Solamente Ti

Here lets start with your very own gallery. It'll be fun.
Obviously. And a nice attempt at depth. #stillgay

This is true. I was broken as they come. Now I'm T-Rex. It fits.
Not really. #justmoregayshit

I'm serious. All women don't have sex drives like you. #BOGUS

#Gay shit goes here


You are a bit more important than anyone else. It is a shame that so many adages came true between us. The one I think of the most is "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". I honestly wish I could have paid as much attention to you when you needed it as I did at times this year. I have been harsh and unfair but that is just the place I was in. I just got done writing thank you letters to my doctors and my parents and everyone I could find contact info on. But there is really one person who throughout this we know I needed with me. I was well all would have been. I'm not even the hero people make me out to be, I was just too stupid and arrogant to even know the danger I was in. I want this for you because you were there and you deserve my thanks as much as anyone else. I want to let the past be the past and stop being so bitter. I can't really continue to live that way as even now my acute memories of you start 6 years ago and end some 3 or 4 years later.

I walked by the exact spot I was in when I first heard Adam's name and I laughed almost out loud at myself for being in that situation. It didn't feel good to remember don't get me wrong, but I felt like I was laughing at the younger me for making such an obvious mistake that May. You loved me more than I deserved and more than anyone could. I certainly don't expect things to be fixed or be better just because of this but to me it was necessary to do. What I wrote to you I meant. Do good for this world, better than it ever did for you. I hope to do the same for you and the family too. There is a ton I want to say because more than anything I miss our conversation. Now all I see are the products of peoples pasts. This girl is standoffish, that one is careless. You were the last legitimately open and "honest" person I've spoken to in years. It is weird to see so many people feeling so many emotions. This world just needs one big fucking hug. I obviously won't say it but it's always there. I don't know what I want, I don't even think I know who you are, all I know is that this had to be done.
Would you please? I don't want you to witness this one. But I would like to be sprinkled onto my laptop if at all possible.

1 comment:

  1. I can no longer talk to you, but this is all I have. You asked me to spread your ashes on your blog, if I could I would. We said all we had to say, but my hopes and dreams of us never faded. You were mine and I was yours and I would have walked through any fire for you. You knew me and I knew you better than anyone else. For that I am honored. I have never believed I am eternally grateful. You taught me to trust and I taught you to love. You were my best friend, my love, and the one that made me believe in love. I told you once and I will tell you again; you were the best thing that ever happened to me and the most beautiful. You will always be with me and I will always live you.