It's all very simple

The heart wants what the heart wants and all I want is someone to put up with my shit so I don't have to..and watch Aquateen with me. It's only been 355 days with this "new heart" so I will give it time to lead me where I need to go. In the meantime I'm home now so this will have to be quick. More/better updates are soon to come..including the 100th post wrap which is now 32 posts late and the end of college wrap which is a month and a half late or 9 months early depending on how you look at it. Tomorrow we go to Huntington Beach and if I'm lucky a visit with the Bodhisattva. See you soon.

Gag order Pt.2

I'm back..a little late as always, but I trust you all had a good holiday weekend.

Thanks,

The Mgmt.

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The older I get the more I realize why people don't want to talk to each other, and why mind reading though improbable seems like a highly overrated talent to have. Let's all take a second to think of the things we think about during a day.

Now lets all promise never to discuss any of that with anyone...because that was just disgusting. I know I have thoughts I wish I could forget all the time. All the time. I wish I KNEW HOW to QUIT you!! No I'm kidding I quit you already...hehehheeh. Shouts to Pruane2Forever.

All I'm saying is that the other day I walked home with bullets and condoms in my pockets. Well actually I went to dinner first at a family restaurant and all I could think was, "if only these folks knew I was so prepared to both end and prevent life right now.." In reality I had just helped a friend move and the two things he had most of in his place were just that- Bullets and Jimmies. I have no clue why an abundance of either is truly necessary but I'd like to think that he just anticipated the worst and that needing a lot of either means either something very good or very bad and so it would be best to be fully prepared for such a moment. Anyway as parting gifts and the down payment on my days work I was afforded a sample of his cache...That's what she said.

I have a spider's bite on my inner thigh. This upsets me in a way that is quite like finding..mud... on your white shorts.... before Wimbledon. God that was an awful analogy. I suppose it's somewhere north or a trip to the dentist but awfully far south of finding a quarter on the ground. As random daily occurrences go, for me, finding a bite of any kind is at it's base a symbol. I, as I'm sure we all do, find my body adorned in every manner of scratch, bruise and sometimes even bites, while putting on clothes or during showers . (My ex used to bite me..HARD. I don't bruise easily but I did often. The perks of long distance relationships are few though, so I'll count bites as one.) But they were all signs, markers, of the fact that someone or something has been on your body and when you get bitten by a spider it almost always is in your sleep and almost never does it yield super powers. So in my opinion they are a a wholly dissatisfactory thing. I do not like it and no matter what Kate says about them eating pests I've never sought out to harm a spider and I'd appreciate if they showed me the same respect.

US Soccer finished as we all knew they would, at home watching like everyone else. There is no hope for the US side to ever contend for a top spot in world soccer competitions because our best athletes are doing every other sport but this. My own brother for instance would make a great body double for Oguchi Onyewu but he is now riding the pine all so he can keep getting a free education at one of the top universities in the nation. I don't disagree with his choice completely. I think it is a safe, smart move. If I had his talents I might try to play at the highest level simply because our team is so piss poor and it would be a nice exercise in exploration to see just how much better we could get by adding talent alone. Never mind our grade school tactics or the complete lack of team alchemy on field. Oh well. Brazil has been bounced and so they too will sit by and watch. Funny how two overhyped teams have been ousted by more upstart competition. I don't read the Portuguese news but I'm pretty sure one of the biggest endorsers of the Brazilian side is actually an american company. Nike and all the oodles of soccer fans here stateside adorned in the Azul y Verde latch onto them because our own team is so incompetent. Hungry to latch on to a winner more so than most othe countries we eschew patriotism and root for Goliath instead of our own burgeoning David. It is hard to root against a team like the Brazilians but there is no reason why so much talent should fizzle out so readily. What they have in talent usually makes up for the lack in perseverance but in the sad reality of things the US and Brazil are at opposite ends of the same truth; One is too talented for their own good, the other just thinks they're too good.

I know I shouldn't but I'm going to anyway.

I don't know who makes these but they make me feel like I'm on the Truman show.

Let's Find out

Though if that dream I had last night is true, then this isn't actually true.

As all guilty men do, You will rewrite your History

I've got to assume that since literally 99% of you watch me work and never interact that you aren't looking to be heard, but are here to see what I have to offer. In that sense I feel better because I always felt bad for not including your vision here, but at the same time am sad because I have to admit I'm not entirely sure I can hold the audience. No matter I'm going to keep doing what I've always done. So here goes.

I went to lunch with a classmate of mine last week. Something I honestly wish I could have done more of in the past but that wasn't my journey so I don't stress it. The days post tense have left me thinking only one thing...I think I was a bit too comfortable in my own skin around her? I hear the way to handle these things is to just be yourself but when you're me that can be both a good and bad thing. It's a bit whimsical because there are obviously many interactions and so for me to assume that it was my openness that caused any glitch in the Matrix is a tad presumptuous but not completely unfounded. Lets hope this weekend brings improved results. I love my girl Ariana by the way, who once I informed her a cock block had appeared in our class out of nowhere, told me I was going to give up rather than increase my effort. From her, and only from her is that more a statement of fact than a putdown. I don't know how she got to know me so well but no of course I have to prove her wrong because as right as she may be I'm still competitive.

My idea for the sleeve tat' is basically at a standstill. I know I want it and I know where I want it. But the final two choices are much harder. Where to get them and whether to get them are pretty much road blocking the process. I have plans to meet up with a friend back in Long Beach in a few weeks and hopefully she can help shed light on all this and Melissa should be back from her honeymoon by then so I'm sure I can get an earful of sense from her too. Though...now that I think of it, she's had some "work done" so maybe she won't be as down on this idea as I expect. I have this weird urge to implode sometimes and I think it might manifest itself in a post soon. I mean True Hollywood Story type, tell all post about myself that may needlessly put things into the public forum that don't need to be there. I dunno why it is those things intrigue me in the least but..if I were like everyone else then I suppose I wouldn't be writing this would I?

P.S. - SEE YOU THERE!!!!!!

I'll make it easy on you, what a disaster

No school for me today. Just wasn't up to it. I thought a lot about Michaela last night and her mom. It sucks to say and I feel wrong for saying it but I really do miss the hospital sometimes. There are plenty of people who would obviously love to trade with me so I don't for a second forget how lucky we all are to be on this side of the hospital doors. All this has also made me soften my stance. I don't think it ever got written here, maybe it did? But when I'm in the position to go back I really do want to go and see patients in the hospital. It is a shitty circumstance and if seeing me is any sort of consolation then I'm all for it. I don't know what Bill Sears is up to but I will be at UCLA to see Chris and everyone first thing saturday morning. I don't think I ever shouted out Rhodora which is a shame because she is one of my most favorite earthlings ever. You would be hard pressed to find a better person than her. Shouts to my man Newman while I'm at it.

I've seen this pose before, seems to be a female favorite?

Like I said graduation is right around the corner so the flights and hotel room are booked and P-Unit infiltration to my land of solace is exactly 30 days away.

There usually isn't any thing political going on here and for good reason. I don't like to run my yap on things that a) I don't know anything about b) seem mostly unimportant or c) aren't that exciting. But this is an instance where even in violation of rules B and C I have to speak on the matter. I was going to post a video from CNN featuring the dynamic AC360 but it's a big file that I didn't wanna sit around waiting to upload. Point is this. Some idiot whose name I will not even bother to go lookup is both a Doctor and an officer in the military. In what must have been his attempt to further prove to me, no matter what educational accolades you receive, you can still be a Dumbass, he decided to ignore his orders to return to war because he thinks President Obama is not actually an American.

What the Fuck is wrong with people. There's a rant inside me that I won't type out but just imagine the expletives landing like rain on a windshield and you'll get the picture. Part of me is upset that he is not deploying to Afghanistan. This feels like an overwrought plot to skip out on a trip back to the middle east and that along with this obviously blatant attack on the president for no reason really anger me. This punk ass looks the part too. He sat up on AC360 looking like the type of guy who would snitch you out in two seconds flat. Take it from me, I was raised a skittish, unassuming, weakling and only through experience did I learn to stand up and be a better person, so I can still spot someone with no heart from a mile away. The look in someone's eyes when they will sell you out for no reason at all is pretty apparent and this dude has it. I was livid to hear his argument but then when he popped up on CNN with a lawyer in tow who ended up doing all the talking for him I knew this was a gutless bastard the likes of which we've never seen before. If you truly were trying to take a stand for yourself and what you believed in, risking jail, professional ruin, and shame, you wouldn't let that ride on a lawyers lips. You would be marching hard trying to get the word out. This fool sat there and didn't say shit. He didn't even look like he wanted to...I'm just gonna take 5 seconds and *woosah*

Okay, I'm back. And the only thing that seems to make sense anymore is astrology. I love to make real life choices based on the power of the Zodiac because unlike actual religion there are no rules and as an added bonus it actually has some real life applications. Take 'Alex' for example. She was born on the last day of her sign just like i was so I know that though I could use the one set of dates most people would to figure things out, this one will be more useful.

That being said I don't feel beholden to this particularly dreary prediciton. Perhaps I am just still caught up in, "the powerful initial attraction" phase of things, but even still I get to laugh at ridiculous phrases like that. I've got enough self imposed rules of my own so getting to bend and break these really make things a lot easier for me to get behind. Besides if there is a single lesson I've learned it's that...

The Black Keys

What The fuck is wrong with me

I truly suck at life. I definitely proclaimed this week to be the week of hate. And not only do I have my Hate posts ready to go but they are filed and ready...for the wrong week. I often write things and then schedule them to post at a later date but since I apparently cannot read a calendar they've been set for the wrong week. I will again have to make those of you who are waiting continue to do just that. This by the way is the problem the POTUS is having at the moment. When you give people specific deadlines for your tasks they expect you to be done by then even if you can't deliver and never would have expected you to in the first place. I'm less than pleased but again I apologize. Tomorrow is hump day as the giggly girl at the rec center informed me. Do you think she was hinting at something?

i have a surplus of this stuff

Tell your friends, Hate week will be back soon. Next week, May 3rd. All new, right here @ the WB&C.

James Blake - CMYK by Funkism Soundcloud

Fact: If you're drinking Green Beer...we're not friends.

I hope everyone has a good spring break. I'll be spending mine here dealing with some things. I can't wait to be home soon though. It's always funny to me when a drinking holiday comes up because I never know when they are. I think I have more knowledge of Jewish and Islamic holidays than American drinking ones...I think I like it that way too?

It's funny to me how I can feel so bad about things sometimes and then 3 minutes of my day can turn things right around. I hope this video makes you smile just as much as it did me. Thank you Mr. Sandberg. Thank you and your voice Mr. Casablancas..you're such a fucking Rock Star.

Lets take a trip

I've been seeing some crazy commercials lately. Both online and on T.V. so I decided to try and illustrate a story for you all using a few of them. In honor of World Aids day which is Dec. 1st and Valentines day which is tomorrow I just want to remind everyone to be careful and always practice safe sex. Shout out to my girl Sara Evjen!! She is on her way to an impoverished country somewhere in the world and will soon be spreading the gospel of safe sex and healthy living to those in need. We are all very proud of you Sarita!

So when it all started I was here

I think I read she wanted him to do whatever he wanted except piss in her mouth? Why stop there I say? I assume whatever did happen resembled this.

Apparently The answer was no. Shouts to El Chisme.

Remember kids you need to be safe.

Been there, but for slightly better reasons I think

I don't find this subject funny at all anymore

Now that's all behind me, so it's...

The Prelude

I just spent about an hour writing a post detailing the events of perhaps one of the worst valentines days of all time. It revolved around a story of my ex-girlfriend (or as I like to call her, 145lbs of hell) and I, and I used words like “consummate liar”, and “wholly disappointing”. Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of that fiasco and in my head the story was going to illustrate that Valentines day for me is a crappy holiday not because I’m single this year but because it’s a day built on flawed principals and sucks no matter what. I then wrote a follow-up to it because I felt like I somehow needed to balance out the good feelings I had included in the post going up tomorrow with an expression of my displeasure with the way things ended.

However once I finished, I realized what I had written didn’t sit well with me. I could just post the story, and the part about how she had a new boyfriend before my birthday that year which was only weeks away. But increasing my readership and lashing out aren’t really my goal here. I think my Official Valentines Day post entitled "Think With Your Heart" is a well-done post. It is partly something I dug up and decided to use here because it’s honest and accurate. Harboring feelings of anger and trying to exact revenge are really signs that I’m bitter and I don’t want to be that. More importantly, I was only mad because I made the right choice to walk away once, and got burned by going back on my own promise to myself. If there is anything I hate it’s being a contributor to my own demise. Not to mention I felt in large part that the excitement I once felt would be unmatched. When we first met my ex was still kind of in the stages of finishing her break up from before me. (I guess I should have seen this as a clue for the future) She had tickets to see her most favorite band, and was planning to go with him. However we were in the early stages of our relationship, this being the summer of 2005, and she told me she didn’t really want to go because she’d rather have been with me. I honestly barely knew her, but realized quickly that this wasn’t an insignificant thing. We were friends first so I knew enough to know that she wasn’t just going to choose not to see these guys perform live.

It was when I remembered this story that I decided to scrap the last post because it was then I knew that no matter what happened after that day, she had done a lot to show me she was serious right then and there. I had not done enough to capitalize on that and coupled with my desire not to carry any further into this new year with a now tired story, I came up with this third post. This is also a product of the fact that I have met someone who makes me feel those feelings again. I didn’t think I could, and I know part of me didn’t want to. I’m not afraid because I felt joy ending my last relationship, I didn’t. What worries me is that I may not have any feelings of joy starting my next one. This girl may one day read this so it’s slightly embarrassing, but she knows it is no secret I love her shoe collection nearly as much as mine, and while there’s nothing serious about it right now at all, just knowing there are people in the world I can feel special about it a really big fact for me. I’ve long been a slave to the fear of not being comfortable moving on because I had such strong feelings before. But now I really feel like I can close that chapter and be fine with it.

In closing I’ll have a post for Valentines day, this post today, and that other thing I wrote…I’ll just sit on. Maybe next year I’ll look back at it and be glad I didn’t post it, or maybe I’ll be glad I saved it, and decide to use it then. We will just have to wait and see.

"This is a Throwback"

My roommate's "friend?" is here and he is regaling us with his collection of music, that seems to have been stolen from some pre-teen girl circa 1998. I new God was punishing me when I heard this quote, "Lady Gaga May be the best new artist I've heard in a while!"

F.M.L.