"Now, who are You?"

Did I think you’d last forever? Of course I did. When have I known a time when you weren’t there? Am I Crying now? How could I not, but I couldn’t and didn’t cry for myself when everyone thought I should have. Now I see why. That was pain but this is sorrow. Shakespeare described the different shades of it but never it's magnitude. Maybe just not in a way I could comprehend. It feels wrong to be here without her. I don’t know why or how but it just never seemed like there would be a day in which Peach wouldn’t be there to chastise me for something silly. In all my life there are only two people I don’t think I’ve been capable of being mad at. She was one of them. I let myself get annoyed one of the last times I saw her because she was bugging me about not eating and now I’m beyond sorry. I know it is an insignificant moment, but not loving my grandmother every single second I had with her feels like a crime.

I walked yesterday when I found out, in no real direction at all. My phone started ringing at around 8 AM. It was my cousin who hasn’t seen that side of 8 AM on a consistent basis since we were in grade school. I knew then, and after about 9 successive calls that there was nothing he had to say that I wanted to hear. Not one thing. The cliché goes, “I saw you calling me at some ungodly hour and knew there must be something wrong.” I know now the truth is, that when you know something is wrong, you aren’t in a big hurry to answer any calls. What was eerie is that I knew without hearing a word what was wrong exactly. I could have been wrong, some tragedy could have befallen another family member, some horrible accident. But that wasn’t it, that’s not what happened and I could tell. I should be thrilled. I should be happy. She is in a much better place. She made it to see me get out of the hospital, and go back to school. Her oldest grandson, all grown up. We are so much more alike than she could ever know. I see her in myself everyday and laugh about it. No one knew her and didn’t love her I can be sure.

It’s not to say she wasn’t hard-headed and obstinate. She refused to be called grandma so instead we were instructed to call her Peach, Georgia Peach. It worked; calling her grandma now, feels false. I just hope that her brand of light hearted, carefree living can one day permeate my thoughts and actions as well. The effect her loss is having on the rest of us, I think shows just how much she meant to everyone. I don’t think there was a better match for my grandfather though. Both of them were vivacious, jokesters but my Grandfather was about as shy as someone as imposing as him could be. And the two had chemistry the likes of which is absent from everyday life for so many others.

I wish nothing but the best for him now. He's my main concern. My grandparents had been married nearly 60 years and this is the first time since the Korean war that he’s woken up and not been able to talk to her. I can’t and won’t think about what that is like for him. He was so full of love for her that I don’t even have to consider it to know he's in pain. I know she is dearly missed. I won’t be the same without her. It won’t be the same without her. I can’t wait to see her.

Georgia Peach lived to see her 3 grandsons of age all go to college, with one just a few years away. She leaves behind 4 grandsons, , 3 sons, 2 daughters, a loving husband, and the biggest mark on my heart you could imagine.

I don’t think I even realize fully now how its going to feel once It sinks in. I’m going to be happy for her, and not worry about the effect she’s had on me and my family, because after all has been said and done her effects on me have been nothing short of awe-inspiring.