"Gag" order Pt.1

Jay-z said, "Triple entendre don't even ask me how" but I think I just figured it out with that, there title. Smiley Face, Wink, haha I'm kidding. I'll be happy to tell any of you who care to ask. And here's a hint: Yes, one meaning is definitely NOT a request for Sonic Burger though their food is quite gag worthy. In other news I've been getting feedback from friends and family who all say my writing is good but I know you're all lying. People who are good at things get hated on, asked to stop, told they're no good. I haven't a one hater...that I know of. So anyway through the various channels I've been asked to not discuss who or what I want so much so I'm here to verify that since I last washed my sheets on Monday the best thing that's been in my bed besides me are these tickets. Aug 13 @ the Roseland Theatre...it should be a blast. See Part.2 to find out more. (The hair tie is unrelated. They just keep popping up when I clean?)

I don't believe in sampling yourself, so instead of including some reheated stuff I wrote a while back I'm giving you a whole new update. And speaking of which as I write I noticed Big Boi has a sample of his own voice in a song from Sir Lucious Leftfoot: The Son of Chico Dusty. And while I can appreciate the prolix nature of his album title, it gave me pause to see such an amateurish maneuver on his first solo album. It was then that I realized Kanye's newest song gives us the explanation when he says, "I don't need your pussy I'm on my own dick." The initial song is a banger and this new track is one as well so in Mr. Patton's eye's it was simply a matter of himself being the best one for the job. Repurposing material has a decidedly second hand feeling to it because said material will never stand truly apart from it's initial use but the song sounds great and the album as a whole sounds amazing so if one song sounds like it came from a mixtape then I can forgive.

A request was recently made for me to censor myself and I had been meaning to expand my subject material anyway so I'd like to share for a moment the fact that I've just seen Hot Tub time machine. Normally an occurrence as run of the mill as this wouldn't merit a mention but the message I took from it was shockingly narrow and offensive. I know...shocking I took issue with something, what a surprise. This like a lot of other movies was made simply to get people to see it regardless of whether or not they would leave pleased with the experience. Some gratuitous nakedness and profane jokes were thrown in to make the majority of people happy they saw it but little else is even in this flic. It seems like artistic vision was not a word thrown around much on set. I enjoyed the comedy of a flashback to the 80's. It's amazing how much of a decade I only lived through 4 years of is so ingrained in my life. I was also pleased by the original takes on time travel theory and comedic elements found within the film. Wondering when and how the bellhop would lose his arm brought my great joy as did the scene where Craig Robinson's character is "forced" to have sex with a groupie in his jacuzzi. (a different one) This was also a rare instance in which I liked all the actors involved. And most of all I loved the way past and present were contrasted. Over and Over and OVER the point is made that communication in the past ten years has changed so much that we couldn't even talk to people in the late 80's about HOW we even communicate. It's awesome and funny and sad to think about all at once. The point is made when Rob Cordry's character mockingly laments, "Oh, what? You worried you'll have to actually talk to girls with your actual mouth?" It was like the director was screaming "Look! See! It's right here in front of you! Now internalize this and do something about it!! I know this feeling well. Smiley Face. What disappointed me was that each character was portrayed as a modern day version of a common story of failure. In this land where we are promised freedom the only thing we truly have the freedom to do is fail.

Success is a possibility but failure is a guarantee for us humans. Anyway all these guys were pissed and sad with life. They go back in time to the "good ol'days" which don't fucking exist by the way, and were charged with sitting there and not doing anything different. Now lets stop for one second and think about this. Does anyone think about the past in the context of "boy I hope that shit is just the same way I remember it"? Fuck no. If things were good you'd want them to start sooner and end later, and if they were bad then the inverse would be true. So expecting these men to go back to their formative years and make the same mistakes with none of the consequences readily apparent what were we to believe they'd do? It's not like things could get worse right? By the way the whole ominous warning thing with Chevy Chase was stupid. I don't think it made any sense considering they all vastly varied their behavior and nothing bad happened because of it. So to get more to my point the movie seems to say it's ok to hate your present because we all wish we could have done things differently and it's never too late to start changing your mindset. The thing is no one goes back in time and does this. Instead they leave behind a member of the crew who then goes on to use his knowledge of world events to make himself into a mogul on the scale of Bill Gates Multiplied by Tom Cruise. So instead of this being a movie about something redeeming, like not living with mistakes, instead it basically says the only way to be happy is to realize the parts of your life that you don't like, focus on them, then send a buddy into the past to change the future for you and then hand you happiness you did nothing to earn on the backend. Sweet idea? Yes of course. Plausible concept? Not in the least. Rationality be damned, but this movie didn't have the comedic value nor the Breasticular content of wedding crashers so why I wasted my time with it I will never fully know. Next on my list of movies to see is Harry Brown. It's about an old guy who gets pissed and then starts killing people while looking for revenge. Sound familiar?

Here is another story from my time in the hospital:

One night the nurse came in to take my blood and she literally pulled out a manual and a flashlight because she didn't want to wake me. I called the head nurse into my room the next morning and expressed my concerns about the matter. I never saw her again. True story. I wonder how many nurses I got fired?

This is bloody weird. I'm not sure what to think about this picture. I do like gummy bears. But I don't like heart transplants soooo...yea?

That's all I got kin'folks. I'm gonna go write Part.2 and It should be in the next 24-48 hours.

My own dick

Come Be My Friend

**Written on the plane 5/26**

Today I take my last trip home from school ever. It would be a bigger moment for me had things worked out differently but to be honest this trip has everything to do with life and nothing to do with school and for the first time since I was 5 years old those two aren’t the same thing. I’m a teachers kid, an honor roll student, a school boy. I’m also an Academic probate, a rebel, who for lack of a better term is basically stealing his degree this term. I really miss the days when all I had to worry about was my GPA but I look forward to the days when I don’t have to cram every ten weeks. It’s been fun. I have no regrets about going to school. I just did a Net Present Value assignment for my Econ class and I had to compare the value of a job I could have gotten out of highschool with the value of a job I could get with my degree. Assuming a certain interest rate, adding up my fixed and indirect costs and spanning a 20-year period, I am financially better off for having gone to school. In one of the analyses I did, the dollar figure was actually pretty close. Education isn’t cheap, but I was happy I chose school anyway. Maybe I won’t be any richer after I pay off all these loans but at least my Bodhisattva will get to tell people her Nino is an Astronaut and not a city construction worker. And to me that’s the point. I would be just as well off either way but to the people around me and those who need my support; I owe it to them not to take the easy way out because I see no shame in working for the city...matter of fact I’d get better holidays. If I had it to do over again I actually would have studied more. I spoke with a friend from high school and we just kind of talked about how the dudes in school who all the girls wanted to bone back then are now fat with three kids. Not that I couldn’t see this coming in some instances (I see you Tate’r Mac!) but for the most part this shocked me. I mean men get more distinguished with age right? Maybe so, maybe no, but I guess it feels good to have made it the other side of things with my hairline static and what little sex appeal I have still intact.

I'd like to give a shout out to all girls right now. When guys come home we ALWAYS smell like whatever they were wearing...for better or for worse. Tonight wasn't a bad one but you end up wishing they were still there or being glad they're not. Smell is after all, the strongest sense tied to memory so maybe they're onto something. I have another random story from the Hospital but it is so long that It will be it's own post. So instead I offer you this.

Things that happen when you start a blog

1. Random people from Europe will send you highly unacceptable pictures like this:

2. When you witness craziness you will react with joy not the usual remorse for the decay of our society:

3. Realize that if you replace "Andy" with "T-Rex", this is a reenactment of an actual conversation I've had:

I'll make it easy on you, what a disaster

No school for me today. Just wasn't up to it. I thought a lot about Michaela last night and her mom. It sucks to say and I feel wrong for saying it but I really do miss the hospital sometimes. There are plenty of people who would obviously love to trade with me so I don't for a second forget how lucky we all are to be on this side of the hospital doors. All this has also made me soften my stance. I don't think it ever got written here, maybe it did? But when I'm in the position to go back I really do want to go and see patients in the hospital. It is a shitty circumstance and if seeing me is any sort of consolation then I'm all for it. I don't know what Bill Sears is up to but I will be at UCLA to see Chris and everyone first thing saturday morning. I don't think I ever shouted out Rhodora which is a shame because she is one of my most favorite earthlings ever. You would be hard pressed to find a better person than her. Shouts to my man Newman while I'm at it.

I've seen this pose before, seems to be a female favorite?

Like I said graduation is right around the corner so the flights and hotel room are booked and P-Unit infiltration to my land of solace is exactly 30 days away.

There usually isn't any thing political going on here and for good reason. I don't like to run my yap on things that a) I don't know anything about b) seem mostly unimportant or c) aren't that exciting. But this is an instance where even in violation of rules B and C I have to speak on the matter. I was going to post a video from CNN featuring the dynamic AC360 but it's a big file that I didn't wanna sit around waiting to upload. Point is this. Some idiot whose name I will not even bother to go lookup is both a Doctor and an officer in the military. In what must have been his attempt to further prove to me, no matter what educational accolades you receive, you can still be a Dumbass, he decided to ignore his orders to return to war because he thinks President Obama is not actually an American.

What the Fuck is wrong with people. There's a rant inside me that I won't type out but just imagine the expletives landing like rain on a windshield and you'll get the picture. Part of me is upset that he is not deploying to Afghanistan. This feels like an overwrought plot to skip out on a trip back to the middle east and that along with this obviously blatant attack on the president for no reason really anger me. This punk ass looks the part too. He sat up on AC360 looking like the type of guy who would snitch you out in two seconds flat. Take it from me, I was raised a skittish, unassuming, weakling and only through experience did I learn to stand up and be a better person, so I can still spot someone with no heart from a mile away. The look in someone's eyes when they will sell you out for no reason at all is pretty apparent and this dude has it. I was livid to hear his argument but then when he popped up on CNN with a lawyer in tow who ended up doing all the talking for him I knew this was a gutless bastard the likes of which we've never seen before. If you truly were trying to take a stand for yourself and what you believed in, risking jail, professional ruin, and shame, you wouldn't let that ride on a lawyers lips. You would be marching hard trying to get the word out. This fool sat there and didn't say shit. He didn't even look like he wanted to...I'm just gonna take 5 seconds and *woosah*

Okay, I'm back. And the only thing that seems to make sense anymore is astrology. I love to make real life choices based on the power of the Zodiac because unlike actual religion there are no rules and as an added bonus it actually has some real life applications. Take 'Alex' for example. She was born on the last day of her sign just like i was so I know that though I could use the one set of dates most people would to figure things out, this one will be more useful.

That being said I don't feel beholden to this particularly dreary prediciton. Perhaps I am just still caught up in, "the powerful initial attraction" phase of things, but even still I get to laugh at ridiculous phrases like that. I've got enough self imposed rules of my own so getting to bend and break these really make things a lot easier for me to get behind. Besides if there is a single lesson I've learned it's that...

The Black Keys

I don't Smoke that stress

The Girls Marina,

and Melissa and Jenn too

Nanoor you the most

Also the smell of

hospital soap, every day

bosom soft indeed

I want what Samantha Ronson has. She has this perfect mix of, "I could give a fuck less" and, "I secretly do care, but I'm so cool you could NEVER call me out on it". Plus she's foreign but her accent isn't from anywhere. It's pure unadulterated cool juice coming across those thin lips of hers. She, I am positive could pull far more women accidentally than I ever could on my best day. The funny thing about this is that random people love talking to me. All my close friends have an, "I was with JT, and such n' such happened" story. Everyone knows someone who looks just like me, or saw me at a party last week, or whatever. Samantha Ronson however has a mystique I am sure prevents any such thing. She is like a black hole almost, in that she belongs to an elite class of humans, who have an aura about them so disinterested in what we mere mortals are doing, that we feel the need to overcompensate by really caring about what they have going on. The other problem here is that I am fairly stable and fairly predictable. I think a big part of that aura is that no one ever really knows what she is going to do and that's what keeps things intriguing. I spend my whole day trying to enlighten you as to my thoughts and so right away there is a difference between her and I..among ALL the others.

Graduation is right around the corner as is post #100 so with all these momentous occasions on the way soon I'm feeling the heat like a glacier would. (I may sweat but it never changes my composure) Anyway the haiku written above in honor of Haikuesday are devoted to some things I truly miss.

Unsigned Hype

Full Disclosure

I am so in love. I met Maya more than two years ago at a concert in Portland and have been absolutely head over heels ever since. I was on stage when we met no less dancing my ass off and when our eyes met it was a transformative experience the likes of which I’ve never experienced before. Maya Arulpragasm better known as, M.I.A. is the truest representation of what I think I need in a woman to be happy. She is smart, funny, sexy, and best of all has a mind of her own backed up by a smart mouth. She can be witty without being catty, and talk shit without coming across like a bitch. She is absolutely amazing. Unfortunately for me she is married and just recently had a baby so it seems she has decided to put down roots elsewhere. Meh, at least it wasn’t that asshole Diplo.

So anyway I saw her quote being passed around Twitter and the first time I read it, I don’t think I understood. So I read it again and when I was done I paused. What followed can only be described as a mix between a laugh and an awestruck gasp. Not only did she give credence to something that for so long I felt bad about thinking, but she did it as a member of the industry. It’s tantamount to Kevin Durant telling a reporter he thought Kobe was ok, but not quite as much like Jordan as he thought. Or Zlatan telling Reuters that Drogba was perhaps just a bit more impressed with himself than anyone else. I was just taken back to that night on stage, the song ending, security ushering the throng of stage hoppers back down to the floor, and me stuck staring…standing… and waving. Had she beckoned just then I have no doubt the music would have muted for me and like a zombie would I have been at her side posthaste…not.one.doubt. In the words of another great hero of mine, Pharell, once wrote a song simply saying, “I just love your brain”. Double entendre’s aside there isn’t a better way to describe my love for her. The only other person I know right now with that same mix of charisma and intellect is my very own Bodhisattva back home. Even at 3yrs old I can tell she will be far smarter than her Nino…though that isn’t much of an accomplishment. I am a clear and devout M.I.A Stan that’s no secret.

What may surprise you is that I have no idea what she is saying when she said “[Gaga] sounds more like me than I do.” I resent that statement and I have absolutely no idea why she would say that. Those bloggers who said it sounds like a case of jealousy don’t know a thing about M.I.A. She has had the opportunity to sell out and passed. Her songs blew up when the mainstream heard her song in that damn Pineapple Express commercial or in Slumdog Millionaire. There is no way she thinks Gaga is somehow privy to chances she wasn’t. What she is though, is upset at the fans for eating up the garbage Gaga often puts out. That commercial she put out under the guise of “music video” for Telephone is a perfect example of how they couldn’t be more different.

Hate week is coming back soon. I have new things to hate, and fresh content for you to enjoy so stay tuned and I will be sure to keep you updated. Now it is time for the latest installment of Your random story about my time at UCLA medical.

So I suppose that last story I mentioned was a bit dramatic, but again I will emphasize that the simple fact I am here to recount it makes it all less so. In class the other day we were discussing abortion and it reminded me of a story I heard after I got out of the hospital. After I faded into that effortless sleep I spent a day or so under sedation and at some point my heart went berserk…again. I never gave the story much thought but now after trying to imagine life or death decisions being made without my input I find myself especially emotional. It is also scary to think what it must have been like for those who were there. I never shut up…ever. I never ever stop telling people what I want them to hear and in part that can be reassuring for people. Watching people work on me yet never see me open my mouth to chastise someone for something must have been a strange experience. So I have no memory of what had gone on. May 1, 2009 – May 3, 2009 are days I won’t ever recall, it’s part of my life that someone else has but I don’t, those memories are fuckin’ collectors items as far as I’m concerned. But unlike O.J. I promise not to stick you up to get them back. The story I had in mind involved the whiteboard I mentioned. I guess that at time there was some disconnect between my conscious and my subconscious because I was asking for things like juice and bagels, and something known as the Bruin Breakfast. I think I only ever ordered the Bruin Breakfast once and that was without a breathing tube in. I’m stubborn but not that stubborn. My stomach was literally forcing my hand to write these things. I find that amazing. I find it interesting digging up these stories bit by bit. I didn’t allow myself to feel emotions back then as many people close to me surely can attest. Looking back from this safe distance and feeling scared at a memory is like seeing a Scary movie or something. It’s riveting but truly horrific all at the same time. Next time I’ll talk about my friend Olivia and her eminent retirement.

I haven't written in a long while

But I really want too. I have a lot to say, and more importantly questions to ask. I've been far to lazy of late and I will do better. For tonight I will leave you with these words from a favorite band of mine. Ella quiere Venganza. They above all else have taught me, I really should pay more attention in the future.

She smelled like 2am

Took him back to her place

Where all the saints adorn the walls

Delivering her from grace

He knew he should leave

That this could only turn cold

She was a bad bad girl

So he told her so

Under the shadows of doubt

He had the whisper of lust

He said no touching tonight

She closed her eyes in his trust

She said tuck me in

He knew his judgement was sound

Still he pulled back the sheets

And said you better lie down cause the angels are watching

She closed her eyes and said quit the talking

You can hurt me do whatever you like

Her every word was in italics

As it would fall from her lips

The walls made of broken promises

He hoped this wouldn't be his

She said tell me what to do

He knew right then he was done

Feeling lonely and confused

He said you better lie down cause the angels are watching

She closed her eyes and said quit the talking

You can hurt me do whatever you like

So he said shut your mouth girl the angels are listening

You better lie down cause the angels are watching

She closed her eyes and said quit the talking

You can hurt me do whatever you like

She crossed herself now the moments are missing

You can hurt me do whatever you like

Glancing through the curtains

Questions on her tongue

She spoke in third person

And he had seen every one

Awkward and admitted

Said shut the door when you go

Perhaps he should have reconsidered (oh no)

When he said you better lie down cause the angels are watching

She closed her eyes and said quit the talking

You can hurt me do whatever you like

So he said shut your mouth girl the angels are listening

She crossed herself now the moments are missing

You can hurt me do whatever you like

Jan. 9, 2010

So my new girlfriend is a cat. She is so much like other women I've dated that in the wake of all I've been through it's scary. My roommate Ariana has a cat named Waffles, and I've never lived with a cat before so all her mannerisms are new to me. Basically it is this: When she wants my time she will have it, or if she needs attention she will have it. My space is her space, and it is implied that if I'm eating something she may inquire about it, and possibly taste some of it...But if you had shown me this 2 weeks ago I would have thought you were referring to any girl I've dated, not my new feline friend. It's also worrisome, because when Waffles assumes her spot on my lap and almost knowingly knudges my hand with her face to get me to pet her, I do feel like I should. I don't know why but when she meows at me, It's hard to ignore her. Hmm, there is something so enchanting about both women and cats that if you aren't careful you will find yourself at their beck and call. I try so hard not to fall into this cycle but there is just something I find alluring about that sense of entitlement. It is a bad habit, with any luck Waffles helps teach me to break that spell.

I suppose it's as simple as this. She knows that her wiles will get her what she wants, and for me I'll always be wanted. Who said relationships had to be healthy anyway.