Jane's Addiction


Over dinner one night last week I got to talking about my Heart Surgery and all that entails. The question I get asked most is also the one I have no answer for most of the time. Until now that is. People always want to know one thing, "how did you get through it all", which to me is a funny question. No one ever asks how you persevere past a cold, or what it took to come back from a broken bone? Sure heart failure is more serious but it is just as unpredictable and hard to prevent right? I've come to the conclusion however that my success has as much to do with medicine and a strong support system as it has to do with my horrible attitude.


Jadakiss said it best I think. "Fuck Boys do Fuck boy shit/ I never have and still ain't nothing to fucked with." It's really quite poetic I think. As a man and as part of American culture I've long idolized the Hero character. The Lone Ranger, Tony Stark, Greg House, and Richard Branson. You'll find that for the most part they all mostly faked it until they made it but did so as an art form. They were so adept at asserting their will that each day the character in question would get up and never question for one waking minute whether or not he could face and conquer all that came at him that day. It is an irrational belief for anyone really but it doesn't stop them, that is why they're revered in our society. So to answer the question of how I survived this harrowing adventure all you need to know is that to me it wasn't a task at all. I honestly am unimpressed by it and continue each day to be unimpressed. I suppose if you told me that you had done the same thing and I never did I would consider it a feat. And even though I have gone through it I still do find it incredible others can and do each day. It's just me I'm unexcited about. However that doesn't mean you shouldn't be excited about your own achievements and so to help you achieve them I give you...

The "Rules to live by", not to be confused with my "Rules for being Human".

1) Don't overcomplicate things. The more nuance you give something, the higher the probability that you find a way to mess things up.

2) Be clear of what you want. The last thing you need is other people deciding for you. Assert yourself. Took me a while to learn this one but once you get it down then you'll be in the drivers seat.

3) Women: Make them smile. Get them in a good mood then keep them that way. You are really only ever safe when they are happy. Women.Happy.ALWAYS.

4) Don't follow the pack. If the majority of People are doing it then you don't want to do it. Trust me. When was getting a degree a fad, how about curing cancer, is that a fad? No, so do you and be unique. Do your best to not resemble what you see on TV. (Unless it's E! Because if you have the ability to make yourself or anyone else resemble Kim Kardashian then I'll never stop you.)

5) Test folks. Disagree or contradict people every now and then for no real reason. Their reactions to this will tell you who is with you and who is against you.



Now back to the topic. Let's look at one of the first arguments I ever had with Ex pt.3. I told her one night that I wasn't a "nice" guy because "nice" at that point sounded like "chump". I of course proceeded to piss her off in an attempt to show just how tough and all that I was but the problem I was having was feeling my ability to stand up to a challenge was fully appreciated and what she was having trouble with was understanding why I wasn't comfortable with the label. Years later as I demanded French Toast and juice whilst intubated, I'm sure we all figured out tough wasn't nearly strong enough a word for me.


Simply not giving a fuck is my key to success ladies and gents. It either will or it wont be.
Speaking of BJ (she loves these little shout outs), I saw her on my last trip home. She's graduated it seems. If not then the quote I left on her Cap'n'Gown photo is a bit premature. Oh well. Is it weird I miss her sometimes? Yea I think so too. Not 2009 her though anyway. 2005-06 was a much better vintage and I missed that even while we still spoke. So...yea. I miss lots of things by the way... Sushi, California sun, smog. It's familiarity I crave so don't judge me. Speaking of Gowns I find them incredibly fun o wear. I have no intention of being a judge but I think on my next trip to a show in Portland I'm gonna rock mine so just a heads up Patrick.

Bonus Rule- Take off that silly ass Hat!
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