I come in Peace...Seeking Gold and Slaves

I’ve been wanting to do a general post for a while, and it occurred to me something quite significant was about to happen. One year ago today, I was in Washington D.C. watching out current president get sworn in. That trip, like so many others I took was poorly planned and even more poorly executed. I nearly took a bus to Baltimore (the part the show, “The Wire” is based on) almost ended up sleeping in the airport, and almost ended up missing my flight home. Of course none of that actually ended up happening, but with me such is life, I’ve just come to expect that I will nearly take a wrong turn every chance I get. I found myself writing the words “Who’s feeling Inagural today?! Many times. And the silly irony of it made me giggle. Though I didn’t expect the first 365 to turn out this poorly for Barack, I’m not disheartened, pardon the pun. He’s still alive and well. Family is safe and happy. I’ve actually benefited from some of his lesser known health care initiatives and will surely benefit from others. So from my narrow point of view I’ve gotten all that my one vote assures me, probably more. That day, on a chilly morning in D.C., I walked around taking in the sights and remember the feeling that even though this was chaotic it was good. I’ve had that feeling a lot lately. I guess when things get chaotic you have to find some way to deal with them.

That the trip wasn’t as well thought out as it could have been, or that I was by myself as I always seem to be when traveling, aren’t really topics for discussion here. Though both of those are of concern to me, I’d rather talk about the year and how it unfolded. My year really consisted of sitting around a lot. After spring break in March of 2009, I think I spent almost the entire year either in my house or a hospital room so there isn’t much for me to talk about. That however, doesn’t apply to anyone else at all really. It was a big year for Kanye West. His Glow in the Dark tour brought his music all over the world and he sold out crowds, sometimes twice in the same city. I think I can honestly say that his album 808’s and Heartbreak may be the most personally relevant piece of music I’ve ever listened to. And thought he hadn’t even released it at the start of his tour That night when I saw him live for the first time remains in contention for BEST NIGHT in my life. I’ve had more meaningful, more important, and more memorable, but that night was the BEST. It simply didn’t disappoint, and if there is one universal truth in this world (or as I call it rule #3) it’s that life will disappoint you. There are two songs that are especially important for me. “See you in my nightmares” is a story about Kanye facing his fate as he opens with the line, “I got my life and it’s my only one/I’ve got the night and I’m running from the sun.” He has powerful lines that can be interpreted many ways, but to me when I was in D.C. I thought of this. I’m not yet in a position to have to balance my commitment to others with the need to do what I want and so I got to witness history that day consequence free, though that isn’t always the case.

And that you know

Tell every one that you know

That I don't love you no more

And that's one thing that you know

That you know...

Okay I'm back up on my grind

You do you and I'm just gone do mine

You do you, cause I'm just gone be fine

Okay I got you out my mind

Kanye is almost talking to himself there as he says goodbye to his selfish ways. This album was largely based on the loss of his mother and him dealing with his “bratty” image. He denounces this love of self and states his recommittal to being a good person and a productive artist. It is easy to be swayed by life’s trauma and drama sometimes but hearing this helped remind me that the time spent away from the grind was supposed to help me forge an identity that could better handle the stress we all face. It feels like the tribulations will tear you down, but really they seem only to build the scar tissue necessary to navigate life’s path.

I'm a monster, I'm a maven

I know this world is changin'

Never gave in, never gave up

I'm the only thing I'm afraid of

No matter what you'll never take that from me

My reign is as far as your eyes can see

This anthem I wish I could have played on loop for those nurses at Regan. (Big shouts to the 7-North CCU Fam!!) "Amazing" is a song I think about while I remember hearing stories that they couldn’t keep me sedated and when I was awake I'd be making ridiculous demands for things like French toast and juice while I had a breathing tube in my throat. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is completely ordinary but for the staff I'm sure it was shocking. I simply don’t know how to be told no. And almost word for word I completely agree with this. (There are things I’m afraid of now but only because Johany is so small, er…young) I’m not sure why I wouldn’t remain sedated, it certainly wasn’t my physical stature. I lost close to 30 lbs while admitted. If I had to guess I’d say it had something to do with my demeanor which is publicly polite and privately impudent. I didn’t give in or give up at any point. I wanted to, A LOT. But never really could. It just didn’t seem right. I knew this was all true one day when I went back to visit my most favorite PICC nurse. She asked if I was ok and I said of course. She seemed nonplussed as she went on to tell me that last she saw “I was looking depressed.” This news shocked me as I had never felt what some might consider depression at all. She told me the doctors always know when something is up when you stop fighting them…I guess I made quite the impression on them. That remains one of my proudest moments to this day. =)

My new pride and joy! Level 10!!

Let me say first off I can’t and won’t post personal photo’s here ever again. If I did I don’t know what would keep me from plastering my god child all over this thing. I stare at her pictures incessantly. It’s ridiculous. I am beyond excited about seeing her soon and I’ve already become a “diva dad” regarding her. So NO, your sons and nephews may Not meet her even if they are only in Pre-School. Perhaps when she is 20 or 30 I’ll teach her what a boy even is. Secondly after watching a rerun of “Keeping Up” I’ve realized THERE. IS. NOTHING. I. WON’T. WATCH. KIM. KARDASHIAN. DO. Test me, please. I’ve already seen her practice making babies, and I’d watch her birth one if she ever did. There’s something about the affect in her voice, the questioning tone, the way you could swear she is a complete moron…is it weird I like that? Thought not. At any rate Sirs Bel, Biv, and Devoe once said, “Never trust a big butt and smile” And wouldn’t you know it my favorite thing about my ex are exactly those things…don’t worry, we BBM’ed about it the other night and she is actually proud of that fact. But this really brings me to my main point, my taste in women must be flawed. I’ve just admitted that fairly dumb, curvaceous, and grinning are what do it for me. Yet I’ve always seen myself as a Claire Huxtable type of guy; Intelligent, beautiful, strong, and funny. I seem to be settling for the quick fix and not pressing forward, demanding more. You of course could chalk that up to my youth, but even still I hope this doesn’t persist. I only bring this all up because new photo’s have surfaced of the OctoMom in a two piece. Lordy lordy, after 8 kids she looks…good? Can I say that, does it surprise you, scare you, offend you? I understand both her body and the photo have had some work done but still. I worked at a gym (pronounced: Meat Market) and that’s not your average. More on this later but for now...

I'm just sayin...

Oh and Big shout out to my man downstairs whose dog WILL NOT shut up until after 3:30 AM. Much love man. I'm just amazed YOU'RE not as upset about the dog barking at all hours as the rest of us are.

Happy New Year!!!



"éste es todo el una mentira"

What's in the News?

I don’t know how to stop being angry. For my whole life I’ve always been caught up on the difference between right and wrong. But as a kid I had little or no ownership of anything so seldom did I personally have to confront the emotions that unjust acts wrought. As an adult, things are quite different; I’m in a constant state of trying to detach my personal feelings from situations in hopes that I can keep my blood pressure down. The other tough thing is that when I fail to keep myself from feeling some personal offense by acts whether directed at me or not, I still have the secondary task of preventing myself from taking any action. Action, action, action…I can only compare my struggle to having hold of a brick and life being a constant stream windows adorned with Palin 2012 stickers (If that happens then the Mayans were spot on I say). It’s as if this world is begging me to introduce a brick to its forehead. The guys behind me in Con Law who won’t shut up every class, or the lady in front of me who refuses to drive more than 34 mph in a 35 mph zone, and then of course there’s my family...my lovely family. Indifference is no fun yet everyone seems to preach it. Live a good life and do better. Take the high road. Turn the other cheek- What a bunch of CRAP.

All these suggestions deny one simple truth, Happiness and the pursuit therein is of major concern for most every man woman and child on this Earth. And happiness for us sometimes is the direction we were looking. Turning my cheek means I must find a secondary happiness in this new direction I’ve been told to look. The high road is out of my way sometimes. And maybe, just maybe, I was already living well. I hate that there isn’t advice that doesn’t preclude me from enjoying the happiness I had settled upon before any disruption occured. Where’s the prophet saying, “Stand up for yourself”, “If someone comes between you and happiness, knock them out of the way”, or “there’s no bad time for a beatdown!” (I guess you could say Michael Wilbon is that man) I know many people say taking out your anger won’t make you happier, or two wrongs don’t equal a right, but who said anything about right? I just want reasonable. I mean if we can recognize that someone’s actions are harmful to another, then what’s right has already been cast aside. That victim was in hot pursuit of happiness I’m sure but now some other actor has come and prevented that, perhaps irreparably. So now you’d ask this victim to remain in support of what is “right”. What nonsense. All this I feel has been beautifully illustrated by last weeks series of Tonight Show episodes hosted by Mr. Conan O’Brien.

For those of us who’ve been paying any attention to the late night drama that is unfolding before us then you may well know that Conan O’Brien, this generations late night TV host of note, is being forced out of his spot at NBC. The story regarding Conan and how he got this spot in the first place won’t be rehashed here, but suffice it to say, he was promised his shot at hosting the Tonight Show 5 years ago and within months of taking the helm, he has been materially forced out. The reason that there is an argument is because Conan has ratings far below that of his predecessor (and successor?) Jay Leno. Leno however took over on the heels of Johnny Carson and used that wave of momentum to build a fan base, known today as “my parents”. Conan has the appeal the future late night viewing audience wants and is roundly hated by most people older than 35, yet the only reason Leno has higher ratings is because he has had decades to build up a viewer ship. Moreover people in my generation don’t even really know the value of good late night TV mainly because the likes of Jay Leno have killed what was once a storied franchise. We don’t have nearly the same interest in it as people who were able to see the program in its heyday.

I’m going to contradict a future post of mine and for one second briefly mention that in 2004 when Conan signed on to be the successor to the Tonight Show he was given a raise of nearly $4 Million USD…per year. So to feel bad for a man making $8 Million bucks a year is hard to do, but trust me if ever there was an instance, it is this. Perhaps the most devastating negotiating tactic of all in this mess is that amid massive losses in revenue, and lagging in the ratings, NBC has sacrificed its own reputation just to reap the higher ratings. SNL, Late Night, and really anyone on NBC who can boost their ratings by making light of the situation are being allowed to. Why else would they invite ABC funny man Jimmy Kimmel onto Leno’s own 10 @ 10 to then eviscerate him to his face? Notice also that the proposed move of the Tonight Show to 12:05 hardly raised an eyebrow. Where NFL and MLB purists decreed the movement of their championship matches later into the year, there seem to be no late night TV fans that are upset with NBC for even thinking of moving the show. NBC has no shame it seems and the $35 Million or so they will most likely pay Conan and his staff is a pittance compared to the reported $60 million they would have owed him simply to just leave before any of this started 7 months ago. As many very intelligent people have pointed out, NBC exec Jeff Zucker seems to be making a short sighted move as Leno is nearing his 60th birthday. What will become of the Tonight Show when he does step down? Will he “Bret Favre” the situation and torment us all with a protracted standoff?

It's Official

Even those within the industry are known to dislike Leno for a variety of reasons. Most of Conan’s fans aren’t even home at 11:30 PM on weeknights, and if they are, the likelihood that they’re in some sort of pre or post coital fog is highly likely. His problem with ratings has more to do with lack of appeal to middle aged Midwesterners and his high brow comedy, than lack of talent. Nevertheless the story here is more about Conan and his options than what caused him to be in this situation. There is some conspiracy about whether he was simply fast tracked, presuming he would fail, just to avoid the payout. True or not, and no matter that original amount, Conan today is now set to be $35 Million richer. (the actual number depends on how long he stays off the air reportedly.) Not bad for a days work. The monologues Conan has been delivering however are masterful. He is blatantly ripping NBC, his bosses, and Leno all on company time. And what’s best about all this is that NBC is continuing to broadcast him night after night. Either way I have great respect and admiration for him. Conan wrote a smart, respectful, well thought out letter explaining the matter earlier this week, but when the lights were on and he was on air, he pulled no punches. I can’t imagine more than two days went by consecutively without Conan reminding us that this has been his life dream, and that he wanted nothing more than to live up to the storied franchise of which he was now a part. Sad is not what I feel. I’m glad he got a chance to stand up and throw his tantrum. I think those that watched him would say he was amazing in his sorrow over losing the show and though some would say he should have left it alone after issuing the statement, to them I say “I cannot wait to kick you in your teeth” because that’s basically what they’re asking him to accept NBC doing to him. Those high road idealists really get under my skin. I am impatient, and I am brash, but what I am not is a doormat. It warms my heart to see Conan go out the door at NBC with money in hand AND dignity intact. Bravo Conan. Bravo.

I’ve seen nearly every single one of Jimmy Fallon’s shows and to be honest he has come a long way in just his first season. No one on T.V. is more integrated into the show with hands on performances, and the way he commands the Roots deep and nearly limitless musical talent make him my best bet for a possible replacement. Not to mention access to A-list guests can’t hurt his show. But none of this really strikes me as what’s going to happen. If I were a gambling man (and I am!) my money is on Conan to make a Seth McFarlane like return to the “peacock” and not only command stupid amounts of money but to also lead the return of Late Night greatness at NBC. I can feel it almost! It just makes the most sense. I think they’ll both learn they need to other more than they realize. The picture at the top of this post is special to me. I found it thinking I could use it for a more personal post, but in the end it is a completely candid photo, of unposed people that very literally illustrates the situation Conan faces. We all only live once, and I'm a strong advocate of anyone doing what they can to ensure that this go 'round is their best because we've no guarantee of the length of this one, or certainty of another.

I was thinking to myself this could be Heaven or this could be Hell

Home for the Holidays

So I broke down and decided I’m coming home in a few weeks. I had been scheduled to be home for a check up in the middle of January but I was like a baby newly sprung from his diaper. The sheer joy and unencumbered freedom I felt being out on my own again was enough to put a smile on my face in veritable perpetuity! Alas I must admit it’s time to return, just for a pit stop. I always get the same good news so I don’t worry about going more than a month without a stop into the doctor. I must admit this avoiding germs thing is kind of like playing a never-ending game of Deal or no Deal. It isn’t hard; it’s just tiring. Day after day I pick box after hypothetical box every time I go out into the public. And the real rub in all this is that the million dollar case is represented by my stasis. My state of not being sick is its own reward, and that is all I have to play for. Treading water with no way out of the pool… my what a tangent this has become. Good grief JT calm down.

There was much good news to be had this week. The University of Phoenix where 7=10 came through in the clutch and by virtue of their classes being on the semester set up, the 7 credits I took with them equaled 10.5 quarter credits here at the U of O. AWESOME! I’m painfully close to the end of this whole ordeal so I’m as always everywhere and nowhere all at once.

I LOVE the outlet the Wet Bean & Cheese is affording me. It really is the best substitute for a therapist I could ask for. However I do want to make sure I’m catering to my readers needs. And what a shy bunch you all are. I’ve had 2 comments in the last 17 posts. That’s not many and I do enjoy feedback, both good and bad. I have been able to post about 3 or 4 times a week, which right now is a good amount for my taste but is it too much? Is it not enough? My inkling now is to balance between posting too much at one time and waiting so long before posting that topics aren’t relevant. The post on Haiti is an example of me pushing something forward to keep it relevant. At any rate be on the look out for some new stuff soon. More topical essays, more videos, and most of all, more hate. I find that my writing voice comes through most clearly when I disparage things so be on the look out for my thoughts on driving, first impressions, my choice in women, and more. check out the Tunes at the bottom of the post. They are currently my favorite Finnish Indie Electro group ever!

Helsinki 78-82 - Cruisin by TOP BILLIN

"This is a Throwback"

My roommate's "friend?" is here and he is regaling us with his collection of music, that seems to have been stolen from some pre-teen girl circa 1998. I new God was punishing me when I heard this quote, "Lady Gaga May be the best new artist I've heard in a while!"


Mwen di ou messie nou menti

Something terrible happened in Haiti just the other day. Oh, and there was an earthquake as well. Tuesday brought the walls crumbling down in a republic that was already in tatters. The simple fact that people have begun an outpouring of support shows just how fad conscious this country really is. Haiti has long been a deeply impoverished nation. I was going to have a section roughly titled something like: The person Least deserving of their space here on earth; or the PLDOTSHOE of the week if you will. But I’ve since decided that anyone who can make it one day on this wretched rock without being raped, murdered, or volcanoed to death deserves the next day given them.

Life is hard and there is no reason to take anything away from anyone. Haiti in particular with its 60% literacy rate, average yearly income of $560 USD, and overall lack of access to modern day amenities; it’s no small wonder why they were hit so hard by this devastating natural disaster. So don’t mistake me for a Pat Robertson disciple when I say I feel no motivation to assist in this humanitarian effort. I’ve long been a fan of Wyclef Jean and have supported and donated to his efforts on that island for years now. And while this effort is much needed, I think the motivation for our government has as much to do with a need to avoid another scenario in which they’re perceived to be sitting on their hands ala’ Katrina as anything. While our citizens are just caught up in the hype of another trending topic, please believe that no matter what happens, Post-Katrina New Orleans will be just like Haiti in that once the relief efforts have come to a halt, and people turn their attention elsewhere, those who live there will be again forgotten, left with the same substandard conditions they had to begin with…if they’re lucky. You don’t believe me? Ask the folks in Sri Lanka or Samoa, anyone remember the tsunami in Singapore? The woman whose fiancé was taken from her that day does.

Yele Haiti

So please, text, call, send help, GO if you can; do whatever you can to help these people and others. But don’t stop when the fervor ends. Too often these tropical places are only salvaged because they are vacation spots but the indigenous people are largely uncared for. Don’t do it because I said so, do it because it’s right; Let us remember, I’m not talking to you.

Fantastic Advice

I’ve been interested to see what other people think is important for the future. In a time when so little ahead of us is certain, the best we can do, is try to enjoy today. The future is not guaranteed to arrive, and I find that little or nothing many people do is geared towards seeing it anyway. So the disconnect seems to be we are living a life today, trying to build a better tomorrow, and like trying to stand with one foot in two separate boats, slowly but surely the gap between now and later has widened to a point that makes our balance tenuous. There are some who plow ahead and hope that when they pop up at some later date, they will be where they want to be. As far as I’m concerned I feel many people choose instead to mortgage what’s to come, and instead indulge themselves today.

Here’s the rub… I don’t know what anything is, where anything comes from, or why anything happens. So what am doing trying to make plans? If anything, my transplant taught me that just because you follow conventional wisdom, doesn’t mean you won’t end up having some Raven Simone sized wrench thrown in your plans. This doesn’t mean that plans are useless. It just means specifying your planning only narrows the range of scenarios in which that plan will be of any use. I don’t know if I made it clear enough in my introductory post, but I have no misconception that what I say is right, or even appropriate. But to read some of the words uttered with what I’m sure is a confidence near my own or more, it can be scary to see how far off we can be with our predictions.

In 1943, Thomas Watson the Chairman of IBM said, “I think there is a world market for maybe 5 computers” Considering I myself own 3, its tough to say he knew what he was talking about. But I am certain he wasn’t being brash, or trying to make some sort of grand proclamation. I think he really just thought that. 1943!!!! James Dean was already 12 and World War II was nearly over. At the guy who ran a computer company didn’t think he could sell more than 5 computers!!! Lord Kelvin in 1897 said that “Radio has no future.” Now just think, its 1897…the simple fact you even HAVE a radio is a miracle. So to say it exists but will die out is ridiculous by today’s standard. However the readership of this blog and others like it are unique. We are the first generation to grow up with operating systems, and experience technology evolving before our eyes. Our parents never had to do software updates on their phones. When new technology came out, it was like going from a Game Boy to the app store on an iPhone. Surely they have the same purpose, but to say they are even close to the same device is just absurd.

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." - The Editor in Charge of Business Books for Prentice Hall, 1957

This last quote is specifically interesting because 1957 was a year in which many of our parents were already born. I have two friends who work in the debt consolidation field, a multibillion dollar a year industry. Surely data processing is a large part of their jobs and like the quotes before it, this one takes a technology that is designed to make life easier and eschews it as garbage. What must Mr. Ford have felt like with that silly Model-T I wonder? However there are two things I take away from all this.

1) This sort of dismissal still happens today.

2) There is some truth to what these quotes are saying.

You have to understand the question asked of these quotee’s to know what I mean. When Lord Kelvin says radio has no future. He didn’t mean radio was useless. It’s just that in the world he lived in, there wasn’t a use for a radio. There was no 1xtra, no Clear Channel, no FCC, and certainly no Rick Dee’s. So no, radio was a horse without a jockey at that point. Ironically we are once again at a point in which the popular sentiment is that radio is dead, and the advent of satellite broadcast seems to make the more of reality that it was even then when Lord Kelvin said it. I’m sure at the time, all these quotes seemed like perfectly reasonable things to say. The problem is that there is no way to know what the future holds. When Twitter was founded in 2006 I remember thinking it had no practical application and that it was mostly useless. Little did I know it would turn out to be a social phenomenon that transcended everyday life for millions of Americans. So yes I was right, as of now the company still makes only marginal profits. The estimate is that it brings in about $1.6 Million dollars a year. Split between its roughly 80 employees and considering Jimmy Fallon himself has over 2.7 Million followers, the profit ratio is anemic at best.

[Also consider that Kim Kardashian could conceivably make $3.65 million in Ad revenue this year simply by tweeting once a day. Based on her $10,000/tweet deal with ad.ly]

You can't be Serious!!

However I was also quite wrong. This cultural phenomena has absolutely changed American culture and though it didn’t have a purpose in 2006, in 4 short years it has found a niche, a use, and most of all a following. So yes the radio didn’t have a future. But only in the sense that as things stood, there was no way it could work.

What I wonder now then is what do we devoutly believe today will never happen that actually will? I think it would be easy to try and make a prediction that would surely never come true, so instead what is a prediction that will definitely come to fruition, though now it seems impossible?

What's a Star without it's #1 Fan?

So I know it’s dumb, but I had no idea cats purred. I mean I know they do, but I didn’t know it could just happen. I thought they only made noises in response to stimuli? Well not Waffles. She purrs at me in what amounts to almost a low growl and the first time I heard it, I thought it was my stomach. Both my laptop and Waffles were on my lap and at the time I thought there was a problem with my computer. Apparently she purrs when she wants you to pet her. It’s like a hint, “hey buddy, I would be purring if you would rub my back.” It’s beginning to become a problem. I think we are going to break up soon.

1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy.

2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland. So we're fine with you picking up the tab. And after about three thousand dinners at Nobu, we should be even.

3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.

4. Women remember everything. Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend Cathy's pink top, which was big on her because Cathy is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Jack and Coke with two straws, and talking to Bill, that mutual friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod. This still infuriates her. ("How could you give me the nod?")

5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.

6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.) You have two options: Tie yourself to a tree and wait out the storm, or stock up at Tiffany's, toss a blue box or two into the wind, and hope for the best. We recommend the latter. (The key chain doesn't count.)

7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.

8. "Hey, Melissa, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Brian Dennehy in that dress." Surprisingly good pickup line.

9. Women hear better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.

10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.

As told to Esquire by Alyssa Milano

Thank you Alyssa, that was a mostly informative and spot on break down of women from what I can tell. Although #2 is laughable because I doubt she has so much seen a cabbage patch let alone worked in a rice paddy, or picked a head of corn.

Esta casa é minha casa

Casa Kimball looks like a place I’d like to live. It’s tropical, the lines are fairly symmetrical, and the size seems like it could accommodate me, and those of my ilk easily. It’s a far cry from where I am today, but hopefully not far from where I end up. It’s interesting being 5 years into a 4 year journey. The familiar faces have long since vanished here on campus and the daily struggles seem less challenging. There is a 4 day weekend ahead of me so for those with real jobs I will enjoy it on your behalf…as I read up on the U.S. Constitution and try to get some headway in my Sports Law class. Both of these classes bring me to realize how much I enjoy learning about the respective fields but how little I actually want to work in them. If I don’t end up as a Pol or a sports agent, I have no clue what I will be. I know I’ve been speaking about becoming and Astronaut lately but STS-129 was the last successful shuttle flight until the new space program is unveiled and with a cost of roughly $1.3 Billion USD/launch it is unlikely most of the 5 remaining scheduled flights will take off this year.

Speaking of home, I had a place I called home for about 3 months this past year and I am melancholy about leaving it. Part of me wants to move back into Ronald Regan Medical center, and go back to my room that could easily have been a $900/month studio apartment in Century city and just never leave. Those nights I spent waiting were relatively stress free. There are no expectations of a sick kid, and when I was there I was the star of the show. Waiting is easy for me. Mainly because it really only consists of sitting and sleeping. Two things I am adept at. There was a certain kind of perfection that those days had that I don’t think a return trip would provide so I try not to reminisce, but the more I think about it, the more I’m sure that I was the happiest person ever on an organ transplant waiting list. If not for the people around me, then definitely for the life lessons I learned.


On my computer I literally keep a folder with just pictures of food. Everyone who knows me, knows shoes excite me, but food is like jet fuel for my productivity. Just the sight of these meals is enough to get me out of bed. It's like pure, uncut, raw, Motivation.

Jan. 9, 2010

So my new girlfriend is a cat. She is so much like other women I've dated that in the wake of all I've been through it's scary. My roommate Ariana has a cat named Waffles, and I've never lived with a cat before so all her mannerisms are new to me. Basically it is this: When she wants my time she will have it, or if she needs attention she will have it. My space is her space, and it is implied that if I'm eating something she may inquire about it, and possibly taste some of it...But if you had shown me this 2 weeks ago I would have thought you were referring to any girl I've dated, not my new feline friend. It's also worrisome, because when Waffles assumes her spot on my lap and almost knowingly knudges my hand with her face to get me to pet her, I do feel like I should. I don't know why but when she meows at me, It's hard to ignore her. Hmm, there is something so enchanting about both women and cats that if you aren't careful you will find yourself at their beck and call. I try so hard not to fall into this cycle but there is just something I find alluring about that sense of entitlement. It is a bad habit, with any luck Waffles helps teach me to break that spell.

I suppose it's as simple as this. She knows that her wiles will get her what she wants, and for me I'll always be wanted. Who said relationships had to be healthy anyway.

Jan. 5, 2010

I have way too many pics to upload. In an effort to liberate my desktop im going to go away from type and instead of giving you guys a few hundred words of my drivel, instead I will give you this.
Coolest kid in class.
Lilly has an accent, knows good music, and rocks J's... she's #nearlytheperfectwoman
She has Sexy time..and it's always right within arms reach.
Un-Thinkably Hot
He gets it.

If you're mad right now I'm sooo not talking to you.
I'll be back in CA in #NOTIMEFLAT as long is this is what I have to look forward to. Great Googly Moogly!

That's hilarious. I love and respect anyone who has as much disdain for what other people think as I have.
He had the right idea. #shakethemhatersoff
If I drank this would be the official drink of my blog.