"Heaven Restores you in Life"

There are wars going on in my head that no one is winning. No one will ever win them. I always win, but to me winning often looks like losing feels. It is a selfish sort of victory. Cut off the nose to spite the face. I am a spiteful bastard who wants to always be even with those he deems adversaries. Trouble is when you get "even" with someone who's torn you down everyone just ends up in a flaming wreck. I really don't know how to end this loop but I know I just started cooking with Rosemary and may be my new favorite thing since I discovered twitter #hashtags.

If you're a fan of Interpol you've got to be a bit upset. The group has been hard to follow. Plagued by rumors of turmoil and a revolving door of moving parts, this now Trio is about as consistent as a broken clock. Always right every so often, but with long gaps in between where you're never too sure. Carlos D where are you? I find Interpol strange to write about because the ratio of how much I care about them to how much I like them (The Care:Like quotient) is amazingly small. (1:100ish) I really like them, but know almost nothing about them. They aren't my band, I didn't discover them for myself. I was introduced. And so as such an acquaintance was made I am able to fully enjoy their sad mopey music and feel unaffected by it. Cee-lo belts one ominous chord in the background of a song and all of a sudden I'm in shambles but Paul Banks can drone on all day in that monotone yell of his and I feel just fine. Perhaps it is better this way. I suppose it is important to mention that Interpol is the only thing BJ ever introduced me to I didn't hate. It was actually sad how many things I've later rediscovered that I realize I didn't hate so much, but for some reason if she liked it I HAD to hate it. But never these guys. Perhaps it is a testament to them? By contrast however, I couldn't stand to see a band of mine switch its parts around. D.A. and Max birthed Chester French. If either of them ever left I don't know what I'd do. And trust me Max is just as silent on record as Carlos is but they make their presence felt. Julian Plenti what are you doing here? I swear to christ I would punch Dan Auerbach in the mouth if he came out as Ryan T. Sanders and did a solo project. For the record Serge Tankian did a solo effort which sounded exactly like his System of a Down stuff. When I see him, to be sure there will be words exchanged. Music for me is pretty sacred. I love it, I need it. If you're good at it you're a higher being in my eyes, and if you understand it and/or have a good ear for it then I am more likely to get along with you. Don't come at me with any of this lowest common denominator stuff, these radio records. I want to hear about B-sides and live shows. And his name shall be the remix.
I'm getting back on my feet. Pretty soon I will be a whole year out of surgery and I will be able to really put that chapter of my life behind me. I don't think the timing could be worse. So much of my life, all the boyish thoughts and dreams died even when I wouldn't. I made it through the fire to appear on the otherside without anything or anyone familiar to me. Here I go as always planning to go through my life without an accomplice. No man is an island. Call me Gilligan. I'm not really lost but I know I not a mediocre person doing exceptional things. Quite the opposite. I'm a big ball of potential who has amounted to little or nothing. Maybe now that I'm a bit more isolated I'll be able to start turning the potential into output? Who kn0ws? Everyone I talk to sees someone in me that I don't fully believe is there. I think Mandela was right, fearing not what we cannot do, but that which me are meant to be and all that jazz.
I promise that as soon as I figure out what I'm doing you'll be the first to know. Maybe you can tell me? Comment if you think you know what I'll end up doing with my life! DO IT!!

1 comment:

  1. I hope you sit across the table from Kim Kardishian when she eats that thing again.