to get more to my point the movie seems to say it's ok to hate your present because we all wish we could have done things differently and it's never too late to start changing your mindset. The thing is no one goes back in time and does this. Instead they leave behind a member of the crew who then goes on to use his knowledge of world events to make himself into a mogul on the scale of Bill Gates Multiplied by Tom Cruise. So instead of this being a movie about something redeeming, like not living with mistakes, instead it basically says the only way to be happy is to realize the parts of your life that you don't like, focus on them, then send a buddy into the past to change the future for you and then hand you happiness you did nothing to earn on the backend. Sweet idea? Yes of course. Plausible concept? Not in the least. Rationality be damned, but this movie didn't have the comedic value nor the Breasticular content of wedding crashers so why I wasted my time with it I will never fully know. Next on my list of movies to see is Harry Brown. It's about an old guy who gets pissed and then starts killing people while looking for revenge. Sound familiar?

Here is another story from my time in the hospital:

One night the nurse came in to take my blood and she literally pulled out a manual and a flashlight because she didn't want to wake me. I called the head nurse into my room the next morning and expressed my concerns about the matter. I never saw her again. True story. I wonder how many nurses I got fired?

This is bloody weird. I'm not sure what to think about this picture. I do like gummy bears. But I don't like heart transplants soooo...yea?

That's all I got kin'folks. I'm gonna go write Part.2 and It should be in the next 24-48 hours.

My own dick

Gift and A Curse

It is nice to have the sun out and the weather warm up, but summer is also the season when sleeping with someone in your bed becomes...problematic. Not for me though..I don't sleep. The heat does foster my one true favorite thing though..sleeping nude. I love PJ's as much as the next guy, but is there really a feeling better than being nekkie? Nope didn't think so. I have seen a lot more sun ups than I think I ever imagined I would. I literally thought today, long and hard about asking my doctor for Ambien. Partly so I can see what Tiger Woods was all excited about and partly so I can function on a normal schedule.

I wrote a while back about how I have a distaste for American soccer, and I very much still do. However there is one thing that makes me happy and that is seeing them win despite the blatant robbery going on. Soccer is probably my favorite sport to play but it is getting close to my least favorite to watch. It is like the rules say you have to overreact and bitch out at the slightest sign on contact. Soccer players get hit and hurt legitimately a lot, but there is an advantage to be gained by pretending you have when in fact you haven't and what's more is that players will forgo opportunities in the moment by flopping to set up a free kick and a new possibility later. I hate it. I can't stand it. It's pathetic. The best part of american football is that the play isn't over until the ball carrier is knocked or dragged to a stop. Falling is something to avoid. Watching players give their all to avoid falling or try to inflict the hit to make a tackler fall first is awe inspiring. Watching good athletes duck and dive is sissified and frustrating. The Americans have had to learn it to keep pace and I think to gain me as a fan they will have to learn a new fully American style. I want to see a team that plays through hits and gives just as much as it gets. I'll bet MONEY that this translates to more goals. It also depends on the assumption that ref's don't penalize this aggressiveness, but with 2 goals disallowed in a span of 2 games it doesn't seem FIFA or the refs could be doing anymore to fuck us over anyway. Oh well, at least I have this to cheer me up. 0 goals. 0 wins. A country that's #1 export is quite clearly....Losers.

Now let's have another story from my time in the clink:

I was taking a cocktail of pills for about 2 months and part of the regimen was a series of electrolytes. The balance of those vitamins in your blood are essential to the bodies ability to conduct electricity. I was under massive diuretic treatment so I was peeing more than I was allowed to drink back each day. The resulting situation was a "need" for supplements. Most pills are fairly uniform in size but I've learned to be wary of two types...the very big and the very small. Potassium is a very large pill. It also has a very distinct taste, an unpleasant one at that. So when it came to taking them I was never excited. I tried and forced myself, other times I simply threw them out. One day I was made to take a Potassium pill against my will and subsequently vomited. Needless to say I was feeling murderous and the nurse who forced me never got assigned to my room again. I swore then that I didn't care..I wasn't going to be taking any more Potassium. Weeks later I went in for a checkup in the VAD clinic and part of that process is to check the 'scrips list. We go down the list and make sure that what I'm taking matches what they have written down for me. We got to Potassium and as per my "do not lie to doctors rule" I said no...I've stopped taking Potassium. In fact truth be told I had never taken Potassium on a consistent basis. I had taken less than a handful of pills during the entire 2 months up to that point when I should have gone through at least a few bottles by then. Like I said...it didn't suit me. I fully acknowledge I can often be too smart for my own good and that makes me a horrible patient. But my reasoning is sound. People will tell you to do stupid things because the risk lies with you and not with them. Just following blindly like sheep works for some but not for me. It absolutely just sucks. And to top it all off my blood tests dating back to the start of all this revealed....that the level of Potassium in my blood had never been low. NEVER! The doc's didn't care the pills were huge, or that it made me vomit. They were blindly treating a symptom that wasn't even there.

And people wonder why I don't listen to anybody... SMH

Walking on A dream

I just saw 21 grams and it made me miss my nurses. I didn't have it nearly as good as this guy but I suppose at least I didn't come out with a chemical dependency either so fair is fair. The movie is scarily reminiscent of my experience in that Sean Penn's character is in a weird position with his lady friend. The circumstances bring them together and the director did a great job of portraying an accurate depiction of what things are like for such a couple. The movie overall disturbed me largely because the characters take a mental and emotional spiral that is merely there to facilitate the rest of the movie. I don't know what I would do if I met the widow of my donor and she was smokin' hot but the wall of emotion would be substantial to say the least.

But whatever, Benicio Del Toro did his thing, the sex scene actually was pretty good, and the movie was super interesting and well done. Kudo's. I wish I was as good at ANYTHING as those people are at acting. Each of the 3 main characters each had a scene where they blew me away with their skill. I can't say enough good things so I will just move on.

The nurses are what is important. I have so much love for the women (and men) that helped keep me up and running that I ache not having seen them. I need them and they need me. It is outrageous that we've been apart so long. Jennifer and her new baby, My "personal PICC nurse" and the two son's she will never let out of her sight, and of course my BFF Forever, Nanoor with baby Henry, are all back home loving life I am sure just as I am, but what we had was special and I miss it. I guess I can tell you now since I already told my dad, but it should come as no surprise that I am considering doing something dumb. I want to switch my care back to UCLA medical. The nurses, the techs, and most importantly my surgeon are all still there and of course the people whose job it is to keep me from needing to see them are somewhere else. So I am very seriously thinking of FIRING my current staff. I find it hilarious I have doctors that work for me and that I could fire someone so much smarter and more qualified than I. BUT I'M GONNA! Especially if shit ain't on Point when I come home in a few weeks.

How about this for news while I'm at it. I want to do a full sleeve on my right arm now. As in Tinta para el brazo! I'm trying to gather ideas for a tatoo that will go from shoulder to wrist so if you have any good ones please find a way to get them to me. It's not a for sure thing and would wait until I could get to a good artist anyway so no rush. And if you're anti this idea then don't worry there is still plenty of time for me to lose my arm in a bear trap so you're covered too.

This summer is going to be very important for me because as I see it, this could be the last time I go to any shows for a long time. MIA, NERD, and Empire of the Sun will all be in L.A. and I just don't know what I can see that will top those guys in the near future so I might as well retire right? Empire of the Sun for the uninitiated, are a band from Australia and they sound a lot like MGMT. I'm most excited about MIA, but Empire of the Sun is special because I've not shared them with anyone yet. I saw NERD with Ex#3 so the memory of them is kinda tainted until I can see them again and the same goes for Gnarls Barkley, Chester French, and anything involving Josh Homme strangely. So I need to see Empire because it will be a pure experience. The Black Keys, Gorillaz, basically the core of who I am musically was all shown and now I don't have a single headliner band I really love that isn't tainted with her stink. Dramatic I know but it's really simple. Imagine the most perfect meal possible and now imagine a fly just to the side of that plate. Not touching your food, and quite dead. That meal is hot and ready (or cold if it's sushi) but you are going to eat it with less zeal now for just that one small reason. So as you can see, I am very weird about music and when I start to talk about a band with you, It's like sharing a part of me. Nevertheless it just makes me all the more excited to see a big time act like them live. The sound is unique, but the look even more so. Lots of intricate costumes and makeup go into everything they do and it makes me wonder what life would be like if I ever experimented with psychedelics. Speaking of which...

It is time now for yet another unsolicited story about my time in the hospital:

So the movie 21 grams reminded me of another movie, Across the Universe. And one funny thing about this movie is that there is a dance scene revolving around the use of morphine and the dreams it gives you. Let me go ahead and tell you that me and my good friend Fentanyl went through some hellacious dreams together but I am not sure I'd change things if I could. And my dreams definitely didn't involve half a dozen Salma Hayeks in my room so this guy was getting a great deal on his physcadelics I would say. One such dream is really beyond description it was a horror themed dream but only in the sense that it was dark and there was fear in the air. But so was I.

I was in some sort of M.C. Escher type room where the stairs ran up the walls and I just kind of floated to the top of each flight instead of walking. I felt like I was underwater but everything was lit with torches. I had the same dream each time I went to bed while on this drug which is what made things so weird. Instead of a random part of my subconscious leaking out, instead I was seeing something almost scripted? The details are kind of irrelevant only because there are so many. Not only did I see everthing clear as day while asleep, I retained the images when I woke up and can even now pretty much tell you what was happening and what things looked like. This never happens with natural dreams and I think that's a good thing. Point is..lets all say a prayer of thanks that I am not addicted to this wonder drug, because I will be honest. Fentanyl is a helluva drug.

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Now for some women whom I do NOT love.

It's My Party

I'm in bed. And I have a confession. I'm skipping my meds tonight. They're downstairs. It's cold. This bed is too damn comfortable. Besides I'm out of milk. I understand I am lucky to be here, and to have received the "gift of life" as they all say is a special thing indeed. But I've said all along regimented maintenance care just isn't for me. I'm not ranting because there are those who can't rant, or have much more to rant about. I'm sorry. I promise tomorrow I will do better.

That Vegan Cheddar Was Nasty

So Spring Break is roughly half done and it's been a blast so far. I have a lot of great stories about the time I got to spend with my friends who I love and miss. It's 2:13am local time so I won't get into all that yet. I'm just here to dispel the myth of my demise. Hopefully you guys are all caught up because there will be lots of content coming your way. After a visit to my dream job (no not the White House) I have renewed determination to really meet some of this potential people tend to think I have.

And now as promised. My first ever, random story about my time at UCLA Medical.

I remember in late April I was almost ready to go home. I had been in the CCU since April 17 and I was really quite ready to go home. In hindsight, I was very much of the belief that if I didn't think anything was seriously wrong, then nothing bad would ever happen. That would soon change. I had someone bring me food, because as anyone who has spent time in a hospital knows, tasty = unhealthy to doctors so tasty is not what they serve you. I was eating a chipotle burrito...I haven't had one since I don't think though I don't attribute it to this. Anyway...I was sitting up on my bed and eating. Enjoying my last night of confinement. All of a sudden the nurses rushed into my room rather worried. Now me being me, I was only annoyed. Annoyance is my primary reaction to almost everything. In people 50 years my elder this is termed, "crotchety". So with burrito bol before me, I put down the fork and allowed them to fuss over me. That was the last time I took a bite of that burrito. Over the next 5-8 minutes on call doctors arrived, more nurses, and any random person from the hall seemed to be in my room. There are parts of this night that I do remember but don't feel like discussing though I also recall cracking wise to the doctor when they asked if I was still conscious which, unfortunately for at that moment, yes, I was. That would soon change. So finally after the mad scramble for a crash cart came up fruitless a nurse hurried off to retrieve it and I was left on a bed with a room full of people and the bed tilted so my feet were higher than my head. At a time like this most people would be quite worried and perhaps even panicked. I however wasn't even really curious. I didn't have any pain...well not from my body at least. And so I was unconcerned. Why you might ask?

It's simple. How the fuck should I have known what was happening? There is no way I could guess, and not being a trained doctor, there was even less chance I could self diagnose, so no I wasn't even the least bit nervous, I felt fine and so I daydreamed. I remember looking over at my burrito bringer; which is the only neutral term I can think to use for them at this point, and thinking I'll bet from where she's sitting I look a mess right now. Then every thing went black.

Two days later I woke up with a whiteboard and a marker laying on my lap. By the way I'm writing this story now so from a big picture point of view I think we know how this eventually ends. And aren't we glad all their hard work has culminated with my tapping away at these keys? I thought not.

Month One Done Done One Month One Month Done Done Month One Done One Month

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’ve gone a bit longer without a post than I’d care to but I have been working…Sleeping, no, but working yes, I promise. The conversations I’ve had ought to keep me motivated for a while yet. I’ve also been doing a lot of reading lately, mainly of other peoples blogs during which I saw an interesting quote, “I used to write to be read, now I write to be written.” I think this quote speaks volumes about the people who open themselves up via text. I personally have always written to be written, but I don’t suppose being read is bad either. I mean If I didn’t want to be read I’d never post, or I’d turn off the comments section. So for the person who wrote that quote I certainly hope she never wasted her time putting something down on paper, just so others would read it, but I’m glad she has found the true purpose of this medium. Lets not forget the whole point of learning to write in the first place (ie: cavemen’s paintings) is to move away from an oral history and provide a means of conveying information more accurately, there will always be an element of writing that is meant for reading, even if that audience is just yourself at a later date.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, who I love and respect but the end result of our talk was that he wasn’t making any sense. None.At.All. This past week brought with it, the debut of the much hyped Apple iPad. A tablet, style device that has long been thought to usher in the future of personal computing. The backlash in this new post-twitter ubiquity was fast and harsh. Many people now use various high end computing devices in their everyday life and with the new Android technology revolutionizing the cell phone market, coupled with the dividing line between phone, PDA, and game boy fading quickly, the pace to keep up is blinding at best. So the conversation mostly centered on the idea that the marketing of this new “tablet” was done all wrong. Everyone who saw the iPad debuted immediately compared it to whatever device they were using, saw that what they had was better and thought less of the tablet instantly. Not that they were wrong, the iPad doesn’t do more than most devices like it, however the argument I was hearing was that this new tablet wasn’t supposed to try and measure up. It was meant for those with disposable income, who could use it around the home or office as a way to simply meander around the internet and do idle tasks while killing time during a commercial, or while listening to jazz on the veranda, reading the latest Loretta Chase novel while sipping moscato. I’m sure by now you’ve realized you never do anything that I’ve just described but there are many Americans who do, and I’m sure they mostly live in Cupertino, Ca where Apple is based, and even more of them are neighbors of Steve Jobs who Macheads worship like some sort of high wasted jean wearing, fashion inept, bespectacled jesus. So my end of the argument went like this… Lets say that yes, in theory there is some market large enough to warrant pumping out these $800 slices of Apple genius. And making them will open up a “new” way of thinking. Instead of lugging the cumbersome 13-inch macbook or paper thin macbook air you just shelled out $2000 USD for, why not plop down a measly $800 and then when you google the answer to Jeopardy questions or look up those esoteric references Dennis Miller always makes during the O’Reilly factor to see if they’re real or not, (they’re not) you won’t have to pull out that clumsy iPhone and type on the tiny pad. Still after saying all that is it really worth it to make a device so devoid of even the simplest technological advancements? I don’t think so. Now of course there are two things I know about Apple. One is that they start production on things 5 years in advance. This is a big reason I know the second thing about them, they always add updates to models billed as cutting edge. The way things expand these days, there’s just no way they could wait for technology to plateau. Instead they’ve made a business model around making a new device and then updating it in subsequent generations. At the very least I'm asking that they partner with In-N-Out to bring us the first ever iLunch, so that I could just use the Bump app on my (pronounced: your) iPhone with the girl walking around outside expediting to add my order to the queue while in the line of cars thats 37 deep.

But I still haven’t discussed why my friend made no sense. The laundry list of thing’s I could say this device should have, are not things we haven’t developed yet. Sure this new toy may be useful to a small segment of people on an even smaller number of occasions but does that mean we should just accept this device as what it is? Even my little brothers cell phone can stream Pandora music AND send an email. Why can’t the iPad? It’s very hard to convince me that when something sucks it’s ok because it was designed to suck. My college roommate once tried to tell me that signing A-Rod to ANOTHER $260 Million dollar deal was smart because he’d break the all time Home Run record as a Yankee that way. What he failed to realize was that it didn’t matter what he did as an individual to the fans, and at that point he had been single handedly murdering the Yankee’s playoff runs with poor batting performances. It wasn’t okay for A-Rod to suck then and it’s not ok for the iPad to suck now. I’m not saying the business friendly upgrades people are asking for are not going to happen or that Apple is wrong in trying to open up a new market, but right now they’re either holding back with these upgrades and waiting to include those features in future updates or simply not trying at all. Neither or which is ok by me.

I went to a different hospital today and I’m UNIMPRESSED. UCLA not only has the sentimental value but is simply a better facility. It makes me glad I won’t have to go to this new place as often as I went to Regan. In the future I hope I can find a way to get my medical team back to UCLA. After seeing the way things are, I feel like someone cut off their nose to spite their face, and I have a feeling it might not have been just the bigwigs at UCLA.

There’s a new badge on the right hand side that will take you to a site I belong to. It’s basically a writer’s convention where people bounce ideas off one another and build their brand. The new stuff I’m working on for me is going to take a back seat until I think I have a better grip on the Wet Bean and Cheese and the stuff over at 20sb, but by my birthday I hope to be ready to start back with that.

In a prior post I mentioned that N.A.S.A would probably not be able to launch it's other desired shuttle missions, and though President Obama did nix a manned expedition to the Moon he did renew funding for many projects. My Bad.

Today is a Palindrome Day in Europe just as January 2nd was for us.

Esta casa é minha casa

Casa Kimball looks like a place I’d like to live. It’s tropical, the lines are fairly symmetrical, and the size seems like it could accommodate me, and those of my ilk easily. It’s a far cry from where I am today, but hopefully not far from where I end up. It’s interesting being 5 years into a 4 year journey. The familiar faces have long since vanished here on campus and the daily struggles seem less challenging. There is a 4 day weekend ahead of me so for those with real jobs I will enjoy it on your behalf…as I read up on the U.S. Constitution and try to get some headway in my Sports Law class. Both of these classes bring me to realize how much I enjoy learning about the respective fields but how little I actually want to work in them. If I don’t end up as a Pol or a sports agent, I have no clue what I will be. I know I’ve been speaking about becoming and Astronaut lately but STS-129 was the last successful shuttle flight until the new space program is unveiled and with a cost of roughly $1.3 Billion USD/launch it is unlikely most of the 5 remaining scheduled flights will take off this year.

Speaking of home, I had a place I called home for about 3 months this past year and I am melancholy about leaving it. Part of me wants to move back into Ronald Regan Medical center, and go back to my room that could easily have been a $900/month studio apartment in Century city and just never leave. Those nights I spent waiting were relatively stress free. There are no expectations of a sick kid, and when I was there I was the star of the show. Waiting is easy for me. Mainly because it really only consists of sitting and sleeping. Two things I am adept at. There was a certain kind of perfection that those days had that I don’t think a return trip would provide so I try not to reminisce, but the more I think about it, the more I’m sure that I was the happiest person ever on an organ transplant waiting list. If not for the people around me, then definitely for the life lessons I learned.