I come in Peace...Seeking Gold and Slaves

I’ve been wanting to do a general post for a while, and it occurred to me something quite significant was about to happen. One year ago today, I was in Washington D.C. watching out current president get sworn in. That trip, like so many others I took was poorly planned and even more poorly executed. I nearly took a bus to Baltimore (the part the show, “The Wire” is based on) almost ended up sleeping in the airport, and almost ended up missing my flight home. Of course none of that actually ended up happening, but with me such is life, I’ve just come to expect that I will nearly take a wrong turn every chance I get. I found myself writing the words “Who’s feeling Inagural today?! Many times. And the silly irony of it made me giggle. Though I didn’t expect the first 365 to turn out this poorly for Barack, I’m not disheartened, pardon the pun. He’s still alive and well. Family is safe and happy. I’ve actually benefited from some of his lesser known health care initiatives and will surely benefit from others. So from my narrow point of view I’ve gotten all that my one vote assures me, probably more. That day, on a chilly morning in D.C., I walked around taking in the sights and remember the feeling that even though this was chaotic it was good. I’ve had that feeling a lot lately. I guess when things get chaotic you have to find some way to deal with them.

That the trip wasn’t as well thought out as it could have been, or that I was by myself as I always seem to be when traveling, aren’t really topics for discussion here. Though both of those are of concern to me, I’d rather talk about the year and how it unfolded. My year really consisted of sitting around a lot. After spring break in March of 2009, I think I spent almost the entire year either in my house or a hospital room so there isn’t much for me to talk about. That however, doesn’t apply to anyone else at all really. It was a big year for Kanye West. His Glow in the Dark tour brought his music all over the world and he sold out crowds, sometimes twice in the same city. I think I can honestly say that his album 808’s and Heartbreak may be the most personally relevant piece of music I’ve ever listened to. And thought he hadn’t even released it at the start of his tour That night when I saw him live for the first time remains in contention for BEST NIGHT in my life. I’ve had more meaningful, more important, and more memorable, but that night was the BEST. It simply didn’t disappoint, and if there is one universal truth in this world (or as I call it rule #3) it’s that life will disappoint you. There are two songs that are especially important for me. “See you in my nightmares” is a story about Kanye facing his fate as he opens with the line, “I got my life and it’s my only one/I’ve got the night and I’m running from the sun.” He has powerful lines that can be interpreted many ways, but to me when I was in D.C. I thought of this. I’m not yet in a position to have to balance my commitment to others with the need to do what I want and so I got to witness history that day consequence free, though that isn’t always the case.

And that you know

Tell every one that you know

That I don't love you no more

And that's one thing that you know

That you know...

Okay I'm back up on my grind

You do you and I'm just gone do mine

You do you, cause I'm just gone be fine

Okay I got you out my mind

Kanye is almost talking to himself there as he says goodbye to his selfish ways. This album was largely based on the loss of his mother and him dealing with his “bratty” image. He denounces this love of self and states his recommittal to being a good person and a productive artist. It is easy to be swayed by life’s trauma and drama sometimes but hearing this helped remind me that the time spent away from the grind was supposed to help me forge an identity that could better handle the stress we all face. It feels like the tribulations will tear you down, but really they seem only to build the scar tissue necessary to navigate life’s path.

I'm a monster, I'm a maven

I know this world is changin'

Never gave in, never gave up

I'm the only thing I'm afraid of

No matter what you'll never take that from me

My reign is as far as your eyes can see

This anthem I wish I could have played on loop for those nurses at Regan. (Big shouts to the 7-North CCU Fam!!) "Amazing" is a song I think about while I remember hearing stories that they couldn’t keep me sedated and when I was awake I'd be making ridiculous demands for things like French toast and juice while I had a breathing tube in my throat. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is completely ordinary but for the staff I'm sure it was shocking. I simply don’t know how to be told no. And almost word for word I completely agree with this. (There are things I’m afraid of now but only because Johany is so small, er…young) I’m not sure why I wouldn’t remain sedated, it certainly wasn’t my physical stature. I lost close to 30 lbs while admitted. If I had to guess I’d say it had something to do with my demeanor which is publicly polite and privately impudent. I didn’t give in or give up at any point. I wanted to, A LOT. But never really could. It just didn’t seem right. I knew this was all true one day when I went back to visit my most favorite PICC nurse. She asked if I was ok and I said of course. She seemed nonplussed as she went on to tell me that last she saw “I was looking depressed.” This news shocked me as I had never felt what some might consider depression at all. She told me the doctors always know when something is up when you stop fighting them…I guess I made quite the impression on them. That remains one of my proudest moments to this day. =)

My new pride and joy! Level 10!!

Let me say first off I can’t and won’t post personal photo’s here ever again. If I did I don’t know what would keep me from plastering my god child all over this thing. I stare at her pictures incessantly. It’s ridiculous. I am beyond excited about seeing her soon and I’ve already become a “diva dad” regarding her. So NO, your sons and nephews may Not meet her even if they are only in Pre-School. Perhaps when she is 20 or 30 I’ll teach her what a boy even is. Secondly after watching a rerun of “Keeping Up” I’ve realized THERE. IS. NOTHING. I. WON’T. WATCH. KIM. KARDASHIAN. DO. Test me, please. I’ve already seen her practice making babies, and I’d watch her birth one if she ever did. There’s something about the affect in her voice, the questioning tone, the way you could swear she is a complete moron…is it weird I like that? Thought not. At any rate Sirs Bel, Biv, and Devoe once said, “Never trust a big butt and smile” And wouldn’t you know it my favorite thing about my ex are exactly those things…don’t worry, we BBM’ed about it the other night and she is actually proud of that fact. But this really brings me to my main point, my taste in women must be flawed. I’ve just admitted that fairly dumb, curvaceous, and grinning are what do it for me. Yet I’ve always seen myself as a Claire Huxtable type of guy; Intelligent, beautiful, strong, and funny. I seem to be settling for the quick fix and not pressing forward, demanding more. You of course could chalk that up to my youth, but even still I hope this doesn’t persist. I only bring this all up because new photo’s have surfaced of the OctoMom in a two piece. Lordy lordy, after 8 kids she looks…good? Can I say that, does it surprise you, scare you, offend you? I understand both her body and the photo have had some work done but still. I worked at a gym (pronounced: Meat Market) and that’s not your average. More on this later but for now...

I'm just sayin...

Oh and Big shout out to my man downstairs whose dog WILL NOT shut up until after 3:30 AM. Much love man. I'm just amazed YOU'RE not as upset about the dog barking at all hours as the rest of us are.

Happy New Year!!!



"éste es todo el una mentira"

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Love you're writing style.

    Even if I voted for McCain and think Kanye West is a raving lunatic.

    You kept me interested.

    But I must say, not all women with big asses are dumb.

    I had to say that in my defence, because I have one, and I like to think I'm a relatively, semi-intelligent person.

    Anywho, I hadn't seen those pics of the Octo-Mom. That's just crazy. I hope I look that good after having ONE baby.

    By the way, if you don't mind my asking, what happened this year that caused you to be in the hospital and aquire that scar?