Walking on A dream



I just saw 21 grams and it made me miss my nurses. I didn't have it nearly as good as this guy but I suppose at least I didn't come out with a chemical dependency either so fair is fair. The movie is scarily reminiscent of my experience in that Sean Penn's character is in a weird position with his lady friend. The circumstances bring them together and the director did a great job of portraying an accurate depiction of what things are like for such a couple. The movie overall disturbed me largely because the characters take a mental and emotional spiral that is merely there to facilitate the rest of the movie. I don't know what I would do if I met the widow of my donor and she was smokin' hot but the wall of emotion would be substantial to say the least.

But whatever, Benicio Del Toro did his thing, the sex scene actually was pretty good, and the movie was super interesting and well done. Kudo's. I wish I was as good at ANYTHING as those people are at acting. Each of the 3 main characters each had a scene where they blew me away with their skill. I can't say enough good things so I will just move on.
The nurses are what is important. I have so much love for the women (and men) that helped keep me up and running that I ache not having seen them. I need them and they need me. It is outrageous that we've been apart so long. Jennifer and her new baby, My "personal PICC nurse" and the two son's she will never let out of her sight, and of course my BFF Forever, Nanoor with baby Henry, are all back home loving life I am sure just as I am, but what we had was special and I miss it. I guess I can tell you now since I already told my dad, but it should come as no surprise that I am considering doing something dumb. I want to switch my care back to UCLA medical. The nurses, the techs, and most importantly my surgeon are all still there and of course the people whose job it is to keep me from needing to see them are somewhere else. So I am very seriously thinking of FIRING my current staff. I find it hilarious I have doctors that work for me and that I could fire someone so much smarter and more qualified than I. BUT I'M GONNA! Especially if shit ain't on Point when I come home in a few weeks.

How about this for news while I'm at it. I want to do a full sleeve on my right arm now. As in Tinta para el brazo! I'm trying to gather ideas for a tatoo that will go from shoulder to wrist so if you have any good ones please find a way to get them to me. It's not a for sure thing and would wait until I could get to a good artist anyway so no rush. And if you're anti this idea then don't worry there is still plenty of time for me to lose my arm in a bear trap so you're covered too.


This summer is going to be very important for me because as I see it, this could be the last time I go to any shows for a long time. MIA, NERD, and Empire of the Sun will all be in L.A. and I just don't know what I can see that will top those guys in the near future so I might as well retire right? Empire of the Sun for the uninitiated, are a band from Australia and they sound a lot like MGMT. I'm most excited about MIA, but Empire of the Sun is special because I've not shared them with anyone yet. I saw NERD with Ex#3 so the memory of them is kinda tainted until I can see them again and the same goes for Gnarls Barkley, Chester French, and anything involving Josh Homme strangely. So I need to see Empire because it will be a pure experience. The Black Keys, Gorillaz, basically the core of who I am musically was all shown and now I don't have a single headliner band I really love that isn't tainted with her stink. Dramatic I know but it's really simple. Imagine the most perfect meal possible and now imagine a fly just to the side of that plate. Not touching your food, and quite dead. That meal is hot and ready (or cold if it's sushi) but you are going to eat it with less zeal now for just that one small reason. So as you can see, I am very weird about music and when I start to talk about a band with you, It's like sharing a part of me. Nevertheless it just makes me all the more excited to see a big time act like them live. The sound is unique, but the look even more so. Lots of intricate costumes and makeup go into everything they do and it makes me wonder what life would be like if I ever experimented with psychedelics. Speaking of which...


It is time now for yet another unsolicited story about my time in the hospital:

So the movie 21 grams reminded me of another movie, Across the Universe. And one funny thing about this movie is that there is a dance scene revolving around the use of morphine and the dreams it gives you. Let me go ahead and tell you that me and my good friend Fentanyl went through some hellacious dreams together but I am not sure I'd change things if I could. And my dreams definitely didn't involve half a dozen Salma Hayeks in my room so this guy was getting a great deal on his physcadelics I would say. One such dream is really beyond description it was a horror themed dream but only in the sense that it was dark and there was fear in the air. But so was I.

I was in some sort of M.C. Escher type room where the stairs ran up the walls and I just kind of floated to the top of each flight instead of walking. I felt like I was underwater but everything was lit with torches. I had the same dream each time I went to bed while on this drug which is what made things so weird. Instead of a random part of my subconscious leaking out, instead I was seeing something almost scripted? The details are kind of irrelevant only because there are so many. Not only did I see everthing clear as day while asleep, I retained the images when I woke up and can even now pretty much tell you what was happening and what things looked like. This never happens with natural dreams and I think that's a good thing. Point is..lets all say a prayer of thanks that I am not addicted to this wonder drug, because I will be honest. Fentanyl is a helluva drug.
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Now for some women whom I do NOT love.
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