Ask me how I feel about something and chances are I “Hate” it.
You name it, I hate it.
I hate so many things that I often refer to things I hate as things I love instead, because I just don’t want to wear out the term. Never trust anyone who says they don’t like the word hate. They’re either in denial or don’t know what hate is all about…yet. If you ask me, Hate is great! I kinda enjoy the feeling I get hating something for the first time. And there are varying degree’s of hate to enjoy as well. Like fine wine, I often find myself remarking candidly, it’s been so long since I’ve had hate like this. Yet hate isn’t all there is to talk about.
Hate and Hating, they’re two different things. Hate is, “to have a strong aversion to, or feel intense and passionate dislike towards” You can hate something without hating on it. A good rule of thumb is this: If you had the opportunity to save this thing from a fire using only battery acid (would that even work?), you still wouldn’t, that’s hate. But if you just like making rude or disparaging comments about something then you’re hating. Generally speaking Traffic is something you hate and Boy bands are something you hate on.
Lets also make one thing clear, we are all haters. At one time or another I believe it is intrinsic in us all to be haters. The coolest people I know are haters. Kids are haters, grandparents are haters, women are haters, and men can hate too. To not hate is to have an attachment so untied with society or a comfort within one’s own skin so great, that nothing anyone else does or has could bother you. It’s a level of emotional docility that few if any humans have.
I want to emphasize that hating is a verb, an action, whereas to hate is a feeling or an adjective. English doesn’t lend itself to such fine variations so forgive any confusion but always remember that often conceit can be the root cause of hating so Hating can be considered the inverse of Conceit. Would you like to know the difference between Jennifer Anniston and Courtney Cox? Well, one has haters and the other stars in Cougar Town, Wednesdays 8:30/9:30 CT on ABC! This is an important distinction because if you think there is any tangible difference between the two then you are mistaken. We all know Ms. Cox-Arquette is the less cute, brunette version of Jen, so what fun is it to hate on her? Life has already dealt her a hand not unlike our own. T.V. millions be damned, she has to go down in history as the 4th place finisher in the cute race on friends. Yes I know there were only 3 women. She’s behind Jen, Lisa Kudrow and Matt Leblanc. (It’s ok, I said it so you wouldn’t have to.)
Point is, hating on someone isn’t just a reflection of their accomplishments relevant to our own. It you hate on anyone who happens to have a better stake in life than you…then you’re bitter. So how is it that we come to hate you ask? It’s simple. Hating is an equal and opposite reaction to the amount someone has versus how much they deserve. So the first rule of hating is that you can never hate on someone for something which you don’t value. If I find out some guy is getting hooked up with an endless supply of Swedish Fish, or left handed scissors, or Maxi Pads, it’s doubtful I’ll flinch at that because those are things I have little use for and wouldn’t buy with Bill Gates’ wallet. Now alternately if I find out someone has been hired to be Kim Kardashians personal Bra and underwear shopper whose only job is to accompany her on trips to Vicki’s and help her try them on, please believe NO ONE, will ever be deserving of that job more than me. Now my natural aversion to hating will preclude me from hating out loud, but alone, in my own thoughts, I’d be hating my ass off, GUARANTEED.
Hating is fun for us. No one gets hurt and everyone goes home happy. But hating is a strange thing. There is something that compels us to look at a complete stranger and decide something about them or what they’re doing makes us dislike them enough to tell them or other people about it, even when it has no effect whatsoever. We hate all day and all night. TMZ, Radar Online, and even Twitter are all mechanisms we use to hate on the rich or simply famous. Part of it is access I’m sure. In this Internet era we live in, there are many opportunities to make known what grievances we wish to redress and with which Celebs we take issue. Can you imagine trying to hate on Eddie Murphy in the 80’s? How on earth would you ever start? Short of buying a billboard across from his hotel when he stopped in your city on his world tour; or spreading some rumor to the news about how leather body suits were causing AIDS breakouts; there was almost no tangible way to tell him or anyone but your hairdresser/barber how much he annoyed you. Perhaps it’s just coincidence that he started doing Dr. Doolittle around the same time the internet became a viable communication tool. Because those movies suck and we ALL know about it even though we’ve probably never seen one.
Today’s entry in the things I love column is...
I thought I'd start off nice and easy with an obvious choice. The close relative of yoga pants, spandies, and tights. Jeggings are for the girl who just Must have pockets but can't bear to deprive mine eyes. Thank you Jeggings, job well done.
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